To request Xmas turkey served before 7pm

[askingaquestion1]

Going to Xmas at my Dad's. He wants us to eat our turkey meal at 7pm because I think he wants the kids to be in bed so his meal isn't disturbed by the cherubs. I'd like to eat with the kids as think it's an important family tradition plus 7pm is too late to eat such a heavy meal. Kids range from 5 to 3 months. He says not possible to eat 4.30ish as turkey won't be cooked before then. Has he got an exceptionally poor oven or a very large turkey? Or is it just an excuse?!

You still haven’t said what the kids will be eating? I just wouldn’t tolerate that if I’m honest.

My kids love Christmas dinner, none of them are foodies but my six year old is so excited about it all! Couldn’t imagine telling him, sorry you’ve got a jam sandwich for dinner whilst we have a nice feast. How mean.

Who's putting the kids to bed? Stories? Bath time? What if they don't want to go?

It'd be better at 8 to make sure everyone gets to relax if he's dead set on not having kids there, but smack on bedtime is asking for trouble.

Of course it is possible to cook the turkey in time to eat earlier. He just doesn’t want to.

He is not exactly being welcoming to his grandchildren. What are they supposed to eat? The Christmas meal is generally a big part of the day for everyone. Even if small children aren’t that interested.

People who say that the kids won’t care about the dinner or don’t know how to behave - if you don’t include young children in meals then they never will understand the importance of them or learn how to behave! It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy and I think does a long-term disservice to the children.

Leaving to one side the kids being involved in Christmas dinner, unless he's cooking a bloody ostrich there's no way it will take that long to cook.

My DC are more than capable of eating at 7 but we have Xmas dinner at 3 because after that we get washed up and no one wants to do anything except lounge, drink baileys, play the odd game and watch Xmas movies. Can't even imagine scrubbing pots at 10pm on Xmas night.

I'm not convinced Xmas dinner is a big deal to them.

Christmas dinner is a huge highlight to mine and they've loved the experience since about 2/3.... it's not even about the food which is just a glorified roast, which they do actually love and eat plenty but the experience of sitting with extended family, wearing a hat, getting plastic tat from a cracker. Bizarre to exclude them from that. My dc would be devastated to be left with a jam sandwich in front of the TV.

Op can you offer to start the Xmas dinner earlier if it's too early for DF.

Couldn’t imagine telling him, sorry you’ve got a jam sandwich for dinner whilst we have a nice feast. How mean.

Yes, it’s just tight, isn’t it? If you really don’t want to have your Christmas dinner with children, you have to make them their own version, in my opinion. Do a small chicken, roast potatoes, carrots, peas and pigs in blankets, most of which can be cooked alongside the turkey in a decent sized oven.

His house his rules
and
Its his Christmas, his choice.

It's also your Christmas and your children's Christmas.

Tell your Dad it doesn't work for you & your family (and stay at home).

I don't want to make a scene this year but think my softly softly approach hasn't worked this year so I probably need to host next year even if there's not really enough room for everyone to stay.

Or you could just tell him more assertively to serve it earlier because you have growing family who want to be involved.

My parents would always get up at the crack of dawn on Christmas Day for the turkey to be ready for lunch time. My brother has it at kids tea time. I think next year do what you want OP

I would say you'll take over the cooking and want to have a family meal early enough to enjoy it. Or ask him what meal will be served to the children, as they are now old enough to expect a proper meal as well? Surely cooking twice is harder work, or were the children just going to eat sweets all day in his plan?

Are you at your dads now? Have a look at the turkey, how big is it? We could work backwards to help you. (For reference, I've bought a turkey that apparently serves 6 minimum - it says on the packaging 2hours 34 mins at 180 or 4 hours at 140. I'm going with hotter oven and putting in the oven around 10am, get out to rest around 12:30, serve at 1pm/1:30pm, but then my dcs will have jumped on us around 6am)

Couldn’t imagine telling him, sorry you’ve got a jam sandwich for dinner whilst we have a nice feast. How mean. One year we had pasta and tomato sauce for Christmas dinner because that was the kid's favourite meal and a turkey dinner held no attraction for any of us, and I think at 5 years old my kids would have preferred jam sandwiches - they never got that kind of thing very often - it was definitely party food and a treat!

With notice, 7pm would never have been a problem for my DCs because they were never ready for bed at that time so they'd have been ready to tuck in with us. Back when they were younger they weren't in from nursery before 6, so it was easily 7 by the time we'd got in, and dinner was cooked, delayed by me needing some head space before cooking after 12+ hours on the go. The DCs have never needed to be up before 7:30 so they've always had enough sleep on a later than average shift.

