Am I being unreasonable or is she? Torn here

[groundworkmakesthepoundwork]

SIL has never approved of me BF beyond 1 year and badgered me immensely when DC was approaching 1.

DC is now over 2. Just before he turned two, I was warned that she never had liked me doing it but come 2 years, it would have to stop completely in her house at least.

So that was it, at age 2, no more BF in her house. Which is fine because DS only has it in the evening/morning and if he hurts himself.

Last week, I did feed him quite a bit in her house. He was quite upset, unusually. A few days later he came down with a bug which probably explains it. Nothing was said at the time.

I've just received a text saying that I really can't carry on feeding in her house and would I please just not? It's uncomfortable. And 'I did say this before'.

Am I unreasoned to have fed him in her house despite her saying no previously?

Obviously she has no right to tell me to stop altogether but since it's her house, I should do what's comfortable for her, shouldn't I?

Her DP couldn't care less and thinks she's ridiculous.

[StreetwiseHercules]

“ why? There has to be a cut off point somewhere. Is breastfeeding a 6 year old acceptable”

I couldn’t give a shit; it’s got nothing to do with me. What’s it to you?

[puds11]

Breast milk is always beneficial to a child so prolonged feeding makes sense. The WHO recommendation takes into consideration areas of the world where suitable food is not readily available so prolonged breast feeding is high importance.

Ultimately the decision is the mother’s to make and if she decides to continue until the child finishes naturally then that is up to her.

OP join La Leche League if you’re not a member already. I think they have specific groups for feeding beyond 1. You can make friends with like minded people and bin your weirdo SIL.

[effypandora]

I don't agree with breastfeeding for so long but that's my opinion. Your SIL needs to respect your decision for your child.

[Tombliwho]

@effypandora do you "agree" with giving young children cows milk? If so why do you disagree with milk from the appropriate species? Why does your opinion override fact?
Please educate yourself. I'm sure you don't want to come across as ignorant

[puds11]

@effypandora do you mind explaining why? I’m genuinely curious, not being goady.

[Perid0t]

Let’s not get into a breastfeeding debate. It’s your body and your child and you bf as long as you like. However she has said it makes her feel uncomfortable and to please not do it in front of her.

If you’re going to respect your friend, then you are being unreasonable here.

[Namenic]

Maybe breastfeed in another room from her? It’s the kind of thing where it is a bit weird to object to it happening if it is not going to affect you (ie if you did it in a room so someone else can’t see). Worst case - do it in the toilet.

[Isbutteracarb]

Do not breastfeed in a toilet.

[yukka]

It's a bit of both. She's unreasonable to ask and you're unreasonable to agree then ignore her.

Either another room if that's ok, or you have no choice but to restrict the time spent -leave when a feed is in the cards.

You should join the local mums Facebook group etc and expand your friendship group, you'll enjoy different friends and support.

[pumpandthump]

Shesalittlemadam I think you need to do a bit of research then, as there's significant peer reviewed evidence that extended breastfeeding causes no psychological issues, and is beneficial to child and adult mental health. I can provide the evidence for that if you'd like.

And I'm very comfortable feeding in front of my dad and FIL. My FIL is very supportive of extended breastfeeding, my dad is more uncomfortable but has now realised that's his issue (and has said this).

People don't bat an eyelid at a 2yo with a bottle, which is advised against by all health professionals, yet people are aghast at a breastfeeding 2yo, which IS advised!

[LynetteScavo]

Obviously YANBY

You seem to like your SIL otherwise, never going to get house again isn't a realistic option.

Yes, you need to make likeminded friends, but that takes time.

For now I would just feed in a different room to her. Yes, she should be the one who removes herself if she doesn't wasn't to see BF but this is Christmas and if we don't back down and compromise with family there will be so much rowing and bad feeling all over the country it's just not worth it.

You know you're right and she's wrong, but I think you're going to have to work around the awkward cow with this one.

[Equanimitas]

If you spent less time at your in-laws you might be able to make more friends. Have you looked into local playgroups and mother and child groups?

