Am I in the wrong for this?

[Gxoxo]

Hi all, not sure we're to post so hoping I will get some advice here. (Already posted in chat but think this topic is better suited)

A week ago I went to see my gp regarding a mark I have on one of my breast's, she seemed a bit concerned but told me to wait a week to see if it disappears and if not to come straight back the following week to see her. I felt she really listened and understood how I was feeling regarding me being worried about this mark, a week passed and the mark is still there so I make another app to go back and see her today, I go to my appointment today and it's with a male dr who completely brushed me off and acted asif I had nothing to worry about even though my previous app with the female dr told me to come back so she could refer me to the breast clinic. The dr said he could refer me to gynaecologist if it made me happy! I left the appointment quite annoyed as I felt I had been ignored and referred to the wrong place. When I was walking to my car I seen the female gp I had previously seen. I went over to her and asked if I could have a quick word, she quickly and abruptly brushed me off saying 'I am off duty, I am sick, I have a daughter to worry about I can't speak to you' to which I seemed a bit shocked and said I only wanted to query if a gynaecologist was the correct person I should be seeing following our last app. She rolled her eyes and said yes. She made me feel completely humiliated as there was someone standing right by us. In my previous app with her she made me feel like she cared and she needed to see me again. Then when I do see her and simply wanted some advice she was completely rude, I am right to be annoyed by this? Or am I in the wrong for speaking to her outside of her office?

Tbh I just thought it was human decency to help someone who is clearly worried about something that you have previously helped and advised them on.

@mummyway well done x

Struggling to understand the need to highlight the gender difference to be honest

Is this a serious question? Women's health concerns are brushed off at an alarming rate, and more often by a male doctor.

@Gxoxo I can’t either tbh. Would have taken seconds to say ‘that’s the right referral but make an appointment and we can talk about it in more detail’. Aibu is a pretty harsh place though, not what you need right now in my opinion x

Op your responses came in as I was typing and my responses uploaded slowly. Clearly just bad cross over.

@CactusAndCacti the male dr didn't even ask to see the mark, I had to say do you want to see it? I was shocked really by his complete unconcern. He also stated there is no lump so I wouldn't be worried. You don't need a lump for this to be serious. I regret not making a complaint when I was leaving.

thought I could ask for advice on it from someone who new the history and understood.

I have been going to the same GPs for 32 years (married couple and their daughter also became a GP about 10 years ago) and never have I assumed they know my history by heart!

The receptionist would bring up notes for each patient prior to their appointment so the GP could remind themselves of the patient's history, until they computerised it and now the GP brings up notes on his/her computer.

They have thousands of patients! I would never presume to approach the GP oit of work, if I ever ran into them in the high street, I would just say 'Hello Doctor X'.

@TeddybearBaby thanks, it's nice for someone to understand we're I'm coming from. Yes maybe this was not the right place clearly

@Havaina it seems I haven't taken into account the dr's point of view and only my own, my mistake I know, I was just simply upset by the response I received, I'm only human though and I shouldn't be a drama queen according to people on here haha

I regret not making a complaint when I was leaving.

It's not too late to make a complaint about the male doctor.

I remember a locum GP who told me I was wasting my private health insurance company's time by wanting to investigate IBS symptoms. The private healthcare I was paying for and not the NHS!

So the female doctor asked you to make an appointment to see her in a weeks time, which you did and because she was off sick , you saw a different doctor ? Who wasn't as helpful or understanding, but has referred you to dermatology ? As you were leaving you saw the doctor who you thought you would be seeing and because you saw her previously asked her advice on whether the dermatology referral was what she would have done ?
Clearly you didn't realise she had a sick child before you approached her, she gave you short shrift and you are now upset.
Take the dermatology referral, if they think it is something else they will refer you on to another speciality.
I think you are getting a really hard time of it on here OP and wonder if you had asked for advice on here about unusual changes on your breast whether people would have been as dismissive ?

I think I am saying she is 'rude' as I personally would never react to someone like that who is clearly worried about there health

I wouldn’t normally! But doctors do not generally worry about their children being ill if it’s just a cough or cold (quite the opposite, we are more likely to send them to school with pneumonia). So the fact she was worried enough about her child to have called in sick, says there is something seriously wrong.

If you can’t see that your child being so seriously ill might make you a bit snappish, I’m not sure what to say to you. But you’re harping on and on about how she ought to have been nicer to you. It may well have been a choice between getting rid of you quickly, or her bursting into tears and shouting at you. She was obviously under stress, enough stress to keep her off work, and you didn’t take the hint but kept on harassing her until she snapped. That’s why people are laying into you.

