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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling disgusted by friend’s DD’s salary

730 replies

DisgustedParent · 23/12/2019 15:51

Best friend’s DD is the same age as mine (26) and we’ve known each other since both DD’s were born. My DD went off to uni but struggled to find a job after her degree and has ended up working in a call centre (financial services) where she is paid very poorly, has to work unsociable hours and is not treated well by management at all. It’s awful to watch her struggling to get by after rent and bills, knowing that despite working long hours, she may never own a property of her own or be able to afford to do all of the things she wants to do in life. My friend knows all about DD’s struggles and my worries for her as we are very close.

Her DD went straight in to an apprenticeship after school at 16 and landed herself in a role in Data Protection. Over the years she’s completed all sorts of professional certifications in the field and worked her way up, but never did a degree. I hear today from my friend that she has just accepted a senior management data protection role at the same large financial firm where my DD works. Friend has gleefully told me that her DD will be earning an eye watering £70,000 per year along with all sorts of benefits such as home working, health insurance, allocated parking... all of which of course aren’t available to my DD despite working for the same employer.

AIBU in feeling absolutely furious about this on DD’s behalf and thinking that there is something so very wrong about a company which pays its front line workers the absolute minimum, with no benefits whatsoever, whereas those with more ‘fancy’ job roles who probably don’t do an awful lot at all (and friend’s DD at 26 is still barely old enough to be out of school!) get to swan in to the company earning an astronomical amount, with lots of benefits on top too. Friend’s DD has already bought a house, has a brand new car, is always on holiday and draped in designer clothes. Meanwhile my DD and the rest of her call centre colleagues are threatened with redundancy regularly and are frequently told that salaries will not be increased as cuts have to be made.....How can this be justified?!

OP posts:

FlamingoAndJohn · 23/12/2019 18:00

Why are they not entitled to the same benefits that a senior manager working for the same firm is entitled to?

Seriously?

TrixchangeK · 23/12/2019 18:00

OP, surely you understand that most senior roles come with benefits that junior roles do not?

If your DD wants to work her way up or change career, she can.

Jocasta2018 · 23/12/2019 18:01

We've got a right Hyacinth Bucket here haven't we??
'Oh your daughter's only doing an apprenticeship? My daughter's just starting her A levels and will be going onto university to get a degree.'
Yes, low paid workers should be paid more, call centres aren't great places to work in and it sounds like your daughter is floundering but that isn't the fault of your DD's friend.
The friend will have worked bloody hard to get where she now is, she's been working from 16, remember? She's obviously very talented & grabbed every opportunity with both hands. Good luck to her!
As for the proud mother telling you her salary? Did you ram the fact your daughter had a degree down her throat whereas her DD only had an apprenticeship?

bruffin · 23/12/2019 18:01

I bet any money you vote Tory I very much doubt it,politics of envy is very much a left wing trait.

My DS 24 didn't make it through uni, got a temp job on a packing line,within months was taken on permanently and in 2 years has been promoted twice and earning far more than any of his friends inc gf who has a masters.
They are also setting up a level 4 apprenticeship for him.

Chienloup · 23/12/2019 18:02

You are "disgusted" by the salary of someone who has, by your own admission "completed all sorts of professional certifications in the field and worked her way up."???

It's not so hard to understand, is it?

newbingepisodes · 23/12/2019 18:02

I went to uni, did PhD and now have a senior job in academia.
Hubby didn't go to uni, worked from 18 and got a qualification through his work.
We both now earn the same. Good salaries.

maddiemookins16mum · 23/12/2019 18:03

The perfect example of why Uni is not for everyone. I’m secretly pleased DD is planning to join the Navy.

JacquesHammer · 23/12/2019 18:03

Why are they not entitled to the same benefits that a senior manager working for the same firm is entitled to? Why are they not deserving of a parking space or as much annual leave?

If you seriously need to ask this, then you’re very naive.

We are living in sad times if this level of inequality in the workplace is widely considered acceptable

Of course it’s acceptable.

ChristmasSweet · 23/12/2019 18:04

They are replaceable. It's very easy to find someone to answer phones. Not so easy to find someone who understands data protection and is actually interested in it (I couldn't think of anything more boring to be honest but that's just me, reading about gdpr sent me to sleep).

Your daughter has done criminology and law. That was her first kind of stupid move. They are a very common degree, as she's now found out. Tons of people chasing the same jobs. Not likely to ever get a look in.

