To be sick of Christmas martyrs

[Rosehip10]

Why are so many people (usually women) martyrs at Christmas, doing everything, presents, food, all organising etc and then really unhappy at DPs doing nothing and saying "why do I do this" and then repeat cycle year after year.

If you don't want to then don't and stop enabling lazy DPs. If you do then stop moaning and martyring yourself.

Martyr - spending hours cooking everything from scratch while the DC would rather you played with them.

Not a martyr - ready made pigs in blankets, stuffing balls, roasties, pudding. Nothing more strenuous than working out when everything has to go in the oven. (Mine was all ordered by DH ages ago, and picked up by him too!)

Presents for DS all ordered online. DH took DS to Hamleys in half term to buy all the presents for his cousins.

I'm never stressed at Christmas (smug).

there is no reason women can’t be in control of their own lives and futures. You don’t have to stay in unsatisfying relationships, you don’t have to have children with incompetent men, you don’t have to give up work and financial independence if you do have children. It’s perfectly reasonable to suggest women with the means to do so (again, in the absence of abuse, poverty, illness etc) take a pragmatic and sensible approach to their own lives to ensure they’re financially and emotionally capable of existing as a single person. It kind of baffles me why anyone wouldn’t set themselves up like that tbh, if they had everything at their disposal to do so. I'm one of the women who has been abused since childhood (sexually, psychologically and physically), but who now has a good career which I built as a single parent and I'm happy in a good relationship with a secret emergency escape fund. However, that's all because I have been through trauma and my experiences and good fortune in terms of career opportunities. I would not have set my life up this way if it weren't for becoming a single parent following an awful relationship. I could quite easily be stuck like many women. So for me your post smacks of "I'm better than you/why can't these silly women understand if they do X they can achieve Y bla bla bla".

I can't stand the victim blaming. How are women supposed to force their partners to do anything? Men like that don't care enough about their partner or children if their Christmas is shit so their partner playing them at their own game wouldn't work.

Also, men like that play the nice guy until the woman feels secure. Then when they're trapped such as becoming a sahm, they show their true selves.

DH does all the cooking and washing up, I look after the DC.

He's an arsehole after he's started on the port though, luckily it wasn't until dinner time this year.

Believing that it’s a positive thing for women to take control and responsibility for their lives and put themselves first is not victim blaming. I’ve already acknowledged several times that not every woman’s circumstances allow this and yes, some people are trapped by factors beyond their control. But being a woman doesn’t mean abdicating any kind of personal responsibility and resigning yourself to the fact that life just happens to you.

dodgeballchamp

It's not that simple for many.

You are one of the "why doesn't she just leave him" brigade.

I think there are various levels of 'martyrdom', my made herself a Martyr.

There is a big age gap between my dad and his brothers, as small children we would wake up to a pillowcase form Father Christmas then later go to church and to my grandparents because santa went there as well.

My mum changed it so that grandparents and dad's brothers came to our house and she did all the cooking.

Then as dad's brothers got older they were encouraged to bring girlfriends and later wives and children.

By this time My brother and I were in our teens and may be going to bf/gf for Xmas.

My mother would say how hard she worked and how she had never seen the Morecambe and Wise Xmas special but she didn't need to invite all the people she did, and she didn't need to have them all stay over and make a cooked breakfast on boxing day.

Choosing to do lots and then complaining is IMHO martyrdom, doing it for your children because no one else will isn't.

speakout how many times do I have to say I’m not talking about abusive relationships? I’ve been in one myself (not to the level of the terrible things you’ve experienced admittedly, but certainly controlling and coercive) and I know it’s not as simple as just upping and leaving the minute you know something’s wrong. But not everyone is suffering from abuse. Some women have just made bad choices and could choose to change their situations if they wanted.

dodgeballchamp you don't need to keep repeating yourself. It won't make me agree with you.
We can agree to disagree- and that's fine with me.