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AIBU - to feel like we are being punished for something ?

145 replies

Makinganewthinghappen · 22/12/2019 04:17

Trying to be a little vague so I don’t give myself away here !

18 months ago we were a happy family - parents and six kids - 2 we undergoing autism assesment and we have never been rich(!) but we had a 5 bedroom house we rented, ran our own business and we were comfortable and generally happy.

Then our landlord gave us 8 weeks to move so she could sell the house, at the same time our business collapsed due to a problem with a business partner - again not giving too much detail but he is mentally ill and unstable- this becomes relevant later. We ended up having to move to a tiny 3 bed terrace, damp and obviously cramped (5 girls in one room)one teenage boy in box room.

BUT we knew we could build our business back up again and it was temporary and we could move to a bigger house again. So worked all the hours, stick it out built up business on our own over the last year and tbh money/ business is ok now.

BUT a month or so ago we were let’s say “victims of a crime” at the hands of the ex partner which meant police involvement, children being terrified. (bearing in mind 2 are autistic and not able to cope with feeling unsafe in their home) we are now unable to stay at the house and had to pack bags and leave with no where to go.

We are now split up in two different family members homes, and especially in this one it’s clear we are not very welcome, we have to stay out all day, and keep the kids quiet and upstairs at night. but it’s that or roam the streets at this point.

DH and I have been struggling to find somewhere to live - we have money to pay for a house but finding a house of any kind especially at this time of year has been challenging. We finally found a house that would accept us 2 weeks ago.

The agency have been awful, dragging their feet, every little thing has been a struggle to get through. The latest thing was we were struggle to prove we had the right to rent (that we are not illegal immigrants!) despite both of us being British, providing birth certificates and marriage certificates etc!

Anyway we were supposed to move last week, then Saturday. Both times cancelled last minute because of issues with the referencing place. Now they say Monday.

We don’t drive so we’re relying on a removal place which we can’t get until after Xmas, we can get family member to move our beds and a few bits but that’s it until after Christmas.

Oh and in all this I forgot to add DH was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition last year which means he is in a lot of pain especially sleeping on temporary beds etc so moving furniture will be difficult .

So even if we do get keys Monday. We will be having christmas with no furniture, eating on the floor etc. Or if we don’t get keys separated into two houses and having to sit quietly upstairs .

At this point I really feel like we are cursed, we have done nothing but work hard to try and improve things, but every time we do something seems to take it away.

I really feel like saying you know what I give up. None of this is going to work our anyway.

AIBU to be seriously starting to believe in curses?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

MissLadyM · 22/12/2019 04:21

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Makinganewthinghappen · 22/12/2019 04:22

Um no? I haven’t asked for anything!!

OP posts:

Makinganewthinghappen · 22/12/2019 04:23

Although it’s a bit depressing you think my actual life is a begging thread Grin

OP posts:

MissLadyM · 22/12/2019 04:26

Would you rather we thought you were 'cursed'?


Makinganewthinghappen · 22/12/2019 04:29

The point of the thread to ask if people believed in curses - so uh yeah?

OP posts:

SubordinateThatClause · 22/12/2019 04:32

2019 has been a seriously shitty year, hasn't it? I've no advice, I'm afraid, but I'm sorry you and your family are having such a tough time. And I'm sorry for the response you've had on here. Nothing begging in your post - just venting and frustration which is very understandable given what you've been through. Wishing you all good things for 2020!


pumpandthump · 22/12/2019 04:34

I don't think you are cursed, but I do think it shows that most people are only a couple of issues away from homelessness.


Frenchw1fe · 22/12/2019 04:35

@MissLadyM you been drinking?
OP you've had a shocking year. Sometimes life just seems to be one long list of problems.
My only advice is don't let it get you down. Tell the children you're having an adventure.
This will pass, everything does.
It's how you deal with it all that makes the difference.


scoopla · 22/12/2019 04:36

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MiniGuinness · 22/12/2019 04:38

You’ve had a bad year. Me too. Maybe next year will be better for us both. I am a great believer that we control our own destinies (excepting illness/death) so there is no reason next year won’t be better for you. I don’t believe in curses.


MissLadyM · 22/12/2019 04:41

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TheFuckingDogs · 22/12/2019 04:41

It must feel like you’re cursed. Logically you’re not. The majority of things that are bad are the same issue - your ex business partner. Business collapses, moving to small house, business partner again means having to move into 2 separate places.
The other things on top are all harder because of this situation.
Hope you’re ok and everything starts to improve in the new year 😊


Shooturlocalmethdealer · 22/12/2019 04:43

As bad as it is theres always someone worse off than you.
Even though your family are separated you do still have a family
You will eventually and hopefully soon all be together again.
Try and focus on the good love.
This to shall pass will say a prayer for you and yours.