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

@MrsKoala
""""When I was last at my sisters I was quietly in another room and she came in and saw us and said ‘oh my god that’s disgusting’.""""

Your sister booming that out to all and sundry and making you feel bad about something that is your choice and absolutely NONE of her business is the thing that is disgusting here!!.

I think some people are shocked because they think of breasts being sexual and cannot divorce that in their minds from the fact that they are functional when breastfeeding. Its not like mothers are poohing on the floor in public.
This whole idea that women should hide away away or be covered in shame because of feeding a child too young for Reception is just ridiculous.

[CtrlU]

Tell her to kiss your arse on your way out and simply don’t return.

Fair enough it makes her feel uncomfortable (which I’m not entirely sure why as a breast’s main purpose is to feed and nurture) but to demand you don’t do it whilst visiting - she’s having a laugh !

Don’t go back

[Poppinjay]

I cannot imagine my son remembering what my breasts look like and recalling suckling on them 😳 That could cause him no end of emotional issues in his life. I say this as a higher professional in child psychology.

That is bloody hilarious 😂
If you genuinely are working in child psychology, you are unfit to practice.

[mediumbrownmug]

OP, she’s telling your child he can’t eat as the WHO recommends for his age in her house. I can’t understand why you are even asking about this. It may be her house, her rules, but I wouldn’t go where he wasn’t welcome to do what he needs to do.

[Tombliwho]

@effypandora oh dear. Nerve touched.

[IHateBlueLights]

It is unnecessary. But if it's your choice to carry on it's none of her business.

It's daft to say it isn't unnecessary, given the number of bottle fed babies and those who were bottle fed from 6 months or so.

I think it's a bit precious, I had a friend who carried on for years, which was her choice. But everything had to stop when she wanted to feed or the child wanted to feed. That's just rude. A 3 year old can be told to wait.

[hammeringinmyhead]

Worst case - do it in the toilet.

Lovely. We're back to comparing breastfeeding to having a piss.

[priceistight]

It's daft to say it isn't unnecessary, given the number of bottle fed babies and those who were bottle fed from 6 months or so.

What are you on about?

[LimpLettice]

She is. Just stop visiting. I understand you're social with her but the rudeness of dictating in such a fashion suggests she doesn't like you very much. She could have said gently it makes her uncomfortable and could you be discreet. I'd still think she was batshit but at least it's less rude.

My vile ex MIL did this to me. She had some professionals in her home because she she was considering fostering and told me I wasn't to feed 18 month old DD there in case the SW thought she was happy with having a pervert in her house!! Hindsight is great, she's actually a nasty and narcy old hag but at the time I was mortified.

Just saying this is probably an excellent incentive to get out and meet some decent friends.

[Atilathehunter]

I think it’s absolutely your choice and right to feed your child but I do think that she has the right to object in her own house. Her house, her rules and all that.
At the very least could there be a compromise that you do it in another room on your own?

[Frouby]

I'm torn on this.

I bf ds until 18 months. But beyond about 10 months only at home. Mainly because he was happy being passed a sippy cup or a biscuit if he got upset out and about. I fully support the right of any women to feed her child however she likes until whenever she likes.

However, socially in the UK it's not the norm. It should be but it isn't for many reasons. So although it isn't abnormal socially it isn't normal to see a bf toddler.

Having said that she is family and family should be different. I would ask her outright what makes her feel so uncomfortable. Does she have dcs herself? Did she not manage to BF? Did she chose not to? I find people who find out I bf until I did get a bit defensive if they chose not to, or were unable to. Most say 'oh I tried but my milk didn't come in/baby couldnt latch/he wouldn't be put down etc. All valid reasons but they don't need to justify their reasons to me. But women are so pressured to bf (when tiny) that sometimes a successful bf baby/toddler makes them feel a failure

It's a funny thing bfing an older baby. You get praised and fussed over until they are 6 months, then they ought to be swigging a can of coke or something.

[IHateBlueLights]

What are you on about?

@priceistight Try reading the thread. OP said it wasn't unnecessary. I was disagreeing.