I would say her best chance is try to get a job in police staff. Look for jobs constantly, even in other areas. There's criminology jobs in there and ones involved in law. However she's going to have to work her way up now. 4 years out of uni, her degree is now considered redundant. Start low down, they are often looking for forensics, for people to do the crime scene part, looking for evidence but not analysing it. She could work up from there. Once you're in, you're in, and training can be good (my area is). If it's anything like Scotland too, the pay is far better than private sector. And she'd be doing something meaningful.

bitheby · 23/12/2019 18:05

The jobs are not equivalent. The friend's DD's job carries a lot of responsibility and if she makes an error, the firm could be fined thousands of pounds.

If your DD makes an error then what will happen?

Also the friend's DD has a lot of extra qualifications.

Which is why I wonder if this is a reverse too because you really bigged up the other girl. Why doesn't yours train in something she wants to do?

ThisIsSanta · 23/12/2019 18:05

Gosh I do hope this is a reverse. Actually even that would be awful, because someone thinks poorly of your daughter. I'm sure you've got the message by now if this is real.

bitheby · 23/12/2019 18:06

By the way, I earn half that and went to Cambridge and have a masters and a post grad diploma as well as professional qualifications.

Not all jobs pay the same whatever qualifications you have.

topcat2014 · 23/12/2019 18:06

MN always seems surprised that life is not 'fair'. I am sure your daughter will have a decent life, Op, don't over think this.

RhiWrites · 23/12/2019 18:06

Life is not a meritocracy.

I think it’s human to be envious. But as someone else said above, friend’s DD followed a different path with a different result. She sounds bright and determined - and was probably also lucky too. You said your daughter struggled, maybe she isn’t as gifted in this particular field, or as determined or as lucky.

That’s life. You have to make your peace with it.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/12/2019 18:07

They are told they are replaceable because they are.

A lot of people are capable and skilled enough to that work, and it is not work which generates (or saves) a lot of value for the company. Therefore your daughter could walk away tomorrow and they couldn't care less, it is easy to find another joe/Jane blogged to fill her shoes. The experienced data protection specialist however is less replaceable. There's a lot of demand for those skills and not many who have them. Plus, if the company screw up on data protection the fines could be well into the millions. They care a lot if that employee leaves, so they need to pay her plenty to ensure she stays.

FlyingNorth · 23/12/2019 18:07

£70k jobs in data protection, especially in financial services carry huge responsibility. I don't think your friend's DD is doing much swanning about, she will be earning every penny.

Clangus00 · 23/12/2019 18:07

Good on her!
Just shows a degree isn’t everything!
(I haven’t RTFT)

RollaCola84 · 23/12/2019 18:07

Why are they not entitled to the same benefits that a senior manager working for the same firm is entitled to?

Really ??? Because they are replaceable and of less value to the company than the person with professional qualifications and years of experience.

scotsllb · 23/12/2019 18:08

How bitter and jealous your are! You are failing to see the wider picture.
Your DD needs to get ambitious and do whatever it's takes to get out the dead end job and into a better one.
If she is interested in law and has a 1st why does she not do the LPC / GDL and train to be solicitor? What has others god fortune and hard work got to do with her?
It's out there if you want it and are determined

Ginger1982 · 23/12/2019 18:08

"Why are they not entitled to the same benefits that a senior manager working for the same firm is entitled to? Why are they not deserving of a parking space or as much annual leave? We are living in sad times if this level of inequality in the workplace is widely considered acceptable."

Are you actually stupid? What ridiculous questions.

boomboom1234 · 23/12/2019 18:08

She's hardly just swanned in or landed anything. She's worked her arse off since school. I think she's done fantastic and you need to get some perspective. Your daughter needs to apply for graduate roles and you should focus on supporting her not wasting energy slagging off people that have done really well through hard work and grafting.

ArabellaDoreenFig · 23/12/2019 18:09

OP if everyone got the same benefits who the hell would bother their arses doing management roles?

I’ve worked minimum wage jobs, I’ve worked middle management jobs and I did a stint as senior management, and guess what? Senior roles take a lot more mental and emotional toll than minimum wage. And they need good benefits to attract the right people for the job.

But of course if it was your DD on 70k you wouldn’t think everyone should get same would you ?

ShirleyPhallus · 23/12/2019 18:09

Excellent

Marchitectmummy · 23/12/2019 18:09

I can understand that it's upsetting for you to see your friends daughter doing well while yours is struggling. However, your daughter should use her as an example of how you can progress and try to find a way to do the same herself. If your daughter wants to stay in the same field as she is in then she has a mentor.

Don't focus on bringing the other girl down, focus on pulling yours up.

bitheby · 23/12/2019 18:09

EvilPea surely you can use your equivalent experience when applying for jobs?

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