Feeling disgusted by friend’s DD’s salary

[DisgustedParent]

Best friend’s DD is the same age as mine (26) and we’ve known each other since both DD’s were born. My DD went off to uni but struggled to find a job after her degree and has ended up working in a call centre (financial services) where she is paid very poorly, has to work unsociable hours and is not treated well by management at all. It’s awful to watch her struggling to get by after rent and bills, knowing that despite working long hours, she may never own a property of her own or be able to afford to do all of the things she wants to do in life. My friend knows all about DD’s struggles and my worries for her as we are very close.

Her DD went straight in to an apprenticeship after school at 16 and landed herself in a role in Data Protection. Over the years she’s completed all sorts of professional certifications in the field and worked her way up, but never did a degree. I hear today from my friend that she has just accepted a senior management data protection role at the same large financial firm where my DD works. Friend has gleefully told me that her DD will be earning an eye watering £70,000 per year along with all sorts of benefits such as home working, health insurance, allocated parking... all of which of course aren’t available to my DD despite working for the same employer.

AIBU in feeling absolutely furious about this on DD’s behalf and thinking that there is something so very wrong about a company which pays its front line workers the absolute minimum, with no benefits whatsoever, whereas those with more ‘fancy’ job roles who probably don’t do an awful lot at all (and friend’s DD at 26 is still barely old enough to be out of school!) get to swan in to the company earning an astronomical amount, with lots of benefits on top too. Friend’s DD has already bought a house, has a brand new car, is always on holiday and draped in designer clothes. Meanwhile my DD and the rest of her call centre colleagues are threatened with redundancy regularly and are frequently told that salaries will not be increased as cuts have to be made.....How can this be justified?!

Have a word with yourself, friends DD worked her way up from the bottom 🤦‍♀️

Your DD made her career choice! I don't buy that it's the only job option she had! Is she still looking?
Green eye ......

Your DD needs to aim higher.

The friend had a job where she’s taking on an awful lot of responsibility. The fines for data protection breaches are huge, and she’s paid in-line with that risk. Your daughter is in a call centre role where she can be replaced easily with someone else with limited skill.

You’re jealous, and a pretty shitty friend.

Reverse surely

Good grief OP. What a sour attitude. Your DD simply needs to get out of the call centre business and find her niche in something more lucrative. Stop resenting other people's success, that is surely not the problem here is it?

get to swan in to the company earning an astronomical amount

She hasn’t though has she? She has worked hard to gain the qualifications and experience to successfully be appointed to a senior role.

This exactly. Get over yourself.

Taking into account a levels and a degree, your friends DD has a five year headstart on yours when it comes to time in the actual workplace.

I did a levels and a degree too so that isn't coming from any negative place. I hate the idea that having a degree is a ticket to a highly paid secure job. It's so unbelievably entitled and looks down on people who don't go to uni, as if they should know their place and not be able to enjoy the "good" jobs as you see them.

Yes it would be lovely if your daughter could have one of those but why should she have it just because she chose the higher education route rather than a vocational one? You are being ridiculous.

As I say I did the higher education route, with a chip on my shoulder as the only one from a council estate and now realise that snobbery and inverse snobbery are both dick moves.

Nobody owes anyone a living. Don't waste your energy being jealous of someone else's child doing well in life.

Gleefully told you...
Eye watering...

Grow up.

Especially as this girl has (as YOU have told us) worked from 16 in an apprenticeship and since completed a number of professional qualifications to firm up her position and employability in the industry.

She sounds like a focused grafter. I'd be pretty gleeful if she was my daughter to be honest.

Life isn't fair.

Is this a reverse?

What if your daughter got a graduate job with a decent salary? Would that be ok?
What is her degree? Why is she doing this job?
Well done to friend's daughter who has clearly worked very hard
You are jealous
You are bitter

Actually your friend's DD reminds me of my BIL. He didn't go to uni, instead he did an apprenticeship in accounting and has had a long career in the NHS, where he reached the role of director. His salary was the same as your friend's DD (except that he moved away to work as director of a local charity earning far less money now. High salaries are not without cost to family life).

This HAS to be a reverse surely?

Lots of mentions of "Reverse"

Can someone explain? I'm new to Mumsnet.

Thanks

If this for real then it displays a very misplaced snobbery on your part. Degrees these days are not necessarily as prestigious as they once were with every former Polytech rebranding itself with a fancy University name. Unless, someone studies a very specific course that reflects industry requirements, it really isn’t worth much in real life. In Europe, there are two pathways to higher education and career development. One way is to go to University, often this the route taken by middle class folk, as they seem to have no issue with a less directional path till graduation. The other option are apprenticeships in the chosen industry with ongoing schooling. This means actually working from day one and having very hands-on experience while still training and learning. Then like you DD’s friend, you can continue studying part time and evenings while working your way up. These kinds of courses are very useful and obviously make a candidate very valuable to an organisation. Compared to your rather directionless sounding DD, her friend worked harder for a decade and studied to probably a much higher level in real terms. Since your DD does a very basic entry level job, of course, she should not expect to get anywhere the same money as her much more focused and hard-working friend. Her degree is absolutely irrelevant. You are not answering what kind of degree, which makes me wonder if it is a really generic one that doesn’t really qualify her for the real world. Get a fucking grip!

Yet another reverse.

It has to be a reverse. I pissing hate reverses.

Work, intelligence and money aren't tied to a universal pay scale. There are many, many anomalies. The hermit with a PhD who writes brilliant poetry will be living a far more frugal life even than an unqualified, unimaginative person who fell into a dull job. Obviously that's extreme, but monetary value is often different to inherent worth and education for its own sake.

Some say to young people 'do what you love, the money will follow', or 'follow your dreams' etc. (Yes, I was taken in by that. The money did not follow). It would be more helpful to at least recognise that while enjoyment and academic endeavour are very important, you do also need to earn enough to live on.

As most other posters say, YABU. I would also be interested in what your daughter’s degree is in. She needs to start looking for a graduate trainee programme or thinking where she wants her degree to take her, or if it is indeed relevant to her future.

One of my children did a vocational degree and is now in a promoted specialist NHS role on a mid £30k salary at 27, and owns a house. The other did a very specialised maths based degree at a Russell group university, got a first, and entered a highly competitive graduate programme on graduation. He is on close to £60k now at 25, but has worked his socks off for the last 3 years, 60 hour weeks are regular, unsocial hours etc. He also has a job now that holds a lot of responsibility and potential to lose the company millions.

Yes they have been fortunate but also chose their degrees wisely and then worked hard to get into the right place for their futures.

I’m waiting to see if DD degree is obscure; the habitats of Mongolian birds 🤣🙄

are you dd by any chance pretending to be a disgusted and jealous mother ?
what was your degree in ? and why can't you look for another job if things are that bad ?

All degrees are commendable, but some might be a tad more useful than others to progress in your chosen field.
Some might even be completely irrelevant with the financial world

www.uca.ac.uk/study/courses/ba-hand-embroidery/

www.cssd.ac.uk/course/puppetry-design-and-performance-ba

What did your daughter do again, and why did she stop there?

It sounds like the other woman worked very hard from the age of 16 when a lot of other people were mucking about or enjoying uni life.

You obviously expected your Dd to go to university then swan into a job.
The world doesn't work like that anymore. Unless you actually NEED a degree ide steer clear.

@JustACog

It means you are actually the injured party, in this case, the friend, writing as if you were the jealous parent, to see if people agree that the other party behaved badly when phrasing it from their viewpoint.