Feeling disgusted by friend’s DD’s salary

[DisgustedParent]

Best friend’s DD is the same age as mine (26) and we’ve known each other since both DD’s were born. My DD went off to uni but struggled to find a job after her degree and has ended up working in a call centre (financial services) where she is paid very poorly, has to work unsociable hours and is not treated well by management at all. It’s awful to watch her struggling to get by after rent and bills, knowing that despite working long hours, she may never own a property of her own or be able to afford to do all of the things she wants to do in life. My friend knows all about DD’s struggles and my worries for her as we are very close.

Her DD went straight in to an apprenticeship after school at 16 and landed herself in a role in Data Protection. Over the years she’s completed all sorts of professional certifications in the field and worked her way up, but never did a degree. I hear today from my friend that she has just accepted a senior management data protection role at the same large financial firm where my DD works. Friend has gleefully told me that her DD will be earning an eye watering £70,000 per year along with all sorts of benefits such as home working, health insurance, allocated parking... all of which of course aren’t available to my DD despite working for the same employer.

AIBU in feeling absolutely furious about this on DD’s behalf and thinking that there is something so very wrong about a company which pays its front line workers the absolute minimum, with no benefits whatsoever, whereas those with more ‘fancy’ job roles who probably don’t do an awful lot at all (and friend’s DD at 26 is still barely old enough to be out of school!) get to swan in to the company earning an astronomical amount, with lots of benefits on top too. Friend’s DD has already bought a house, has a brand new car, is always on holiday and draped in designer clothes. Meanwhile my DD and the rest of her call centre colleagues are threatened with redundancy regularly and are frequently told that salaries will not be increased as cuts have to be made.....How can this be justified?!

I do think it's pretty shit that frontline workers don't get the same benefits or get threatened with redundancy. I also think it's a bit grim that your mate is showing off about her daughter's salary. My parents have never asked how much we earn and I would never discuss it with them. However, your anger is completely misplaced. Your friend's daughter has done nothing wrong. She's not 'swanned in' anywhere. Sounds like she's worked hard and earned her place. Just because she didn't do a degree it doesn't mean she isn't entitled to do well.

I feel like this other girl has spent years gathering specific very technical computing and accountancy qualifications or something and the OP's daughter has appeared with a 2:1 in History Of Art from a RG uni that cost £30,000 and is pondering why these two things aren't therefore equal

I should point out that I have nothing against friend’s DD at all. I’m happy for her of course

What a whopper of a lie. How can you say you are happy for her bearing in mind your OP?

You'd hate two of my DCs, one earns similar, one earns more, slightly older and they have honestly worked their arses off. I'd love to know what degree your DD did. Mine did relevant ones which enabled them to work their way up career wise.

That's an amazing salary! It sounds as if your friends daughter has worked very hard to work her way to that salary, so what she doesn't have a degree!?

@DisgustedParent

Is this a wind-up?

My DD and some of friends who graduated from Warwick, Bournemouth, Oxford, Manchester, and Birmingham Universities are on between £50K and £80K (in media, TV, book publishing, Medical, and Law. One of them is a Senior Graphic Designer on £75,000 a year. And they are ALL in their 20s still.

Ya know what, I am chuffed to ribbons for them.

You sound very jealous and bitter.

Well my friend went to uni as a mature student. She qualified at 25 and at 29 has a salary of £60k.
So degrees are useful. Mine never led to much but I had a great time!

Your DD needs to be out there looking for better jobs. 26 is not just out of school and barely an adult. That's 5 years of professionally working after a degree. Or 10 if you left school at 16. I wouldn't want to be working in a call centre for poorly paid wages. I would be looking at other jobs and retraining.

Degrees are easy. It's work that's the hard slog

Ffs. You would probably hate my husband too who runs his own business employing 10 on good (30k plus) salaries despite having left school at 16 with 2 GCSE's. With dividends etc he significantly out earns me and I'm a solicitor.

So they are on different jobs but you're complaining the pay and benefits aren't the same??

Definitely sour grapes on your part that your DD went to uni and is now in a lower paid job. The other girl has worked hard and worked her way up - her job could be a lot more challenging and stressful than your DD and is therefore paid accordingly

I suspect that the truth is, that you always assumed that your daughter's qualifications (and thus, of course, your daughter) was superior to that of your friend's daughter.
Which, of course, makes you superior to your friend.
You have found out that it ain't necessarily so.
And it hurts like a bitch.
Sorry OP, but some apprenticeships are worth more to employers than degrees.
Just depends.on the field

well she's got a decade of work experience under her belt. when your dd has that she's likely to be more senior that call centre. was there not a graduate scheme she could have done after graduating?

Sounds like your friends daughter has worked very hard for the position she is in.