SubordinateThatClause · 22/12/2019 04:50

Geez MissLadyM - you're quite a number, aren't you? Nothing like a bit of compassion in the wee small hours. Do you get a buzz out of being vile online?


Minky35 · 22/12/2019 05:02

Not cursed just a run of very bad luck. we’ve had the same as a self employed family too, but with an arson and theft, alongside a family cancer diagnosis and found myself landed in hospital 3 days ago for an emergency op. 2019 can fuck off tbh.


cantfindname · 22/12/2019 05:03

OP I guess I am a fair bit older than you, at 66. You are not cursed, sadly we all go through these terrible times one way or the other... even the Queen had her annus horribilis

I have had a few really bad years, 2018 probably being the worst, but a few others as well. Having my lovely Dad pass away on my 50th birthday wasn't great either!

Have you tried your local council for emergency accommodation? If you explain as you have above that it will only be short-term until you find somewhere, then possibly they will be more inclined to help.

Try to count your blessings (not easy I know) you obviously have a strong relationship, you have 6 (six!!) beautiful children, you are not actually on the street and you have a business you will be able to rebuild. I don't know any more than you have told us about the former business partner, but please make sure he is well and truly locked out of any possible future access to it. MH issues or not he sounds a nasty piece of work.

Wishing you all the very best for the New Year Flowers


gingersausage · 22/12/2019 05:05

@Shooturlocalmethdealer the “someone is always worse off than you” line is so trite and unhelpful to someone who’s life is shit. People are allowed to feel sorry for themselves and their own families situation without always having to be bloody grateful they’re not dead. It’s so fucking tedious.


Makinganewthinghappen · 22/12/2019 05:09

Can’t find - we registered for the social housing bidding system . They said we could only bid on houses with 5 bedrooms (even though we are fitting in 3 now!) . But then told us they don’t have any 5 bedroom houses and we can’t apply for any smaller ones - so that wasn’t very useful!

OP posts:

Makinganewthinghappen · 22/12/2019 05:11

I’m sorry for everyone here who has had a bad 2019!Flowers

OP posts:

Bluerussian · 22/12/2019 05:17

I'm so sorry you are in this dilemma, Makinganew. I really do feel for you and think your relatives are rotten to make you feel unwelcome and go out all day. Whilst I realise they may wish you were not there, especially if overcrowded, they are family and we should all give each other a helping hand. It's not forever, they are just plain mean.

Is there any way you could (if you can afford it), find an airbnb flat or house for a few days or a week while you wait for the removal people to start work again and move your furniture? Please do consider it. At least you could have Christmas all together in relative comfort and be able to cook and eat what you like.

All the very best to you.


paranoidmum2 · 22/12/2019 05:19

Oh OP all that fucking sucks! I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all that!

It's sad that a family member can't have you, DH and kids over for Chrisrmas.

You've done amazingly well to get your business running again and to find another house. From then on, things will improve (altho with a brief no-furniture blip). You have shown alot of resilience, please don't give up now!


helpwithhouse · 22/12/2019 05:23

So sorry you’ve had such a bad time OP, that all sounds horrific.
You do sound hardworking will all get through this. So soon you’ll be in a new home.
However, I’m just sorry you’re having to go through this first!!

@MissLadyM good for you, kicking someone when they’re down! You feel pleased with yourself? Dick!


kalinkafoxtrot45 · 22/12/2019 05:23

I’m so sorry OP. It does sound like a shit situation but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope 2020 will bring only good things to your family.


paranoidmum2 · 22/12/2019 05:26

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MerryChristmasEveryone1974 · 22/12/2019 05:28

OP - you're not cursed. I can understand why you feel like that, but honestly, you're not. We had the worst year ever in 2016 - anything that could go wrong, did go wrong. I honestly thought about doing something to just make it all stop, but, you know what? Things got better. Yes, it seemed horrific at the time. At one point, I remember saying that a TV soap would have sacked any writer who wrote a script based on what we'd gone through because it was so unbelievable that so many things could happen to one family in the space of literally 6 months.
The point I'm trying to make is that it will get better, you will move into a new home, you will be happy and one day, you'll look back on this period and feel proud that you got through it, together, as a family.
Good luck and I hope things improve for you in 2020 - just think new decade, new start.

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