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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Surprise gone wrong AIBU

126 replies

ShouldIBeMad · 21/12/2019 10:11

I will try and keep this as brief as possible...

My OH has been saying that he has a surprise for me for the better part of a week now. He said that he has been planning it for the better part of a month. We have a 14 month old DD.

Thursday night I came down with a vomiting bug, literally being sick all through the night. Friday morning still being violently ill, OH tells me that the surprise was that he is going to move us into our new home early. We were meant to pick up the keys on Friday but not move until after Christmas.

OH would have been doing most of the packing as I am working over Christmas and he is off work. He was also going to go and measure up for curtains so we could prepare.

He said his Mum and Sister were coming to help pack it all up, DD was at nursery. I stayed in bed as was still sick and let him get on with it.

Anyway, we get to the new house last night, nothing is unpacked, there are no curtains up anywhere. I couldn’t give a shit at this point, I’m still really ill. I have a bath and go to bed. Our bed isn’t put together so me, DD and OH sleep on a mattress on the floor.

I wake up this morning and things really hit home, we have no curtains in any rooms. The street outside has full view in to our bedroom and living room. OH, his Mum and sister has just thrown any old crap into boxes. So I’ve got a random saucepan lid in with some flour/sugar cupboard bits. He even just unplugged the fridge freezer with everything in it still and brought it over so it all needs cleaning out.

Also still a lot of things still at our old house...

I’m fucking gutted, I feel so weak today. OH says we can go get this stuff from Ikea but I shouldn’t even be out in public as still not 48 hours since last being sick, so I can’t.

When he said he was moving us as a surprise, I thought everything would be done. He seems so angry that I am not eternally grateful for this and is telling me that I am not normal because I am upset.

I don’t want to be unpacking while I am not well but DD keeps trying to get in all the boxes.

AIBU to think if he has been planning this for a month, things should have been done better?

OP posts:
StanleyWalkersThirdWife · 21/12/2019 10:15

Wow OP I'd be so upset! What a half arsed job hes done.

Is he expecting to be celebrating christmas day with the house in that state or is he planning on fixing it up ready?

He'd have been better moving everything in to the new house over these few days and then having you all move in on christmas eve or something!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/12/2019 10:18

Yeh this would royally piss me off- good intentions but ultimately adding a load more work to your plate when things are done half arsed. What were his family thinking

OlaEliza · 21/12/2019 10:19

Yanbu. If this was supposed to be a surprise, you should have been walking into a home from home, as it were. But we t sounds like it's just a shit ton of extra work and inconvenience for you.

It probably came from a good place but I probably wouldn't be happy with this.

Chamomileteaplease · 21/12/2019 10:20

Have you asked him what it is you are supposed to be grateful for?

Dumping you into a house that isn't at all ready is awful enough. But when you are ill??

Can he get some friends round to help him blitz it all and have someone look after your child for a bit?

Maybe by Monday, things will look better?

My sympathy to you.

CherryPavlova · 21/12/2019 10:20

We’ll it’s done and his intentions were good. It won’t take long to get it sorted. You do a list and set him off to complete it. Get any help you can.

Freddiefox · 21/12/2019 10:20

Can you stay on your old house until after christmas? I’d be really cross tbh, it’s a surprise alright but not a nice one.

Sprinklemetinsel · 21/12/2019 10:21

Just stay in bed and let him sort it all.

katewhinesalot · 21/12/2019 10:23

I'd be annoyed too.

GameSetMatch · 21/12/2019 10:32

Oh goodness yes I’d be very upset, it’s not a good surprise at all. Who thinks moving to a new house days before Christmas is a good idea?can you book a restaurant for Christmas lunch? Good luck if your braving Ikea on a Saturday afternoon.

CaptSkippy · 21/12/2019 10:54

It won’t take long to get it sorted.

I just moved last year. It took me a week to unpack with time off from work and I had everything well organised.

