AIBU - to feel like we are being punished for something ?

[Makinganewthinghappen]

Trying to be a little vague so I don’t give myself away here !

18 months ago we were a happy family - parents and six kids - 2 we undergoing autism assesment and we have never been rich(!) but we had a 5 bedroom house we rented, ran our own business and we were comfortable and generally happy.

Then our landlord gave us 8 weeks to move so she could sell the house, at the same time our business collapsed due to a problem with a business partner - again not giving too much detail but he is mentally ill and unstable- this becomes relevant later. We ended up having to move to a tiny 3 bed terrace, damp and obviously cramped (5 girls in one room)one teenage boy in box room.

BUT we knew we could build our business back up again and it was temporary and we could move to a bigger house again. So worked all the hours, stick it out built up business on our own over the last year and tbh money/ business is ok now.

BUT a month or so ago we were let’s say “victims of a crime” at the hands of the ex partner which meant police involvement, children being terrified. (bearing in mind 2 are autistic and not able to cope with feeling unsafe in their home) we are now unable to stay at the house and had to pack bags and leave with no where to go.

We are now split up in two different family members homes, and especially in this one it’s clear we are not very welcome, we have to stay out all day, and keep the kids quiet and upstairs at night. but it’s that or roam the streets at this point.

DH and I have been struggling to find somewhere to live - we have money to pay for a house but finding a house of any kind especially at this time of year has been challenging. We finally found a house that would accept us 2 weeks ago.

The agency have been awful, dragging their feet, every little thing has been a struggle to get through. The latest thing was we were struggle to prove we had the right to rent (that we are not illegal immigrants!) despite both of us being British, providing birth certificates and marriage certificates etc!

Anyway we were supposed to move last week, then Saturday. Both times cancelled last minute because of issues with the referencing place. Now they say Monday.

We don’t drive so we’re relying on a removal place which we can’t get until after Xmas, we can get family member to move our beds and a few bits but that’s it until after Christmas.

Oh and in all this I forgot to add DH was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition last year which means he is in a lot of pain especially sleeping on temporary beds etc so moving furniture will be difficult .

So even if we do get keys Monday. We will be having christmas with no furniture, eating on the floor etc. Or if we don’t get keys separated into two houses and having to sit quietly upstairs .

At this point I really feel like we are cursed, we have done nothing but work hard to try and improve things, but every time we do something seems to take it away.

I really feel like saying you know what I give up. None of this is going to work our anyway.

AIBU to be seriously starting to believe in curses?

You have had some huge challenges come your way in the past 18 months. But no, I don't believe in curses. Renting in England can be a complete pain. Even when my life has been going swimmingly well I've had nothing but crap from rental agents - that's not a curse it's just a small branch of hell on earth put here to remind us we don't want to go there when we die.

It sounds like a lot of what has made this so difficult stems from this business partner and all the agro he has brought into your life - hopefully he's now fully out of it now?

When it's getting you down, have a short wallow if it helps because it does all sound awful and sometimes acknowledging that is important. But then try and focus on the fact that you are clearly resourceful and you have a remade life in your sights now with just a bit of a threadbare Christmas in the way. It will get better and you will enjoy it when it does.

I don't think you're cursed, just having a bad time at the moment. As are many other people unfortunately. It's easy to become homeless these day, what with the changes to the renting sector and austerity.

Could you maybe get an airbnb or caravan or even a couple of cheap rooms next to each other in a premier inn/travelodge for Christmas? At least you'd be together, have comfort, not have to be out all day and not have to be really quiet.

I hope things improve for you very soon

How awful. Here's hoping it's all onwards and upwards from here for you and your family. You've overcome major challenges this year.

If it's any consolation when I was quite young we moved and my memory is of being allowed to stay up late and very excitingly being allowed cereal for dinner while we all sat on the kitchen floor. I had a blast.

I'm seriously brightsiding your feelings but being in your own place together after being split in a less child friendly environment could be a the end of your curse. Wishing you a merry Christmas!

Many moons ago our family had a horrendous stressful 7 months not of our doing. Like you, on verge of being homeless. Things became better but there were unexpected problems for quite some time. You have my complete sympathy.

Looking back I remember those days as tough times but realize those tough times made us stronger and left us with a much greater sense of pride in what we eventually achieved and also a greater empathy.

Make the most of your Christmas as best you can and onwards and upwards in 2020.

Yes you've gone through a lot but you still have a lot more than many.

Believing in curses, as if the universe cares about you personally, is kind of self centred though.

Same as everyone else, sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. That's life.