Not read other replies and whilst I do feel your pain, I do think you were in the wrong to approach the GP when she was off duty.

She may have a really poorly child and that’s her priority so work matters aren’t on her mind. That’s why she would have used that tone no doubt.

I work somewhere, where some people recognise me and on occasion when I’m leaving work, when it’s all closed, they’ll start asking questions when they can see I’m finished. I’m not being rude but I’ve got to go and pick up my children from club and when I’m not at work, they’re my priority over someone trying to doorstop me.

I can see why you feel rubbish but I wouldn’t complain about her as in the work environment she was really understanding.

The dermatologist will rule out any skin infections etc...

I think some empathy as to why someone who you have described as usually approachable and easy to talk to is called for here, OP.

I'm reminded of the episode of ER, where a woman was moaning to Dr Greene that she had a painful hangnail and had been waiting ages. He responded, 'I have an inoperable brain tumour. I win.'

You don't know what that GP was going through, what her sickness is, what her worry for her daughter was. Yet you assume she simply chose to be rude.

Accosting her in a car park was rude, and yet you have found multiple reasons to excuse your rudeness. You could extend her the same courtesy.

@frumpety that's exactly it. People are being completely harsh and rude on here, I hope they never have to go through the worry and stress I have went through the last 2 weeks, because I'm sure if they knew they would see why I did what I did. The female gp told me to come back in a week and she will refer me to the breast clinic, thats all's I wanted to clarify with her as the male did not do that. But clearly people on here think that is completely unacceptable.

Thanks for understanding and being human!!!

thanks, it's nice for someone to understand we're I'm coming from. Yes maybe this was not the right place clearly
It is the right place for opinions but you’re not accepting what the majority of posters are telling you; that you were unreasonable for firstly approaching the off duty doctor, then continuing to ask your question when she told you she couldn’t speak.

MN has really gone awry lately.

OP I'm sorry that you were dismissed by the doctor you did see, and that you now will spend Christmas still worrying about your original concern. Maybe you did overstep the mark by approaching her, but IMO GP's and people in similar professions have to be held to a higher standard in general, and while she was obviously having a bad day, and she is only human, she could have dealt with the situation in a more professional way.

Make another appointment in the new year with a different female doctor if possible, and hopefully they will be able to refer you to the right place.

Maybe you shouldn’t have approached her when she was off duty OP, but her rude behaviour was unnecessary. Even if off duty surely she should have acted more professionally - she can’t have been caught off guard as I’m sure this isn’t the first time she’s been approached when out of the surgery. Shocked that people on here are making excuses for her behaviour tbh.

Irrespective of how worried you were about your health, you had no place accosting the GP in the carpark. The carpark isn't the place to discuss it anyway, then you commented on another person being too close and feeling humiliated, you started the convo not her!!

I could imagine you're one of these people that jump on their GPS, or others, in the supermarket!

I think you should be referred to the breast clinic and not a dermatologist and i would push for this

I hope they never have to go through the worry and stress I have went through the last 2 weeks, because I'm sure if they knew they would see why I did what I did

What makes you think we haven’t? Cancer is really common, more than half of us will get it at some point. It will kill 1/3 of us. Loads of women on MN have been through exactly what you’ve been through, without doorstepping an off-duty GP. You really don’t accept you were unreasonable do you? You know, you can be unreasonable for understandable reasons. Stress can make you behave badly. But you don’t seem to want to give your GP the benefit of the doubt that you want all of us to give you.

It's quite obvious to me that OP still thinks that the female GP has been unreasonable.

From the way I read it, she wasn't rude. She gave factual information and responded when you rudely persisted. She didn't tell you to go away. She didn't tell you she didn't care. She didn't ignore you. She didn't raise her voice.

You were rude. She wasn't. You were unreasonable. She wasn't. I sympathise with your health concerns, but am frustrated at your continuing to see yourself as a victim of a rude professional.

Unfortunately, I completely emphasis with you OP. I suffer with health anxiety so I know how worrying it can be. She has every right to refuse to discuss anything with you but as you say she doesn’t need to be rude. She might be very worried about her child but you are also worried too! I’m not saying your worries trump hers but it can be difficult to think clearly when worried xx

Personally, if a parent asked me about their child out in the street I'd probably nicely aks them to book and appointment or see me at the next parents evening.

I bet she was just in a rush and annoyed that someone from her work was in her face randomly.

@BayandBlonde this is the 1st time I have ever done anything like this as my worry and concern for my health just took over, clearly most people in this thread have never had that feeling

You clearly wanted a load of nice answers supporting you saying oooh what a bitch the doctor was. Unfortunately the majority of people see it from her perspective and think YWU.