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AIBU?

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Original poster

Surprise gone wrong AIBU

126 replies

ShouldIBeMad · 21/12/2019 10:11

I will try and keep this as brief as possible...

My OH has been saying that he has a surprise for me for the better part of a week now. He said that he has been planning it for the better part of a month. We have a 14 month old DD.

Thursday night I came down with a vomiting bug, literally being sick all through the night. Friday morning still being violently ill, OH tells me that the surprise was that he is going to move us into our new home early. We were meant to pick up the keys on Friday but not move until after Christmas.

OH would have been doing most of the packing as I am working over Christmas and he is off work. He was also going to go and measure up for curtains so we could prepare.

He said his Mum and Sister were coming to help pack it all up, DD was at nursery. I stayed in bed as was still sick and let him get on with it.

Anyway, we get to the new house last night, nothing is unpacked, there are no curtains up anywhere. I couldn’t give a shit at this point, I’m still really ill. I have a bath and go to bed. Our bed isn’t put together so me, DD and OH sleep on a mattress on the floor.

I wake up this morning and things really hit home, we have no curtains in any rooms. The street outside has full view in to our bedroom and living room. OH, his Mum and sister has just thrown any old crap into boxes. So I’ve got a random saucepan lid in with some flour/sugar cupboard bits. He even just unplugged the fridge freezer with everything in it still and brought it over so it all needs cleaning out.

Also still a lot of things still at our old house...

I’m fucking gutted, I feel so weak today. OH says we can go get this stuff from Ikea but I shouldn’t even be out in public as still not 48 hours since last being sick, so I can’t.

When he said he was moving us as a surprise, I thought everything would be done. He seems so angry that I am not eternally grateful for this and is telling me that I am not normal because I am upset.

I don’t want to be unpacking while I am not well but DD keeps trying to get in all the boxes.

AIBU to think if he has been planning this for a month, things should have been done better?

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 21/12/2019 11:39

Fuck, he's obviously never moved before. Very naive, how does he think anything like curtains etc will be sorted so close to Christmas?

I would have put a stop to it though, the minute he announced this hair brained scheme. 😔

LonginesPrime · 21/12/2019 11:40

Moving house unexpectedly sounds like the worst surprise ever.

Who would want that sprung on them?

Especially in the lead up to Christmas when there's enough to do anyway.

I can't believe anyone would think this was a good idea, and the fact he unplugged the fridge and moved it with all the food still in it just sums it up really. What an idiot.

Lockshunkugel · 21/12/2019 11:43

Who the hell moves a fridge freezer with everything still in it?! That’s apart from the rest of the chaos your DH created by doing such a bad job of moving. I hope that none of the rest of your belongings have been damaged.

Don’t go to ikea today as you need to recover from being so ill. If your MIL and SIL are around today, can you ask them to help by getting some food in for today while your DH cleans the freezer out? Hopefully by tomorrow you will be well enough to do a bit more unpacking.

Oceanbliss · 21/12/2019 11:47

Wow, you poor thing. With everything you've described how could he think it's a nice surprise? No curtains up, bed not assembled, everything in boxes! Right before Christmas! Wow, I'd be raging mad. He should apologize and plan a real nice surprise to make up for the bad one. Crown Shock

CareOfPunts · 21/12/2019 11:52

YANBU, he’s a dickhead

Hope you feel better soon x

CareOfPunts · 21/12/2019 11:53

You should thank you oh for trying to surprise you with such a huge task that unfortunately didn’t go to his plan and thank your sil and mil for helping out instead of being an ungrateful brat. He told you the surprise so YOU should of said no to it. Unfortunately this is on you. Your partner doesn’t seem to be horrible to you or beat you up so this is just you being spoilt. And let’s be honest men are not the best at organising a home that’s a woman’s job

Hey the 1950s called, they want their attitude back

Xmas Biscuit
pictish · 21/12/2019 11:58

Well intentioned I assume - but entirely lacking in common sense and planning and yes, it’s rather a disaster. What a mess.

I wouldn’t be grateful either. Ikea...really?

Don’t let him make this into your problem...telling you you’re at fault. He did a poor job and that’s all there is to it. He needs to own that and apologise.

AfterSchoolWorry · 21/12/2019 11:58

CareOfPunts

Lol, I know, I was thinking 'surrendered wife' 🙄

FizzyGreenWater · 21/12/2019 12:00

I would have gone absolutely NUTS and gone straight back home!!!!!

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 21/12/2019 12:00

Unfortunately this is on you. