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AIBU?

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Original poster

To request Xmas turkey served before 7pm

249 replies

askingaquestion1 · 23/12/2019 17:47

Going to Xmas at my Dad's. He wants us to eat our turkey meal at 7pm because I think he wants the kids to be in bed so his meal isn't disturbed by the cherubs. I'd like to eat with the kids as think it's an important family tradition plus 7pm is too late to eat such a heavy meal. Kids range from 5 to 3 months. He says not possible to eat 4.30ish as turkey won't be cooked before then. Has he got an exceptionally poor oven or a very large turkey? Or is it just an excuse?!

OP posts:
pallisers · 23/12/2019 21:54

I'm guessing for the (many) elements of Christmas that don't involve a sit-down meal grin

I know what the many elements of xmas are in the run up but what are those on christmas day? Do you think the granddad is really looking forward to church with a 3 month old or sharing quality street with a 15 month old?

There are very very few homes where the meal isn't the focal point of the actual day.

TwoOddSocks · 23/12/2019 21:55

@TriangularRatbag

Nice hosts don't exclude some of the guests (including OP who will end up upstairs with the kids while everyone is eating). Christmas is a family meal if you invite kids to Christmas you give them a Christmas dinner - the 5 year old will be looking forward to his Turkey and pigs in blankets!

It's one thing having dinner a little earlier or later than you might otherwise - that's expected but not to exclude half the guests entirely!

DecemberSnow · 23/12/2019 21:56

Christmas lunch is t the same as any other day tho....

Its at about 2/3pm at ours, always has been.... Children all involved ofcourse... Wouldnt be the same without the kiddies

SarahAndQuack · 23/12/2019 21:57

I'd be delighted with dinner at 7. My parents had us over last weekend and one day it was after 8.30.

Like a lot of people, they've just got used to not having tiny kids around. They sort of know that 8.30 is a bit late, but it's when they usually eat.

I don't mind eating at 6 or so, but I think it's ridiculous how English people seem to enjoy judging anyone whose children eat later than them. If I fed DD at 5 and put her to bed at 6 or 7 I'd barely see her on a work day! Miserable for both of us.

QuickstepQueen · 23/12/2019 22:02

I expect your dad wants to eat in an adult only situation because it's easier and I agree - out kids usually eat with us for most meals and they could stay up and be relied up to behave sensibly but they would still be distraction - and I'm not convinced Xmas dinner is a big deal to them.

wingsandstrings · 23/12/2019 22:06

I was at an event with my 12 year old DS a few weeks ago, and the speaker asked us to think about how we'd ideally spend the last day of our lives. My DS said that he would like our family to be with our extended family (Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins) all having a big meal together. These family meals are very happy times for most children - he is 12, yes, not 5 like yours, but the point is they're something lovely he has grown up with. We can't meet frequently due to distance but for xmas etc we make a big effort and it clearly is really meaningful for him. Essentially I'm saying that it's a huge shame to exclude the children from the Christmas dinner. I's go so far as to say it's quite weird, in that it's an individualistic approach that emphasises grown-ups being 'left alone' over relationship and family.

Leflic · 23/12/2019 22:19

How can so many agree with excluding the kids! What’s wrong with excited kids at 6am. It’s Christmas Day and that’s what stockings are for.

It’s more than food anyway . Its traditions. It’s the stupid cracker jokes, wearing a tissue paper hat, eating prawn cocktail in a wine glass. Its the haveng to eat Brussels sprouts or cranberry jelly or the weird stuffing. Having a choice between dark and white meat knowing it all tastes the same under a ton of gravy.

Have a lovely adults meal for New Years. No child needs to know that the next year could easily be a horror. They certainly don’t need to be up at 6am on News Years. Christmas is for them.

Original poster
askingaquestion1 · 23/12/2019 22:29

I'm the OP. We did this last year and it kind of worked although we all got indigestion and the parents of young kids were exhausted and we didn't get any of that chill out/drinking/ party games time. Also the kids were younger then and didn't realise but I'm pretty sure my 5 year old will this year! But he may be too tired to care. He eats nicely but definitely not a foodie.
I've probably raised it with my dad 3 times over the year and he kept on saying he'd think about it but only told me yesterday.
I was kind of asking a technical question about whether it is possible to serve a massive turkey late afternoon. When mum was alive we lived in a house with an aga and it would cook overnight. But it seems most people can manage to cook a turkey for lunch!
I like the idea of still making it special for the kids this year so will probably still do crackers etc for a kids tea. I don't want to make a scene this year but think my softly softly approach hasn't worked this year so I probably need to host next year even if there's not really enough room for everyone to stay...

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 23/12/2019 22:31

Christmas dinner ok between 2pm and 5pm. Any earlier and its to early a start to get the turkey in the oven, any later and its a waste of the main event.

What else are you doing with the day? What treat food do your kids get?

Offer to get up early to put the turkey in for a 5pm tea.

Miserable for the kids. Put your foot down. Gang up with your brother.

KareyHunt · 23/12/2019 22:39

I'm not convinced Xmas dinner is a big deal to them.

I'd tend to agree! I'm pretty sure they'd be happy with jam sandwiches if it meant more time watching telly or playing with presents!

pallisers · 23/12/2019 23:18

I agree christmas dinner probably isn't a big deal to the kids but it is by including them that they understand the importance of a special family meal and learn how to behave at one.

If you are happy to have them eat something separately and then have an adult meal, fine. but the parents of the children aren't happy with this - only the granddad wants to exclude the children. I really wouldn't like this. For what it is worth, it did happen us one year at BILs. I kind of understood and didn't make a fuss (bil has children too) but it wasn't right for me or my family. That year was the only year I haven't eaten christmas dinner at the same table as my children.

ironicname · 23/12/2019 23:20

Maybe he would rather not celebrate Christmas wi the cherubs?

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/12/2019 23:23

Then he shouldn’t have invited them Hmm

safariboot · 23/12/2019 23:24

7 is a reasonable time to serve Christmas dinner or indeed any dinner. I'll be aiming for 6 myself because we're having a guest who's going walking earlier in the day. But trying to exclude the children is mean and would be a deal-breaker for me.

Skysblue · 23/12/2019 23:26

It doesn’t make any sense. 7pm is not exactly a relaxing time for parents 🧐 and it’s passive aggressively weird to exclude the children. Tellhim you can’t eat at 7 as you’ll be doing bathttime etc but could eat at 6.

Cremebrule · 23/12/2019 23:29

If you dad is hosting you and your brother, who else is he hosting? It seems strange not to try and do something to suit the 4 children. I wouldn’t be without mine for my Christmas meal. It’s always been special for me and I love the photos of me as a little one at the Christmas table. My 3 year old would be very annoyed if all the adults were having a roast and she was having a sandwich.

FruitcakeOfHate · 23/12/2019 23:30

They don't remember at that age. Or care about Xmas dinner. YABU.

ThatsMySantaHisBeardIsSoFluffy · 23/12/2019 23:37

I don't mind eating at 6 or so, but I think it's ridiculous how English people seem to enjoy judging anyone whose children eat later than them. If I fed DD at 5 and put her to bed at 6 or 7 I'd barely see her on a work day! Miserable for both of us.

That's the way it is when you work and your child needs 11-12 hours' sleep a night. I've often had days where I've barely seen my kids, because their sleep and wellbeing come first. It's not miserable ensuring they get enough sleep. It's sensible. Miserable is a sleep-deprived child being kept awake for their parent(s) selfish purpose.

7pm is too late to eat for many small kids. I wouldn't be going and I wouldn't care if the host was upset, given they've just sprung this info on you.

averythinline · 23/12/2019 23:41

honestly even 5yr old foodies dont give a fuck about christmas dinner... but I think that of they are used to routinish feeding you are asking for trouble and being quite mean to muck them about so much (wouldnt have worked iwth my dc either and everyone would be miserable,...)
when the dc were that age (less tahn 7 ish depending on the child/family)
we went properly old school and did a kids tea at 5ish (picked a time that worked with most with young - and they had a mini xmas dinner so special sort of thing with crackers - we (the parents) ate our starters with them... then did young dc bedtime ... and had an adult xmas meal at 8ish......
otherwise the big meal switched to lunch and tea was a lighter thing..

TwoOddSocks · 23/12/2019 23:45

honestly even 5yr old foodies dont give a fuck about christmas dinner...

I've never considered my kids foodies (although they're not fussy either) and they have both looked forward to Christmas dinner from the age of four onwards. It's a big part of the day (probably the second biggest after stockings!). We only have pigs in blankets on Christmas day, there are crackers on the table, the Christmas pudding (which neither actually like the taste of) being set on fire. Most kids love Christmas dinner surely?

NoCleanClothes · 23/12/2019 23:47

They don't remember at that age. Or care about Xmas dinner. YABU.

Did you not read the OP? One of the kids is 5. Of course a five year old cares about Christmas dinner - I did when I was five and my kids both did when they were five (probably younger).

InACheeseAndPickle · 23/12/2019 23:49

Obviously the 3 month old doesn't give a toss but a kid older than 3 will want their roast potatoes and pigs in blankets! They'll also want to sit up with the rest of their family and pull the crackers altogether. What parent wants to eat their Christmas dinner without their young kids anyway (with the exception of the baby who I'd hope would dose through it).

IceCreamFace · 23/12/2019 23:52

Bloody hell of course kids want their Christmas dinner! That's one of my main memories of Christmas when I was little, the whole family together round the table and loads of yummy food! If you want a formal Christmas (which isn't really what it's all about for most people) don't invite kids round!

FruitcakeOfHate · 23/12/2019 23:56

but I think it's ridiculous how English people seem to enjoy judging anyone whose children eat later than them

Or those who don't put them to bed at silly early o'clock. And who never eat with the kids the other 364 days of the year because 'DP' isn't home yet but all of the sudden at Christmas it's the crime of the century. It's a bloody roast! But I guess, since they're in bed at stupid o'clock the rest of the year it's a bloody big deal the one time the adults are supposed ot deign to eat with them.

BackforGood · 24/12/2019 00:04

Christmas Dinner won't mean a lot to any dc who are always excluded from it though, will it ?

Like @wingsandstrings 's ds - my dc have all grown up being part of (lunchtime) Christmas dinner and have fond memories of Grandparents and Great Grandparents , who have since passed away, from the very fact of being able to experience / share Christmas dinner with them from when they were tiny. They have grown up that Christmas dinner is a lovely occasion, and were vocal in complaining the dd year when it has worked out it has just been the house family for Christmas dinner, as they loved the tradition of all the family sitting down together.

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