Am I being unreasonable or is she? Torn here

[groundworkmakesthepoundwork]

SIL has never approved of me BF beyond 1 year and badgered me immensely when DC was approaching 1.

DC is now over 2. Just before he turned two, I was warned that she never had liked me doing it but come 2 years, it would have to stop completely in her house at least.

So that was it, at age 2, no more BF in her house. Which is fine because DS only has it in the evening/morning and if he hurts himself.

Last week, I did feed him quite a bit in her house. He was quite upset, unusually. A few days later he came down with a bug which probably explains it. Nothing was said at the time.

I've just received a text saying that I really can't carry on feeding in her house and would I please just not? It's uncomfortable. And 'I did say this before'.

Am I unreasoned to have fed him in her house despite her saying no previously?

Obviously she has no right to tell me to stop altogether but since it's her house, I should do what's comfortable for her, shouldn't I?

Her DP couldn't care less and thinks she's ridiculous.

Oh FGS stop going to this awful woman's house- why are you so keen to go round there if she is so judgy and intolerant. Just stop going there. Problem solved. I dont know why you'd even want to go round to someone's house who is so judgemental and prescriptive about how you should live your life. Fck her, do what you want in your own home.

People who are “uncomfortable” or “opposed” to breastfeeding have issues and require therapy.

This is awful OP! I can’t believe that a family member and “friend” would actually say this and be serious.
I’m still breastfeeding my 16 month old and whilst he only usually feeds morning and night, there is the occasional time he might want a feed in the day. Fortunately my family are supportive and wouldn’t bat an eyelid these days I definitely think you should look to make some new friends in the new year and stop going to SILs!

Some of the posters here are the reason many mothers give up breastfeeding earlier than they would like. There is nothing wrong with feeding an older baby or toddler, perfectly normal in many parts of the world and not at all unnecessary as a previous poster suggested. I would not deprive my DS of something which he likes and also benefits his health because it makes a few people uncomfortable. Those people need to look at why they feel this way and address their own issues.

Well done in persevering OP, it’s not easy.

If it makes her uncomfortable then you need to not do it in her house. While I don’t agree it should make her uncomfortable and think you should do whatever is right for you and your kid, she asked you not to do something in her house and you shouldn’t do it. You might want to not go around there again if it won’t work for you.

What’s your DP said op?
Is it your mil house?
Why don’t you just message back “fuck of you weird pervert. This is the natural function of breasts.”

I think @IMOGEN was just taking the piss out of people who say breastfeeding mothers are in your face.

I'm still breastfeeding my nearly 15 month old. I haven't fed him in public for quite a few months now, as he can just have water/very weak squash when we are out. I have no qualms about feeding him at other peoples houses though, and they aren't narrowminded enough to ban me. My mum occassionally says stuff like "god are you still feeding that boy", and I just wave a boob at her (joke incase a snowflake gets offended) and get on with it. If they have visitors though I will feed him in a different room.

I will carry on breastfeeding for as long as we are both happy. I instigate feeding a lot of the time if I think he hasn't had enough water during the day.

OP if I were you I'd look for some new friends in the New Year, and if your SIL is still about and your lo needs feeding over the Christmas period, do it in a different room to keep the peace.

Get yourself some new acquaintances.

I had a friend who exposed her whole boob and then leant down to scoop up her toddler to let him feed . I was a bit shocked first time she did it. But mjust assumed she was comfortable in my presence, we were in her home and of course she could that . Fast forward to our next meet up in a packed cafe ... same thing. Er was a tad more embarrassing and I truly felt uncomfortable. So if you are doing this ( my DH called it the flash dance move) then I can kind of get your sisters opinion. If you are not a 'flasher ' then can't see why she's got a problem . HTH !

I don't like older children being breastfed either, it's completely unnecessary and it makes me uncomfortable

It's not unnecessary. Why on Earth do people say this?

@StreetwiseHercules - why? There has to be a cut off point somewhere. Is breastfeeding a 6 year old acceptable?

There may be a cut off, but that's between the mother and child, and sod all to do with her.

I think you need more friends than this silly bitch anyway. She's obviously bossy and keen on having her own way, and because she is your SIL, you really need other people to be friends with as she is always going to take your H's side if you disagree, because she is part of his family.
Look for local toddler groups, start attending them.

