Feeling disgusted by friend’s DD’s salary

[DisgustedParent]

Best friend’s DD is the same age as mine (26) and we’ve known each other since both DD’s were born. My DD went off to uni but struggled to find a job after her degree and has ended up working in a call centre (financial services) where she is paid very poorly, has to work unsociable hours and is not treated well by management at all. It’s awful to watch her struggling to get by after rent and bills, knowing that despite working long hours, she may never own a property of her own or be able to afford to do all of the things she wants to do in life. My friend knows all about DD’s struggles and my worries for her as we are very close.

Her DD went straight in to an apprenticeship after school at 16 and landed herself in a role in Data Protection. Over the years she’s completed all sorts of professional certifications in the field and worked her way up, but never did a degree. I hear today from my friend that she has just accepted a senior management data protection role at the same large financial firm where my DD works. Friend has gleefully told me that her DD will be earning an eye watering £70,000 per year along with all sorts of benefits such as home working, health insurance, allocated parking... all of which of course aren’t available to my DD despite working for the same employer.

AIBU in feeling absolutely furious about this on DD’s behalf and thinking that there is something so very wrong about a company which pays its front line workers the absolute minimum, with no benefits whatsoever, whereas those with more ‘fancy’ job roles who probably don’t do an awful lot at all (and friend’s DD at 26 is still barely old enough to be out of school!) get to swan in to the company earning an astronomical amount, with lots of benefits on top too. Friend’s DD has already bought a house, has a brand new car, is always on holiday and draped in designer clothes. Meanwhile my DD and the rest of her call centre colleagues are threatened with redundancy regularly and are frequently told that salaries will not be increased as cuts have to be made.....How can this be justified?!

Data Protection is boring as shit, so I'm sure she earns every penny of that 70k. I wouldn't want to trade..

Sounds like a reverse. Some people get more opportunities than others, make better choices, go on to develop more lucrative careers. Your dd is young and can change her lot if she wants to. She could have applied to graduate programmes etc and can still retrain to increase her earning potential.

I think you sound like a bitter old snob tbh. I guarantee that if your daughter was in the high paid job and her friend wasn't you'd be over the moon, you're just presuming your daughter is more deserving because she has a degree. How dare you presume this girl "does nothing" to earn her salary? I'm willing to bet she has worked extremely hard to get where she is today instead of sitting about at university for years. I honestly can't get over your attitude, if you want to live in a communist society that's fine but it sounds more like you just feel like your family deserves to be on top. If I were your friend I'd cut all contact with you.

I understand your post completely. Your friends DD is a hell of a lot more valuable to the company than yours.

Her dd is obviously a very hard worker and has acquired skills along the way that are required for this position
. So, she wasnt academic and took a route that suited her, I have a friend who never went to university, worked very hard and is a very good paying job.....does she deserve that.....damn right she does !
You should be happy for her if you are that close to her DM.
You sound jealous.

^this! I couldn’t agree more; data protection is very dull, and because of this anyone who knows it well can command a very high salary, particularly in the financial world. Your daughter could train in this but frankly it not that exciting and you end up in golden handcuffs.

I actually think YANBU OP but it's coming out sideways. The friend's daughter probably did get quite lucky in her choice of career - it's natural when your own DD is struggling you'll feel a little jealous and friend shouldn't be rubbing it in your face. I would try to be positive on DD's behalf though. She's only 26 and has plenty of time to retrain - could you look together at in demand professions? She could even live in a different country and have an adventure! She's not tied down presumably.

@cuddling57 I really think that uni now is not worth it unless it is an essential requirement for a job.

I did 2 out of 3 years of a marketing & psychology degree. No real reason to pick it, other than it sounded interesting. That was in the days of a full student loan, fees covered and barely any interest fees.

I had to leave at the end of 2nd year due to the sudden and devastating death of my mum, so walked away with a Diploma of Higher education and about £9000 loan to repay. Which I finally paid of this year, 15 yrs after leaving uni.

Have literally never used that DipHE or anything I learned at Uni, but I am now in a senior role.