The council HAVE to house you, if you turn up at their office and tell them you've nowhere to go they need to put you in temporary accommodation until something suitable becomes available. Not ideal but better than the current living conditions you describe and at the end of it you'll have an affordable permanent home. This estate agent sounds like they will be a nightmare long term if you need anything done etc. I don't tho k you're cursed but I'm sure it feels like it at the moment. Getting away from the cause (business partner) is what needs done to stop the cycle

Definitely an annus horribilis. You're due a fabulous 2020 OP

happycamper11 yes, the council have to house them, but they don't have to house them together. They could send dad and teenage son to a men's hostel and mum and girls to a woman's hospital, or even worse, place the youngest kids in temporary foster care.

If there are such things as curses then my family has also had one this year. Four funerals of friends and family, including my FIL, my DH has had cancer, we were scammed out of £1200 by a dodgy internet furniture company, my Widowed DM is immobile and awaiting an op any day and I'm having to look after her then to cap it all I fell down the stairs yesterday and I'm hobbling around. Really hoping 2020 is better for us and hope it's a better year for you too OP.

I don't believe in curses but often think obstacles are detours in the right direction for our life.
We all hit bad times in our life, they are usually temporary however and eventutally we end up on the right path.

Can you post a request on Facebook marketplace for a person and van type set up to move your stuff sooner. I think you will start to look forward once you are all in the same place again.

Did you RTFT miss M? They don't have a roof over their heads because they are 'sofa surfing' between two houses, one of which is unstable as they arent particularly welcome. No they aren't on the streets but they're about a close as they can get without sleeping under a bridge with 5 kids. People who have lost their homes and businesses are allowed to feel down.

I'm sorry you've had such a shitty year OP but you are clearly hard workers and have what it takes to build yourselves back up.

Yup. OP it could be worse. Imagining a curse is just negative.

I like pinkandwhitemarshmallows idea about an AirBnB or Travel Lodge for Christmas. You could make it an adventure for the younger ones, have a Christmassy picnic on your bed and watch Christmas rubbish on the TV.

You have my sympathy OP. Been there myself. Home repossessed business collapsed. Me, DH and 5 kids in a B & B. I just couldn’t see how it would get better.

It did though, my first few rentals fell through before we got to key stage and I was gutted but then I found the home I live in now 10 years later with amazing landlords and reasonable rent. We built our business up again. We stayed smaller as my DH had a huge heart attack after all the stress. We’re lucky he’s alive. But it gave me perspective I suppose.

It will get better, I know. Xxxx

Oh b*gger off Monty. Shit happens to people and they need a safe space to vent. That's exactly what the OP is doing. She just needs to moan without nasty people like you rolling their eyes. Have a bit of compassion. I'd be gutted at the prospect of having to spend Christmas in 2 separate houses from my partner or kids.

Op have you got access to the property? If so I'd get yourself in asap even if it is only with the basics. Kids are very adaptable and it can be a little adventure! À Christmas unlike any other.

LadyM

Stop being cruel.

I understand exactly what you mean about feeling cursed. I've had one thing after another for past 4 years. It's draining. I also have a child with autism.

Everything feels worse at Christmas too.

I'd turn it into an adventure if you get into your new home. Blankets on floor, make a huge den. Watch films, eat crappy Xmas food and chocolates and enjoy each other's company. Good luck for 2020.

Losing your home and your business is pretty tough, but it looks like things are improving for your family. You say that the business has recovered and you now have money for a house, which is a fantastic turnaround.

Whether you have a Christmas feeling unwanted with your relatives, or in your new home without furniture, it will be the last such Christmas so you have a lot to feel grateful and positive about.

And, whilst curses are obviously absolute nonsense, if they did exist, yours would be a pretty poor one because you have a lovely dp, happy and healthy dc, a recovering business, money for a house and relatives happy to put you up and help you move even if they do prefer your dc to be seen but not heard.

Why can’t you bid for 4 bedroomed property?

Gosh, there are some awful and unhelpful people on here! Sorry to hear about all your problems OP, and I really hope 2020 is a much better year and everything works out for the best.

Deepest sympathies to those who have had a bad year, we’re in the club and just when I thought it might be over there’s another funeral to go to. I don’t believe in curses but understand why you have started to think like this. We’ve had a few other bad years this decade and the thought has flashed over my own mind but I know it’s not true.

I agree with posting on FB marketplace and also your local community page. Bet there are a few people within a van who would be more than happy to earn a bit extra before Christmas . You only need the basics and it will be exciting for the DC.

OP ignore the vile comments. You have my sympathy.

I too will be glad to see the back of 2019.

At the beginning of the year, I lost my job.
In the summer my DH had complicated heart surgery (still on sick leave now)
In November, I had a hysterectomy (still recovering from that now)
Two weeks ago my DS took his life by stepping out in front of a train.

Sorry if it sounds like competitive shitness but I just wanted to offer sympathy and say it's been the shittiest time for us as well. You're not alone.

Miss LadyM are you a small bit bitter per chance? - I don't recall the op requesting money perhaps you could direct us all to it in her post? - or would you prefer not to seeing as that would show you up for being the nasty person you are? - do enlighten us - are you or are you not as twattish as you appear! [Smile]