AIBU - to feel like we are being punished for something ?

[Makinganewthinghappen]

Trying to be a little vague so I don’t give myself away here !

18 months ago we were a happy family - parents and six kids - 2 we undergoing autism assesment and we have never been rich(!) but we had a 5 bedroom house we rented, ran our own business and we were comfortable and generally happy.

Then our landlord gave us 8 weeks to move so she could sell the house, at the same time our business collapsed due to a problem with a business partner - again not giving too much detail but he is mentally ill and unstable- this becomes relevant later. We ended up having to move to a tiny 3 bed terrace, damp and obviously cramped (5 girls in one room)one teenage boy in box room.

BUT we knew we could build our business back up again and it was temporary and we could move to a bigger house again. So worked all the hours, stick it out built up business on our own over the last year and tbh money/ business is ok now.

BUT a month or so ago we were let’s say “victims of a crime” at the hands of the ex partner which meant police involvement, children being terrified. (bearing in mind 2 are autistic and not able to cope with feeling unsafe in their home) we are now unable to stay at the house and had to pack bags and leave with no where to go.

We are now split up in two different family members homes, and especially in this one it’s clear we are not very welcome, we have to stay out all day, and keep the kids quiet and upstairs at night. but it’s that or roam the streets at this point.

DH and I have been struggling to find somewhere to live - we have money to pay for a house but finding a house of any kind especially at this time of year has been challenging. We finally found a house that would accept us 2 weeks ago.

The agency have been awful, dragging their feet, every little thing has been a struggle to get through. The latest thing was we were struggle to prove we had the right to rent (that we are not illegal immigrants!) despite both of us being British, providing birth certificates and marriage certificates etc!

Anyway we were supposed to move last week, then Saturday. Both times cancelled last minute because of issues with the referencing place. Now they say Monday.

We don’t drive so we’re relying on a removal place which we can’t get until after Xmas, we can get family member to move our beds and a few bits but that’s it until after Christmas.

Oh and in all this I forgot to add DH was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition last year which means he is in a lot of pain especially sleeping on temporary beds etc so moving furniture will be difficult .

So even if we do get keys Monday. We will be having christmas with no furniture, eating on the floor etc. Or if we don’t get keys separated into two houses and having to sit quietly upstairs .

At this point I really feel like we are cursed, we have done nothing but work hard to try and improve things, but every time we do something seems to take it away.

I really feel like saying you know what I give up. None of this is going to work our anyway.

AIBU to be seriously starting to believe in curses?

@MissLadyM wow what a bully! Hope you’re sleeping off whatever you were drinking last night (assuming you were pissed when you left those comments and not actually that nasty and angry).

Crazylaydee, I am so very very sorry

Sorry you've had such a tough year, ours has been awful as well. It does start to feel like a curse or that you've wronged someone in a past life if you believe in that. Here's hoping that 2020 is better for all of us!

Your current situation is not your destination, this is only temporary and will improve. Make it happpen

So sorry to hear about your tough year. It's so frightening when you fall through the cracks in the world, isn't it? It gives you a strange disconnected feeling from other people, who don't seem to know how quickly and easily everything can fall apart.

It's hard. Nothing else to say. I'm sorry. I hope things get better.

I'm really sorry you are going through this . On the short term, can you not rent an Airbnb for a couple of weeks over Christmas, just untill your new house is ready ?

The majority of things that are bad are the same issue - your ex business partner.

This. Without that person in your life you would have had a pretty good year. It's just bad luck getting involved with someone who has caused you these problems.

I also think the airbnb / hotel for Christmas idea is fab

OP could you try and book a room in a hotel for xmas and a cheap brewers fayre for lunch?
It won't be great but better than the other scenarios in your post and a bit of an adventure for the kids.

You’re not cursed you’ve just had a run of bad luck that all came at the wrong time.

2019 was a shit year for us because we had 3 family members die (a parent each and DH’s brother). We also lost 3 much loved pets.

