Feeling disgusted by friend’s DD’s salary

[DisgustedParent]

Best friend’s DD is the same age as mine (26) and we’ve known each other since both DD’s were born. My DD went off to uni but struggled to find a job after her degree and has ended up working in a call centre (financial services) where she is paid very poorly, has to work unsociable hours and is not treated well by management at all. It’s awful to watch her struggling to get by after rent and bills, knowing that despite working long hours, she may never own a property of her own or be able to afford to do all of the things she wants to do in life. My friend knows all about DD’s struggles and my worries for her as we are very close.

Her DD went straight in to an apprenticeship after school at 16 and landed herself in a role in Data Protection. Over the years she’s completed all sorts of professional certifications in the field and worked her way up, but never did a degree. I hear today from my friend that she has just accepted a senior management data protection role at the same large financial firm where my DD works. Friend has gleefully told me that her DD will be earning an eye watering £70,000 per year along with all sorts of benefits such as home working, health insurance, allocated parking... all of which of course aren’t available to my DD despite working for the same employer.

AIBU in feeling absolutely furious about this on DD’s behalf and thinking that there is something so very wrong about a company which pays its front line workers the absolute minimum, with no benefits whatsoever, whereas those with more ‘fancy’ job roles who probably don’t do an awful lot at all (and friend’s DD at 26 is still barely old enough to be out of school!) get to swan in to the company earning an astronomical amount, with lots of benefits on top too. Friend’s DD has already bought a house, has a brand new car, is always on holiday and draped in designer clothes. Meanwhile my DD and the rest of her call centre colleagues are threatened with redundancy regularly and are frequently told that salaries will not be increased as cuts have to be made.....How can this be justified?!

I keep telling my students that apprenticeships are worth looking at seriously... and this is why!

Way back in the 90s I had the privilege of a free education. Nowadays university is incredibly expensive and I think students should think very carefully about whether it will be worth it. For many legal, financial and business roles there are well paid apprenticeship routes leading to degree and degree level professional qualifications. It makes sense for the company and for their apprentices. Don’t be bitter about your DD’s choices, and don’t be a snob about others’.

I think yabu about being so bitter about your friends dd. You should be happy for her and happy that your friend is so proud.

But yanbu about feeling upset that a degree hasn’t given your dd any advantage. University is a huge business and I feel students are misled about the benefits. Student loans are also a problem.

I wouldn’t encourage my dc to get a degree unless it had a very clear pathway to a career or unless they were very passionate about it.

I know several people who have worked their way up into good careers without degrees. So it is still possible despite what students are told.

My dh is moving on to his 2nd career at the moment as an older male in his late 30s, no qualifications beyond school needed for either career. He left his first career 2 years ago due to burnout (but he did that for nearly 20 years).

He then took a 18k role that required only on the job training which was fully paid and took several weeks. He has since gained a management position and is earning 50k and there are other possibilities of promotion. I do have to say that the initial role he took was not very appealing but the management positions are a lot more appealing .....but they only employ people who have direct experience of the company and who work their way up, so there is less competition iykwiw.

My friend actually worked her way up in a call centre role and is no longer working in the call centre but is still working for the company, but in a very different role. She got into call centres straight after leaving school.

I would encourage your daughter to not settle in her current job if she is not happy but to look for a different pathway. The degree won’t hinder her, even if it hasn’t given her an advantage yet.

Not rocket science the higher the role the higher the pay and more benefits .
If you gave everyone the same benefits then you would struggle to fill roles at the top . These benefits and pay are reflected in the job role .
My manager has greater pay and some benefits I would love but at 5 o'clock I walk out the door without a backward glance he's still working and responsible for a lot more than me.

You know you are being unreasonable. I do think that full time jobs at the lower end should pay slightly more but to expect health care, parking spaces etc is just silly as there would be no incentive to work harder.

Also 26 years is hardly just out of school.

As a mother you are in pain to see your DD struggle. I'm guessing she has a student loan to pay off as well. Unfortunately times have changed and experience as well as qualifications take priority over just qualifications. Your friends DD would have worked harder gaining work experience and studying at the same time. Is your DD living at home may be she can work part-time and try doing unpaid work experience so she builds up her CV. Well done to your Friends DD and good luck to your DD

*You know you are being unreasonable. I do think that full time jobs at the lower end should pay slightly more but to expect health care, parking spaces etc is just silly as there would be no incentive to work harder.

Also 26 years is hardly just out of school.*

^This. There wouldn't be enough parking places for every call centre worker to have one anyway, would there?

Comparison really is the thief of joy....

"I think I’ve been given a bit of a hard time on here"

Justifiably so.

Yes.

I don't like a pile on, but as somebody who is competent, reliable, hardworking, intelligent but who did not go to university, I am offended by any default assumption that I don't deserve a good job! I have a job I like, not a well paid one, but going to university is a privilege. To say only the privileged deserve more privilege is a bit This is what often happens I know but it's not right.