It also shows that a degree doesn’t always open the doors you think it will.

Unfortunately OP I believe @hazell42 has hit the nail on the head here.

And any of this is your business because...,,,, ?

who probably don’t do an awful lot

Utter nonsense, shows your complete ignorance and entitlement.

Someone on 70k will work very hard, will work more than their salaried hours, will have the kind of responsibility that keeps you awake at night and sees you thinking about work at weekends and on holidays.

What degree did your DD do...... Many of them aren't worth the paper they're written on (as seems to be the case here)

YABVU here, as I guarantee your friend's DD will be doing a lot more than you think. My DH has gone through 2 promotions in the Bridges Department at the local Council offices. He used to wonder what the hell they did all day. His previous manager used to talk about 'fire fighting'.

Now my DH is Principal Engineer, only answering to the Bridges Manager. He now knows what was meant by 'fire fighting'. He also has far more meetings to organise and attend, and whereas previously he could work fairly flexible hours, he now needs a lot more notice when we arrange appointments for our DD1 (10), who has SEN.

You really need to get over this jealousy and bitterness, otherwise you will lose your best friend.

Quite simply your DD needs to get studying professional qualifications and working her way up IF that’s what she wants to do (& can be bothered to). It’s clearly eminently possible.

If not, she will stay where she is in her unskilled job on a low salary.

Choice is hers.

How wonderful that your friend’s daughter is being rewarded for her hard work and fantastic work ethic. I hope your daughter can look to her for inspiration rather than be so bitter and jealous like you

Your friend's DD sounds exactly like the type of person I would look for when recruiting. She is obviously a self starter who is smart enough to recognise what she needed in terms of qualifications to get ahead, and went ahead and got them while working full time. That shows a lot more initiative and ability than doing a degree in a probably unrelated subject and sitting back and waiting for highly paid offers to roll in. What further training or development has your DD done since getting her degree? I'm sure posters here could order some constructive advice.

Your fury is really misdirected at a hard working 26 year old woman when young people are currently very disenfranchised. I bet any money you vote Tory.

70k really would make her a top earner for her age and assuming it's true she's done incredibly well.

Dd needs to sort her own work life out, there's no point in comparing to other people. All that matters is you and how your wages meet your life expectations.

Tbh I'd be more likely to be by the earnings of reality tv 'stars' etc than an intelligent young woman who has ploughed her way through lots of boring exams and worked really hard. Also the exams she has taken probably are at the same level as a degree anyway.

was there not a graduate scheme she could have done after graduating?

Exactly.

One of my DC's applied for over 30 grad training schemes, that was a job in itself. She got two offers out of all the applications, and has worked her way up and now has a package worth £80K. She has been with the Co for 8 years and has worked so so hard to reach this point

You daughter is doing a job which doesnt require a degree or any professional qualifications or experience, so it is low paid.

The other woman is doing a job which would require a degree or professional qualifications plus experience, so it is higher paid. She got the qualifications and the experience by working her way up. She has wanted the extra money.

If your daughter wants the extra money then she needs to look for a job using her degree or start working her way up and taking professional qualifications etc.

The salary is based on risk and value. Your friends DD is clearly very good at her job and it will carry a lot of responsibility and a massive financial and reputational risk to the company if she does something wrong - risk of large regulatory fines etc.

Don't get me wrong, a call handler is probably one of the most demanding jobs in FS there is, it's pressured and poorly rewarded. but the personal risk your DD takes is minimal and her value is not as great as they can bring in others and train them fairly easily.

Maybe your DD isn't trying hard enough or as bright and ambitious as you like to think. Given the highish turnover in FS call centres, at age 26 your DD could easily be a coach or team leader or even a team manager by now. The higher you climb the tree the greater perosnal risk you take and the greater the rewards.

I can't get my head around this at all.

OP, do you not understand how the working world works?

That people with jobs are paid based on factors such as performance, experience, skill, talent, responsibility, risk etc?

Your DD's friend is doing a job that requires a lot of experience, responsibility, identifying, mitigating and handling risks to data security among other things.

Of course she'll be paid more than someone working on the phones in a call centre

There are companies that restrict pay between highest & lowest paid, Canada and Spain both have a couple.

ivykaty44 it only works when the company is REALLY successful and can pay the most junior roles way above the market rate.

In the real world, try to recruit the best people on low pay and low packages and see how far you get. You have to SELL something to get people to sign in, if it's a low-ish salary then the package and flexibility and god knows need to be exceptional.

In your example, if you take away the pot washers, the general manager can step in - that's how many small business start actually, and employ more people as they grow.
Take away the general manager and none of the employees have a job anymore because no one can run the place. If you can easily replace the chef, s/he won't be paid as much as they would if it was really hard to employ a decent one... supply and demand also.