However I look back on it as a good year in other ways because of achievements and opportunities that came our way.

It might help starting a gratitude diary - I did that when I was really down. Also try concentrating on being positive and attracting luck. I don’t go for new age mumbo jumbo but changing my outlook really helped me.

Agree with kitty

I’ve made some bad choices myself but your family is three times bigger than average.

I also think you and your husband should have been downstairs and the girls split three to one room and two to another. That screams of selfish entitlement. You and DH in one room, your DS in another and FIVE girls in another? Bloody hell, poor girls.

You are not cursed OP. But you are facing a number of challenges at the moment and it feels shit. I get it. I'm in the same place at the moment. What gets me through is knowing that it will pass and that I will have happy times again. You will too.

It sounds like a really really tough year. But you and your family seem to be really strong. And because of that you will hopefully pick yourselves up and start again, and hopefully this time will be the last time

That's not very pleasant Kitty, either. Making poor choices? Well, you chose to post that drivel. Look to your own choices.

They had a stable home - the LL chose to sell it. They have been a victim of crime with the business partner and prior to that, seem to have had more than adequate funds to sustain their children.

I really hope 2020 sees a turn around in your fortunes, OP. All the best to you.

Oh Crazylady I'm so sorry about your DS.

Sorry you've had a shit year,OP.

But another vote for: 'why on earth did you have SIX children if you couldn't afford to buy a house?!"

Those children need feeding and clothing, they will drain the earths resources. I don't understand how you could have got to four or five children and thought: yeah, we are renting and both work in our business which is unstable, but fuck it, let's have a sixth.

Having had a year of bizarre things happening. None were in my favour and some of the stuff was so off the wall I can understand why you can think you are cursed.

I thought I was cursed till the same things started happening again the following year.
In exactly the same order
Then I knew that this wasn’t just bad luck

One night after another thing had repeated itself I got enraged and started shouting at the ceiling that whoever had cursed me I was going to come after them and make their lives a misery.

Then when I had finished my rant the telephone rang

I picked it up but there was no one there.

I did 1471 and it referred to a call earlier in the day

All bizarre things stopped from that day.

So yes I do believe in curses

I also believe in the power of prayer and asking the universe for things.

Dear goodness - we are full of the joy on here today. I thought Christmas was a time of forgiveness and good will to all.

Making - it has been a shit year, but sometimes these things happen through no fault of your own or curses or anything else other than sheer bad luck.

Kitty I am failing to work out how family size corelates to the landlords decision to sell the home, government shaping of the Housing & Benefits Act pandering to the right of the Conservative party & their little Engerlader voting demographic, her husband's autoimmune disease or lack of available housing of a suitable size.

crazyladee I am so sorry to hear that.

Crazyladee so, so sorry for the loss of your DS. Sending you love and peace xxxxx

Where do you live? As in which county?

How about going to a hotel for a few days?

Don’t offer to physically help, ho

gingersausage I also hate that stupid expression about “someone always being worse off than you”. As you say, it is so tedious and not helpful at all, people’s suffering cannot be measured and recorded as if on a league table of suffering.
The pp who suggested that OP turns up at council offices and the council will HAVE to house them is being ridiculous, if there are no houses available, especially large ones, then there are no houses available.
OP, I don’t believe that you are being cursed but you are having a run of very bad luck, I hope that things improve dramatically for you and your family in the next 2 days.

Some people seem to be making a big deal out of renting. Many people do rent with a family and even with owning your own home and a mortgage, you can lose it in a short time if you can't pay the mortgage.

And no businesses are conpletely "stable". I've seen a couple of companies go down in the last two weeks, employing 150+ people, which had been running successfully for 80+ years. And far larger and mightier than that have fallen.

Posters criticising the OP's "choices" should get their heads out of their arses and the Daily Mail. Learn to understand the meaning of the phrase "There but for the grace of God go I." None of us are more than a few months from disaster.

No issue with renting. It’s the size of the family!