I think @IMOGEN was just taking the piss out of people who say breastfeeding mothers are in your face. Absolutely! And of course just think of all those who have weaned onto solids brazenly eating in public in restaurants and cafes! You really only should eat in the privacy of your own home... OP is there a Breastfeeding Network group near you for support and meeting new people?

@Hugsgalore no she shouldn't!

I don't like mayonnaise but I don't ask everyone else in a cafe to leave because they want to eat it and I don't want to see.

Her house, it's up to her. If you don't like it, don't go there.

She’s putting you in an awful situation OP. I’d probably go round there a bit less TBH.

DC3 turned 3 recently, he’s still breastfed.
Mostly he just wants it at bedtime, but this last week or so, he’s been poorly with a bad cold. His appetite’s been right down - he was even refusing the chocolate from his advent calendar - but he’s been demanding breastfeeds a lot more than usual.
I’m very glad right now that we kept going with it because he clearly needs it at the minute.

How many two year olds still have milk though? Like cow's milk (along side a diet of solids) I mean most do. I have no idea why people think it's strange to give a human two year old human breast milk with a diet of solids but it's perfectly fine if it's from another mammal just not a human?!
Ok well either I wouldn't go there at all or if you really want don't want that option, she should give you a private room to use. If it causes her to get her knickers in such a twist, seeing a mother breastfeed.

@UndertheCedartree That is so, so wrong...
Expressing, fair enough. I'm all for expressing as long as possible and did it until 18 months when he began refusing any milk. However at 4 they are likely to remember. I cannot imagine my son remembering what my breasts look like and recalling suckling on them 😳 That could cause him no end of emotional issues in his life. I say this as a higher professional in child psychology.

On a personal level, I cannot imagine taking my 36GG boobs out to feed my 4yr old (my 120cm tall 4yr old who is now capable of writing his own name & making phone calls!) and not expect it to make others uncomfortable?
I mean, I'm ALL for public breastfeeding and did it myself! Happily.
Not at 4 though?
You do what you're happy with, obviously. I'm just saying please don't act shocked if others are uncomfortable.
A good way of looking at it, is if you'd not feel comfortable doing in front of your father or father in law then I'd avoid in front of others too.

@We3kingsoforientareandabump Why should Hugsgalore have to move away? What if it's her house? Or she was sat in a restaurant eating? I'm NOT against public breastfeeding by the way! I did it myself

Is it her house or MIL's house OP.
OP's son is only two and He only feeds twice a day morning/evening or when ill. What strikes me as odd is that SIL's banned it in the whole house, there's no please do it upstairs or in another room which is the obvious (though annoying) compromise.
What is more.. you posted today 22nd of December, does she actually expect you to turn off your milk supply in just 4 days and sit there with bursting boobs risking mastitis (which is horribly uncomfortable).
She is a tyrant

I cannot imagine my son remembering what my breasts look like and recalling suckling on them 😳 That could cause him no end of emotional issues in his life.

What the fuck?

So being naked in front of your 4 year old could cause him no end of emotional issues? Oh please.

Child psychology expert my arse.

Natural human weaning age is typically between 4 and 7. I doubt evolution would have designed something that would emotionally damage children 🤔

Have I missed if it’s her house or mils? If it’s hers then I’d answer that I understood and wouldn’t be visiting again. If it’s mils then I’d clarify if mil didn’t want you to feed there and speak to her directly.

My family aren’t impressed that I still feed dd who is 3.2. When I was last at my sisters I was quietly in another room and she came in and saw us and said ‘oh my god that’s disgusting’. But she thinks the fact I didn’t take dh’s surname is disgusting too, so I ignore her silly opinions.

I don’t often feed dd in public but will if she’s distressed or unwell. I wear shirts mainly so I doubt anyone even notices. We are a well oiled machine of discretion.

Can you text back and say whilst you respect her wishes it could be difficult if your DC needs a feed and would she object to you feeding in another room.

I cannot imagine my son remembering what my breasts look like and recalling suckling on them 😳 That could cause him no end of emotional issues in his life. I say this as a higher professional in child psychology

Could you please link to some peer reviewed research that supports this view ? Because I’m all in favour of evidence based practice.

And I know that no one who was in fact a “ Higher professional in child psychology “ would make such a controversial claim on social media unless there was reliable research to back it up.

Thanks

@underneaththeash

Children naturally lose interest in breastfeeding and the ability to suckle. Alternatively the mother doesn't want to breastfeed anymore for whatever reason.That's the cut off.