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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I in the wrong for this?

132 replies

Gxoxo · 24/12/2019 20:37

Hi all, not sure we're to post so hoping I will get some advice here. (Already posted in chat but think this topic is better suited)

A week ago I went to see my gp regarding a mark I have on one of my breast's, she seemed a bit concerned but told me to wait a week to see if it disappears and if not to come straight back the following week to see her. I felt she really listened and understood how I was feeling regarding me being worried about this mark, a week passed and the mark is still there so I make another app to go back and see her today, I go to my appointment today and it's with a male dr who completely brushed me off and acted asif I had nothing to worry about even though my previous app with the female dr told me to come back so she could refer me to the breast clinic. The dr said he could refer me to gynaecologist if it made me happy! I left the appointment quite annoyed as I felt I had been ignored and referred to the wrong place. When I was walking to my car I seen the female gp I had previously seen. I went over to her and asked if I could have a quick word, she quickly and abruptly brushed me off saying 'I am off duty, I am sick, I have a daughter to worry about I can't speak to you' to which I seemed a bit shocked and said I only wanted to query if a gynaecologist was the correct person I should be seeing following our last app. She rolled her eyes and said yes. She made me feel completely humiliated as there was someone standing right by us. In my previous app with her she made me feel like she cared and she needed to see me again. Then when I do see her and simply wanted some advice she was completely rude, I am right to be annoyed by this? Or am I in the wrong for speaking to her outside of her office?

Tbh I just thought it was human decency to help someone who is clearly worried about something that you have previously helped and advised them on.

OP posts:
Teachermaths · 24/12/2019 21:59

Actually from reading what she said, I don't think she was rude. A little off hand maybe but no
t rude. She was factual.

As a teacher if a parent asked me about their child outside of school, I'd say this isn't the time to discuss this, make an appointment and we can discuss it then.

Original poster
Gxoxo · 24/12/2019 22:00

I just also want to point out the conversation lasted 15 seconds if that, for the people saying I harassed her for answers. I also did apologise to her for asking her the question as I realised I probably should of just continued walking. Thank you to the people who have understood and empathised. X

OP posts:
BayandBlonde · 24/12/2019 22:01

@Gxoxo

Don't be a dick, many of us know exactly what it's like to be worried for our health, dying even, but we don't go around pushing for answers from our GPs in a carpark!

TheNavigator · 24/12/2019 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BlueJava · 24/12/2019 22:06

Sorry she was rude to you OP, perhaps she was stressed about being sick herself and her child. I think you over stepped a bit by approaching her but you are probably worried so understandable. Don't let this put you off thoughq - get things checked out properly with another appointment.

Darkstar4855 · 24/12/2019 22:12

Imagine if that GP got accosted by someone every time she walked across the car park, she’d never get home. GPs are under huge pressure and do a stressful job.

You are complaining that posters here don’t have much empathy for how you were feeling but you don’t seem to have much empathy for her.

Havaina · 24/12/2019 22:13

The female gp told me to come back in a week and she will refer me to the breast clinic, thats all's I wanted to clarify with her as the male did not do that. But clearly people on here think that is completely unacceptable.

I think ppl are just wondering why you didn't book the appt with for a week later.

IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord · 24/12/2019 22:16

I think I am saying she is 'rude' as I personally would never react to someone like that who is clearly worried about there health

The doctor was more concerned for her own health at that point, what with being OFF DUTY and also you said she had her daughter to think about who takes precedence over you, what with her being OFF DUTY.

this is the 1st time I have ever done anything like this as my worry and concern for my health just took over, clearly most people in this thread have never had that feeling

No, they just wouldn’t act so entitled to pester an OFF DUTY doctor who should have been left alone.

dibdabber · 24/12/2019 22:23

accost verb: to go up to or stop and speak to someone in a threatening way: cambridge dictionary "approach and address (someone) boldly or aggressively". Oxford.*

Its an exaggeration to say the the OP accosted anyone. Politely asking a question, even in the wrong place is not accosting and its no good reason to be a jerk. Its barely creeps into rudeness, just a bit thoughtless but at least with a good reason. The GP was rude though, she ought to have said "I understand your concern but please book an appointment" or suchlike, but everyone has a breaking point and hopefully she was just having a bad day and lost her cool on this one occasion.

I'm really sorry that you felt dismissed by the male Dr Goxox. Some doctors are just arseholes Flowers I do understand that wrongfooted feeling in this kind of thing with something potentially serious and of course it is a worry and I am not surprised that you instinctively grabbed your chance to get some reassurance. If the Dr has any humanity then hopefully she will realise that too and the two of you can put it straight when you see her again. She might even have been feeling guilty that she hadn't seen you herself and reacted defensively. Hope she can help you in the follow up.

Yes its definitely not you that is the drama llama OP, its people like ChristmasCarcass saying you were doorstepping an off-duty GP Hmm Doorstepping?!?! What a laughable exaggeration!

