To want to raise our child Bilingual

[NewMumBGentle]

Bit of background DP is Italian, born in Italy, family still live in Italy, Italian is his native language, we've very much made a home here and have no plans to live there, although e go over to visit his family.

I'm currently 32 weeks with our first child, a little girl and the conversation tonight turned to her meeting the family when shes first born, from that id mentioned that i'd like DD to be raised bilingual. DP disagrees, he says we'll be living in England and that his parents speak conversational English so will be able to communicate with her that way, he thinks theres no point confusing her with two languages at home and is adamant he will not teach her. His parents so speak some English but there's still what i'd consider a language barrier there, i'd teach her myself but my Italian isn't the best. I just about get by when I'm there.

AIBU to be annoyed by this? I feel like she has this connection to this beautiful language and culture and he's denying her that.
AIBU

It’s an amazing opportunity he can give her. Bilingual children often talk later but they often have superior language skills.

Definitely amazing for her to be able to speak two languages :) research indicates only beneficial for children (and adults)

Tell him what an absolute waste of an amazing opportunity it will be if he doesn't speak to his own child in his own language!
What an idiot!
(my dd is bilingual Italian-English speaking and in a class with another child of Italian-UK heritage who isn't bilingual- in her case the British father didn't speak to her in English when she was small and deeply regrets it now)

I think he'd be mad not to! It has massive advantages for your dc's language skills. More relevantly, she won't be able to communicate with half her family if he doesn't!

I’d be furious. And moreover, if I were your kid, and grew up missing out on the best opportunity I would ever have to become bilingual because my father couldn’t be arsed to provide that opportunity, I’d be raging at him.

The child won't be confused. I know several people who live in one country and speak to their child in their native language (in one case the parents spoke different languages and children lived in a country with a third language) and no issues at all! It would be a great benefit for your children and easiest way for them to learn.

He’s mad. What a gift he could give her - to be completely bilingual is something that will be of enormous help to her when she’s older. I mean, he benefits from being bilingual I presume? But was it a struggle to get there with English? When it could have just been something he learnt from tiny. She could then pick up an extra language at school, possibly with greater language aptitude and have such useful and practical skills.

Tell him she won't be confused, really- and while some bilingual children speak later, as their brains hardwire the info, others don't.

Please, please, please do. I'm a careers advisor and multi lingual people will be sought after employees of the future.

I can’t see any negatives to raising your child to be bilingual, only positives. DP’s godson has been bilingual English/French from birth; when he was very young he would use the easiest word, so his sentences were a mix of French and English, but as he grew, he worked it out, and was fully fluent in both.

I know two children being raised as bilingual, and they’re taking to it like ducks to water. I think young children are like sponges, soaking everything up, so if you can do it, I really think you should.

YANBU to want your daughter to speak her father's native language, it is an important part of her culture. But if you DH doesn't agree then you need to convince him as you can't do it without him.

Do some reading up about one parent one language (OPOL). Basically he would only speak to her in Italian and you in English. It isn't easy but she will thank you in the end (but probably not until she is 16 or so).

I have 3 bilingual Dds and it is a big part of their identity.

What an absolute amazing opportunity and highly valuable life skill he’s going to deliberately deny her. That’s so sad and mean of him. Why would he not give her that gift

Speech and Language Therapist here. Growing up bilingual has cognitive benefits as well as the obvious benefit to knowing another language. The challenge would be he would neec to use Italian a lot and he obviously isn't keen.

Having worked as a teacher abroad teaching bilingual kids and friends with bilingual kids, then teaching in I'm with kids who are immigrants I think bilingualism is an amazing gift

What an eejit your DH is to deny your child such a wonderful opportunity. Unless there's some drip-feed like you know the baby will be born with special needs that will impair her cognitive ability then he is being very unreasonable! DS is bilingual, he doesn't get confused at all, and he's only 2.5. The other bilingual kids I know have had zero trouble with 2 or 3 languages.

If you were to present him with the evidence on this, would he be receptive?

I think he is, at best, extremely misguided and selfish.

You need to debunk the myth that it is confusing to speak more than one language - it is the norm in most of the world and has enormous cognitive and social advantages. Ftr almost everyone I know who has a parent who decided not to speak to them in their own language regrets it enormously and really resents it. Language is culture and speaking and unless his parents (or even him) speak excellent English I very much doubt they will ever have the same closeness that they could have with their grandchildren in Italian. I have 3 bilingual Italian/Englishbambini - trust me, it is so rewarding to raise children bilingual. If all else fails, start speaking to your child in bad Italian - that should give him the kick up the backside he needs!

YANBU to want it, but equally, you cannot force your partner to do it. Living in England, it is hard work for your partner (or at least watching DH, it us hard at times), because everything is biased towards English.

If you can persuade your DH, it is a wonderful gift to give to your daughter, and his extended family, but one that can only come from him.

Your DH and his parents are bilingual, why would he want to rob his child of the same thing?

I hope he reconsiders, I've seen my bilingual DS have all kinds of small opportunities that are unavailable to his peers.

It will be so useful later in life if she can speak two languages, not to mention how brilliant it will be for her grandparents to be able to talk to her in their native language and feel closer that way. I'd try and teach her some small things if he is insistent on not letting her learn it, maybe just nan and grandad so she can call his parents it whenever they talk?

And tell him he absolutely doesn't need to teach Italian. He just needs to speak it! Is he perhaps worried he doesn't speak "correct Italian? Does he speak dialect? Whatever he speaks naturally is what he should speak with his daughter. It is also a great way of bonding.

One parent, one language works well in bi-lingual families. So you speak to your dc in English and your DH would speak to her in Italian. She would be likely to have better English than Italian if you are living in UK and school is in English. But you can iron out some of the difference by finding Italian speaking playgroups, watching films with Italian soundtracks and spending time in Italy with other Italian speakers.

Pretty much all the available evidence suggests that bi-lingual children perform better at school than monolingual children. It would be such a shame for DC to miss this opportunity

It will obviously work better if you also speak Italian as you can then follow what your DH is saying to the child.

All our children are bilingual and it has benefitted them enormously. They switch from one language to the other as we sit at the dinner table depending on which parent they are speaking to.

It's a great opportunity for your child. YANBU.

A bit surprised by the strength of responses here. There’s no doubt that it would be a great gift, but what about the comfort of your husband? If he predominantly now speaks English, and perhaps feels more at ease using English when in this country, it seems very wrong to pressure him into doing otherwise. Language is a deeply personal thing and I think anyone should be free to converse with their child in whatever way they feel most comfortable and not self-conscious/pressured. I think his comfort in his relationship with his child trumps future career opportunities!

I’m really sad I wasn’t brought up bilingual. I’m passable in my Mum’s language now but it puts a strain on family relationships and I would love to be able to sit and have a proper talk with my elderly Aunt who is now pretty frail.