Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable or is she? Torn here

132 replies

groundworkmakesthepoundwork · 22/12/2019 19:51

SIL has never approved of me BF beyond 1 year and badgered me immensely when DC was approaching 1.

DC is now over 2. Just before he turned two, I was warned that she never had liked me doing it but come 2 years, it would have to stop completely in her house at least.

So that was it, at age 2, no more BF in her house. Which is fine because DS only has it in the evening/morning and if he hurts himself.

Last week, I did feed him quite a bit in her house. He was quite upset, unusually. A few days later he came down with a bug which probably explains it. Nothing was said at the time.

I've just received a text saying that I really can't carry on feeding in her house and would I please just not? It's uncomfortable. And 'I did say this before'.

Am I unreasoned to have fed him in her house despite her saying no previously? Blush

Obviously she has no right to tell me to stop altogether but since it's her house, I should do what's comfortable for her, shouldn't I?

Her DP couldn't care less and thinks she's ridiculous.

OP posts:
Wilmalovescake · 22/12/2019 20:43

Priority number one for you in 2020 needs to be making new friends so you don’t have to have this madwoman in your life so much.

Poppinjay · 22/12/2019 20:44

I'm not uncomfortable around babies being breastfed but I am when they are bigger.

Well you have a very weird POV and need to get a grip. There problem her is your twisted perception of BFing which is caused by not having been around it enough.

OP, you need to find some friends who wouldn't try to impose their views on you in this way. Your SIL has no right to out you in this position for absolutely no reason.

Stop relying on her and find some more worthwhile people to be around.

EasterIssland · 22/12/2019 20:46

Agree with what others have said. Time to find some non judgmental friends. Someone who dictates what you’ve to do with your child is not your friend.

Bezalelle · 22/12/2019 20:48

She needs to mind her own effing business.

nicnacnew · 22/12/2019 20:51

Bit hypocritical to say that Op can do as she chooses while at the same time pouncing on anyone who dares to voice their own pov. Personally I think when they can ask for it they are too old or it, however I wouldn't forbid someone from bf in my home.

Hugsgalore · 22/12/2019 20:53

@MadameButterface apologies, I'm a physicist. It's the spelling used in Maths. My phone auto corrects because I us3 it a lot.

Hugsgalore · 22/12/2019 20:54

I disagree @We3kingsoforientareandabump she should have excused herself to another room or asked if there was somewhere private she could go.

Hugsgalore · 22/12/2019 20:56

Grow up @MadameButterface calling people who disagree a loon and pointing out spelling mistakes. Does it make you feel like the bigger person. You're so "woke".

nicnacnew · 22/12/2019 21:00

Assuming you didn't have to be there for any special reason, not sure why you wouldn't have said you needed to go home as ds clearly upset/unwell. Would never dream of making someone uncomfortable in their own home, especially as you were fully aware that she would be.

Hugsgalore · 22/12/2019 21:03

@Poppinjay yeah... I don't have a weird point of view... I find it uncomfortable. Every one is entitled to their own opinion. I find some women can be very "in your face" when breastfeeding... you know... making sure everyone knows that they are the best mothers out there.

Bowerbird5 · 22/12/2019 21:03

Congratulations on still feeding your child. Any cafes nearby.You could nip out and fed somewhere else.Grin

90schic · 22/12/2019 21:05

OMG how awful. I am breast feeding my 16months old and have faced similar backlash from in laws and parents. So this is a very touchy subject for me. Personally I think It’s totally unacceptable and bizarre when ppl find breastfeeding uncomfortable! It’s a babies natural food for gods sake. Nobody would have an issue with you feeding a bottle of formula or a glass of cows milk.... (the milk of a totally different species) she is being absolutely unreasonable. The average weaning age globally is FOUR! The west has a weird fucked Up view of breasts and feeding due to porn and general prudishness it’s so awful and unacceptable, people need to educate themselves on the benefits of breastfeeding and normalise it! Breast feed your baby with pride and tell her to get stuffed! Please make new friends this woman is clearly awful OP

LiviaSoprano · 22/12/2019 21:05

It's not really any of her business.

Why can't she look away or leave the room?

Poppinjay · 22/12/2019 21:07

I find some women can be very "in your face" when breastfeeding... you know... making sure everyone knows that they are the best mothers out there.

It's weird to feel uncomfortable around any mother feeding their child as nature intended. I've never met any mother who is 'in your face' about BFing. I'm pretty sure this is a MN myth, used to justify the odd preference for feeding human children cows' breastmilk. That most certainly is weird.

willowmelangell · 22/12/2019 21:12

Can you text to explain that, ".. you were aware of her wishes but your ds was unusually fretful and it turned out he was poorly. You were doing what was best for him at the time and were not deliberately trying to upset her."
Have you looked at mum groups or play events in your local area? It is very hard being isolated from adults. Can your HV advise you?

nicnacnew · 22/12/2019 21:13

OP is clearly weaning now though. So was bf for comfort rather than sustenance. This as you have said is entirely her choice however it was something which she chose to do while knowing it would make sil uncomfortable.

IM0GEN · 22/12/2019 21:13

OP - your SIL is a controlling loon. Do what everyone else says and find new friends.

Oh and @Hugsgalore - TBH feel very uncomfortable when I see mothers bottle feeding children, I find they are often very ‘in your face’ , they don’t even try to hide behind a scarf / shawl like most BF mothers.

Even though Bottle bottle feeding is so unnatural, they don’t act ashamed, it’s almost as if they feel entitled to be out in public feeding their babies the way they want.

Weird.

nicnacnew · 22/12/2019 21:16

And if it just so happens that you can't bf, what should you do then? Let your child starve so as not to offend? Don't be ridiculous. There is a reason formula was invented and indeed given in prescription.

underneaththeash · 22/12/2019 21:18

I don't like older children being breastfed either, it's completely unnecessary and it makes me uncomfortable.

But it's none of my business at all if women choose to do it. However, you agreed with your sister-in-law that you wouldn't do it and you did - so either don't do it at her house or don't go round. It's rude to do something at their house that makes them uncomfortable when you've agreed previously not to do it.

Hugsgalore · 22/12/2019 21:20

@IM0GEN your post is ridiculous

slashlover · 22/12/2019 21:20

Boxing Day, all day. And Christmas too, but she lives with my MIL and I'll only see her in the late morning before she heads off to her DP's with her kids

How does your MIL feel? It's HER house and not SILs.

ISmellBabies · 22/12/2019 21:21

So it's not even her house, it's MIL's house? Tell her that what you do with your boobs is none of her fucking business and she needs to get over herself. What's she going to do, manhandle you out? Call the police? Get to fuck, the silly cunt!

Icanflyhigh · 22/12/2019 21:22

Wow. Your child, your choice.
I'd have told SIL to feck off long ago.
What a nasty bitch she is.
And as for being lonely without her, I'd rather be lonely.

90schic · 22/12/2019 21:23

@IM0GEN

AMEN! Good post! Can you imagine if you told a bottle feeding mum to stop?? That it was making you feel uncomfortable. There would be utter outrage. Enrages next when people say things about breastfeeding!

nicnacnew · 22/12/2019 21:24

Presumptuous, perhaps sil owns house.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.