Straycatblue · 24/12/2019 22:27

People are being completely harsh and rude on here, I hope they never have to go through the worry and stress I have went through the last 2 weeks

Ah... so now people on here are being rude to you too? So everyone who doesn't agree with you so far is rude but you?
Statiscally , the people reading and responding to you will be people who are in the middle of bereavement, grief, cancer diagnoses, serious illlness themselves,

How do you know the gp wasn't going through the same or even much worse than you have been over the last 2 weeks.
You are aware doctors are human beings? You ask for compassion but seem completely unwilling to offer any towards your gp.

NoSauce · 24/12/2019 22:29

Why two threads?

Original poster
Gxoxo · 24/12/2019 22:31

@NoSauce this is stated in my first message.

OP posts:
Elieza · 24/12/2019 22:34

My bra was digging into me one day and left a mark. It still there months later. I think it’s just because the skin is so tender. It was defo the bra that caused it.

Even ordinary face spots can still be there over a week later.

Perhaps your problem will clear up soon OP without any further worry, which would be great. If it’s not a lump I’m thinking mine is fine Smile

Original poster
Gxoxo · 24/12/2019 22:38

Thanks @Elieza I just want to forget about it really. The worry feels like it's taking over my life at the minute, trying to think positive, trying to have faith in the male dr as he wasn't concerned

OP posts:
ToLiveInPeace · 24/12/2019 22:41

FFS... time to leave the OP alone when she's already anxious and worried. OP, chances are that you're fine but do pursue this to be sure.

(Also: indentations etc can be a sign of something serious. I lost an old friend in this way. Always worth getting properly checked out).

ToLiveInPeace · 24/12/2019 22:42

(I don't mean to add to your worries x)

NoSauce · 24/12/2019 22:45

Yes I know that OP. I just don’t understand why. You didn’t even give it 5 minutes in Chat before coming over here.

IamFriedSpam · 24/12/2019 22:47

I do think you're getting a harsh response OP. It was definitely not fair to assume the GP would be able to answer your questions when she's off duty and obviously stressed about her own stuff that said it is stressful dealing with worries about health so I can see why you did it and were hurt by her harsh response.

TheReef · 24/12/2019 22:47

YWBVU to speak to her in the car park. Ok she was rude but maybe she was also stressed etc, poorly dc etc.

Elieza · 24/12/2019 22:48

That’s what I’m hoping too OP, that the male doctor not being concerned is a good sign. It’s more like the mark is cosmetic.

It’s not an indentation like another poster mentions is it?

When you look at where it is, is there a corresponding seam or wire in your bras that could have caused it?

frumpety · 24/12/2019 22:51

without doorstepping an off-duty GP
but the OP saw her on the surgery premises and made the completely forgivable mistake of thinking she was there as a GP, not as the parent of a sick child. She has agreed she has overstepped the mark by talking to her, with the hindsight she wasn't blessed with at the time of the encounter.
Give her a break, she is worried about something we are all told as women to be worried about and seek advice about. She followed that advice and was told if X happened then Y would happen by the first GP, only for the second GP to dismiss her and offer Z !

Polkagirls · 24/12/2019 23:02

Try and not worry about her response to you. She probably had a very lousy morning trying to get her work done when she probably shouldn’t have been at work in the first place if she was feeling poorly. She then also had to make sure she was done in time to pick up her child. You caught her at a bad moment. She could have handled it better but we all have bad days. Forget about it now and try and book appointment with another doctor if you’re still worried.

Original poster
Gxoxo · 24/12/2019 23:11

No it's not an indent, it's a purple/red round flat mark, I've had it for 2 weeks now... the first gp thought it may of been a burst blood vessel but advised it should disappear within the week and to make sure I came back if it didn't which it hasn't and she will refer me on to the breast clinic. 2nd gp said there is no lump so shouldn't be worried but would refer me to a dermatologist if it made me feel better. So seems like 1st gp thought it was a breast issue and 2nd gp thinks it's a skin issue. Now I'm in limbo...

OP posts:
Jux · 24/12/2019 23:15

So now you know. Just remember no matter how worried you are about yourself that unless you are in front of your gp in their office in the Surgery, that he/she is not covered by insurance, doesn't have access to your notes, isn't able to check things like test results etc online. So just don't ask. Just because you recognise them and know who they are doesn't mean they have the faintest idea who you are or what your condition is. They are off duty. Leave them alone. Same with teachers.

whyismysoullost · 24/12/2019 23:23

OP, I too can imagine how you must be feeling as I get very anxious when it comes to my health. However, I do think YWBU to approach her out of duty hours, although she was quite abrupt. I work in the health setting and she probably was acting about shifty, when another person was nearby in the car part, because if she started discussing your personal needs in public that will be a risk of confidentiality and she would have been in BIG trouble if another work colleague was nearby to witness and hear that.

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