Back to average family patterns, Christmas Dinner at 7pm is an appalling plan for most young families. The children need a decent meal in the day which won't be on offer if the cooking facilities are that poor and the adults are holding on for that day. Many children love roast dinners. I accept that DS1 is an outlier, but Brussels Sprouts are and always have been his favourite food, right since he turned 1 at Christmas

If the DCs are used to going to bed at 7pm, the experience will be a disaster, because hyped, out-of-routine children are highly unlikely to merkly go to bed bang on 7pm just as dinner is served, especially if they haven't had a proper dinner all day. There will be a lot of parental yo-yoing up and downstairs to settle children, and possibly unsettled children coming down and gate crashing.

Quite frankly a child-free dinner at 7pm is a batshit plan destined to be an unpleasant, stressful fiasco of hyped/ tired children, stressed out parents and a frustrated host.

Even DM got Christmas Dinner served at 3pm (albeit always insisting it would be 1pm ) A few years back she reached her limit on hosting and said it was her final one for cooking herself, and that was fine. If you're not prepared to do it half-decently, don't offer.

I expect your dad wants to eat in an adult only situation because it's easier and I agree

Then he shouldn't have invited them.
Of course it's easier, most things in life are easier without babies and small children around but most people see Christmas lunch/dinner as a family event. If OP's DF doesn't feel that way and wants a quiet, child-free peaceful meal then why offer to host all the GDC in the first place?

One year we had pasta and tomato sauce for Christmas dinner because that was the kid's favourite meal and a turkey dinner held no attraction for any of us

If that's what everyone is having that's fine. But when everyone else gets a roast dinner and kids get jam sandwiches that's just mean...

There is a risk the children will fuss at bedtime and ye will be up and down like yo-yo’s.
I don’t think your Christmas needs are compatible with your fathers Christmas wants.

I would be so stressed if this was expected of me, hope it works out for ye.

I'd go with what he wants this year - after all his house his rules. But from now on I'd make sure I was in my own home. I'd definitely want DCs there for Christmas meals - why would you not?! So he gets his way with no fuss... but we'd beon our own next Christmas.

His rules, sadly. My dad has decided to do lunch at 1pm this year, after years of it being at 3.30. This means I will hardly get to see my partner on Christmas morning, and won't be able to go and see his parents first.

The thought has crossed my mind that he has done it on purpose.. but either way it doesn't matter, as he's invited me, I said yes, so that's my choice.

My DD would have been inconsolable both at missing Christmas dinner and at being left out of a family occasion at 5 years old. Who invites kids and then excludes them from such a big part of the day? I would be pointedly asking my dad if there was a reason he didn't want to spend time with his DGC if I were you OP, and why on earth he invited you all if children aren't welcome at dinner? Bit of luck it will embarrass him into bringing dinner forward if he realises it looks like he doesn't care about his GC!

I agree it’s really mean to exclude children if this is his reasoning. The atmosphere of a Christmas dinner is jovial and fun, crackers, lit Christmas pud etc.

I do think, however you need to ask the question, what will the children be having for their christmas dinner and at what time? Does he really want to cook twice rather than make the adult meal earlier and cook once?

See what he says, is he not planning on feeding the children? Are you expected to make them a meal, will there be space in the oven/cooker at 5pm to do that? Are there pans and cooking utensils he'll need you'll have to clean up quick after their meal has been prepared.

They aren't babies expected to eat a bit of milk and some finger food, at 5 they need a meal at some point in the day!

This idea of children eating separately is one thing, the idea of them not eating isnt an option.

Ask him what the plan is, as you might need to do a dash to the supermarket today.

This isn’t really helpful as I doubt he’d take suggestions on board,, but i think my ideal here would be lunch for everyone at 2/3pm, then a quiet adult thing with cheese, wine and mince pies at 8 or 9 once the kids are sound asleep.

I wouldn’t go somewhere for Christmas dinner if my children wouldn’t be eating with me. Christmas is about children to me. What a mean old man.

Isn't it meant to be lunch at Xmas so 12pm for the kids. Thought I'd throw that 1 i to the mix 😆 Then he can warm some up for later for himself if that's the time he wants it. We cook our Turkey for 5pm on Xmas eve, then after that anyone can eat whenever they like as ours is huge to last all week and my my particularly likes to be difficult with her eating times. Problem solved!

Oh and my mum announced that she wd be eating dinner bang on 7pm when my DD was 1 year old. So she had to dish it up and eat it on her own as i was busy with bedtime. So that is what she did. She never eats at that time usually btmums do try to make it all about them x😉