This is going to take far longer, especially since the boxes are not properly sorted and there is probably a lot of damage to goods if he moved furniture with the contents in them.
They still have to buy Ikea furniture and put it together, which will also take quite a bit of time.

I am so sorry, OP.

He, seriously, is an idiot.

HelloYouTwo · 21/12/2019 10:56

What people voted YABU?? He is a dickhead OP. Read him the riot act. You stay at home and get anything done that you are able. Send him to IKEA. Get your MIL to take your DD for the day or overnight if that’s an option.

HelloYouTwo · 21/12/2019 10:58

Also people suggesting you just stay in bed?? On a mattress on the floor with no curtains and in view to the street? Mmm that sounds so relaxing and helpful for someone who’s ill. I wish people would read the OP.

Make building your bed the priority.

countdowntochristmas · 21/12/2019 11:03

Well it's a surprise all right but a shit one .
In his defence though he probably thought he was doing a nice thing and thought you were desperate to get in the house.
No advice but just to make the best of it . Make him sort it out and you rest, hopefully you will feel better tomorrow .

EugenesAxe · 21/12/2019 11:10

Is fuckwit an offensive term these days (beyond its basic offensiveness)? It’s what I’m thinking anyway.

Have you asked him what it is you are supposed to be grateful for?

Agree with this. You understand the sentiment but honestly, it’s four days to Christmas, unless you are elsewhere or eating out there’s a ton of prep associated with that, let alone sorting an entire house out on top. He needs to understand that a ‘surprise’, to be a pleasant one, should not generate loads more work for you than it otherwise would have.

bridgetreilly · 21/12/2019 11:12

I think his mistake was going ahead with it when you were so unwell. It sounds like in different circumstances it could have been a really nice surprise, but you're just not in a state to cope. Go back to bed and let him deal with it all.

Sparklybaublefest · 21/12/2019 11:13

it has been organised but you became sick, i dont suppose it have been rearranged.
get him to prioritise : curtains up

BlackCatSleeping · 21/12/2019 11:15

I would be so furious if my husband changed our moving date at the last minute without discussing it with me. He’s a dick! What on earth was he thinking?

I gave nothing good to suggest but I wanted to send you some hugs and hope you feel better soon. Flowers

TrickyKid · 21/12/2019 11:19

That's really not a good surprise and something you need to be prepared for. How did you not know the exchange date and all details though?

Skittlesandbeer · 21/12/2019 11:21

Tell him squarely that the best he can hope for is that one day- far into the future- you’ll all sit around and laugh at the story of when daddy got the Christmas surprise sooooo very wrong! Daddy got the keys to the new house, but plum forgot to tell Santa’s fucking elves to drop what they were doing and come around to make the move actually happen.

And mummy didn’t even get to chuck continuously into a familiar loo with actual toilet paper on the roll, while she dealt with horrible tummy bugs.

At least I hope you’ll be able to laugh about it one day...

Knittedfairies · 21/12/2019 11:25

IKEA? Just before Christmas....
I'm sorry OP; even if you were on top form a surprise move was not a good idea. I hope you feel better soon💐

AutumnRose1 · 21/12/2019 11:29

That was a horrendous shock rather than a surprise, even without the illness. I hope you feel better ASAP.

Fr0g · 21/12/2019 11:31

Probably with the best of intentions - although I appreciate unreasonable of him not to discuss in advance.

When I bought my current home,was so excited to move in ASAP; I still owned the old flat, so wasn;t subject to the usual move on exchange day rush.

This flat had been rented out by previous owners, was dirty, I couldn't find heating/hot water, masses of boxes everywhere. It would have made so much sense to have delayed for a week or so - and I didn't even have the impetus of being in new home for christmas, or anyone else to blame!

Sparklybaublefest · 21/12/2019 11:34

I moved on this date 15 years ago. But it was planned, never forgot this date! no bed, no sofa,
but curtains a priority!

cancer1989 · 21/12/2019 11:37

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JustDanceAddict · 21/12/2019 11:39

I can imagine my dh doing something like this. I’d hate it and you’re def notBU.