I've come across this attitude before though, from a woman who did well at school, well at university and when she was out in the real world it frustrated her that the 'measures' of success were not just 1) study hard and 2) do the best in the exam! That had always worked for her in the past and suddenly things she had no control over such as others perception of her, her social skills, her ability to lead, her charisma and her likeability.......... They all mattered too and it made her angry.

So OP you're not alone.

The OP's complaints actually remind me of my DDs of 10 and 7. They're always comparing themselves to each other, saying 'It's not fair', whether it's about party invitations, play dates, time on the iPad etc. I've repeated the stock phrase that 'life isn't fair'.

We are supposed to have grown out of that, though.

I have nothing against friend’s DD at all. I’m happy for her of course

Every word you've uttered about her screams otherwise.

The young woman has ten years of experience in the area. She's studied hard and gained a lot of useful qualifications that are tailored to the role. And she's worked damn hard. But all you can say is 'but she started at a very low level'.
Well yes, she did. That's how it works. You start low, learn on the job, gain management skills and make your way up.

And if your daughter had achieved all that after leaving school at 16, you'd be as proud as punch.

The benefits are part of the package op. Do you not work? Have you ever worked? How can you not know this?

Salaries are competitive in the industry, if your daughter can get better elsewhere for the same role she should go. I assume she cannot. Because her package is competitive.

You should be helping your daughter apply herself. To progress if that's what she wishes. Not be seething with jealousy a friend's child is doing what you perceive as better than yours.

My post is about the unjust nature of this with regards to the way in which my DD is treated by her employer vs the pay and treatment which friend’s DD is going to be receiving from the same employer.

... and if we lived in a communist society you’d have a valid point. But we don’t, so DD isn’t entitled (not even morally) to ‘equal’ treatment or benefits when she has different qualifications, experience and role.

Your DD is a ‘bottom of the pile’ worker and when the skills/job you perform can be done by 99/100 people then you’ll always be paid less and have less security. It’s just the way it is as there aren’t enough jobs for everyone.

Having a degree nowadays means much less than professional qualifications/experience and honestly, if your DD is ‘stuck’ in a dead end call centre job she probably didn’t pick a great uni/course/take advantage of all the opportunities on offer.
Everyone goes to uni now, it’s not enough. To stand out you need a high grade from a top 50 uni and at least 2 respectable summer internships/placements - just to get an interview for grad schemes!

Wow very interesting responses on this thread.
Maybe I won't encourage my DS to go to Uni when the time comes like I thought I would unless he has a very specific career path that he wants to follow.

Sounds like the other woman grafted for years and has earned the right to be where she is. I’m sorry your DD isn’t where she wants to be but that isn’t anyone else’s fault.

Why has your dd written her life of already thinking she will never afford a house, etc?

She’s 26yo, not 56yo. She needs to use this time to think about what sort of career she could aim for before it is too late. My brother got a degree, struggled to get any job for a while. Eventually got a job serving meatballs in Ikea, then a job doing admin for an estate agents. He investigated graduate schemes during this time and applied for the civil service. He’s passed his 2 year training now and is doing well.....but it took him quite a few years after graduating.

Your daughter needs to acquire some marketable skills.
Well done the other girl - and I hope she gets a Christmas bonus for her initiative and ambition.

You just sound very jealous op, her dd has worked her way up the ladder, apprenticeships pay is shockingly shit and now she’s worked and worked until she’s on a very good wage. Your dd (like all kids were) has been sold the old go to uni and your life will be great shit, apprenticeships pay rubbish and are bad, sadly we’ve all found out this is not the case. Your dd can still earn a good wage, all she has to do is get in a career where she can climb the ladder, shit I bet there’s even opportunities for promotions in a call centre, she just needs to go for them.

I have nothing against friend’s DD at all. I’m happy for her of course

lol- no you aren't. Your entire OP reeks of jealousy, bitterness and hatred.You dont even acknowledge the hard work your friend's DD has put in to get where she is. Instead, you are stomping your feet and throwing your toys out of the pram in a petulant tantrum that your DD isn't being treated the same as someone who has put in 100 times the work as she has. Get over yourself. Your DD isn't "owed" anything just because she has a degree. Pretty much everyone I meet these days has a degree- (i have two), it doesn't make her some kind of golden child. She'll have to work her way up, just like the rest of us. What an appalling example you are setting her.

This cannot be real

Did you enjoy being the one with the good daughter going to university for a while and now it hurts that hers is doing far better? Maybe?

I get that, but degrees don’t make a good employee. Your dd should try to use her degree, though if I’m right, criminology/law are very popular, so it’s very difficult and competitive

Your daughter is in charge of her own destiny.

End. Of. Conversation

@Cuddling57 That’s exactly what I would do, I went to uni after being encouraged by teachers saying it was the only way into the industry etc to find out it was absolutely pointless me going as there’s so many others ways in. Only ever go to uni if the job absolutely requires it, I.e doctors/scientists etc

Did your dd look at graduate programs??

Her degree will lose its value the longer she sits in a call center.

young woman makes wise choices and works hard to achieve a great job. yes, totally unreasonable OP.

GIVE ME STRENGTH.