Nowadays when you have £9000 fees a year, higher cost of living, lower loan amounts, higher interest rates, I would definitely encourage DD into vocational qualifications. I will also be encouraging part time work at legal age. Nothing has benefitted me as much as early work experience, and nothing is as off putting to me when hiring as someone who has never worked and just finished uni. Experience tells me they will struggle.

Wow!

The op clearly doesn't know how a business is run!

YABU your friends daughter has worked just as hard as your dd only difference is your friends daughter got herself and apprenticeship and your daughter chose to do a uni degree that will never guarantee her a job. Think you need to let go of the green eyed monster and just be happy for your friends daughter.

Well if YOU'D have worked harder then you could have had your own house and passed that to DD. Then she would one day own a house

Also id discourage anyone from going to uni. So many are now and not near enough jobs so alot of people are in debt up to their eyeballs and working in McDonalds now

What did she study at uni, what classification and where? Did she pick a useful subject that makes her employable? Did she work in Sixth Form and during uni?

Are you angry because your dd has a lot of university debt? Remember this lady has 5+ years more work experience than your dd and has studied for professional qualifications so deserves the market rate.

Has your dd considered retraining in the same field as the other woman?

What did she study at uni, what classification and where? Did she pick a useful subject that makes her employable?

The OP says she has a first class criminology degree from a good university.

Your OP is really so unpleasant and bitter. “ ‘fancy’ job roles....probably don’t do an awful lot...swan in...earning an astronomical amount...always on holiday and draped in designer clothes.”

Really unpleasant way to talk about someone who has done nothing wrong at all, only made good choices and worked hard.

Jealous much?!

I think the OP is used to looking down on and pitying her friend, on the basis that her daughter left school at 16 while the OPs daughter stayed in education and went to a prestigious uni (lots of bragging rights there!).

Now she feels wrong-footed and cheated because it's not her daughter who has doing best, and she can no longer look down on her friend.

^ who is doing best

Yep Receptacle, I think you've nailed it on the head

Haven't read the whole thread but the scenario reminds me of my brother and I. He went to prep school, public school, college, uni and masters so still a student at 27 - all funded by our (1930's born, very traditional) parents.

I passed the 11+, got into the local high school, got my first job in catering at 17, worked my arse off (while having lots of fun!) went into financial sales in the 80's and earned very, very well. I resented him for having everything handed on a plate - he resented me for owning a SW11 flat when he was slumming in Vauxhall.

We haven't spoken for 20 years now. No real point to this post other than life doesn't always turn out the way you planned...

bellybutton that's not correct. The graduate labour market is quite positive at present. In some sectors there are actually more jobs than graduates.Don't believe the many myths that do the rounds ....

cuddling actually I'd advise the opposite. University is very good for those who don't know what they want to do but are academic.
70% of graduate jobs don't specify a particular subject.
Apprenticeships are best suited to those who have a clear career idea in mind as they train you for a specific job/sector

she has a first class criminology degree from a good university.

Which is lovely and shows good aptitude but isn't a vocational degree and usually requires a MSc of some kind to enter a career. Which is possibly why she struggled. A lot of our support staff have degrees in psychology/ criminology etc because they need an MSc to do anything further and they need to earn some money in the mean time.

She needs to get some experience in her field and move towards something more vocationally if she wants to make some decent money.

Working in a call centre is a dead end.

Her friend however HAS been working vocationally for 10 years so it's hardly surprising that she's light years ahead.

*I think the OP is used to looking down on and pitying her friend, on the basis that her daughter left school at 16 while the OPs daughter stayed in education and went to a prestigious uni (lots of bragging rights there!).

Now she feels wrong-footed and cheated because it's not her daughter who has doing best, and she can no longer look down on her friend.*

Sadly, I think you may well be right. Why else would it bother her so much?

How did you feel when your DD was ‘swanning off’ to university while friend’s DD was plodding through her FE course and apprenticeship?

If it’s genuinely only just dawned on you that we have a yawningly large income gap in the UK then what do you think should be done about it?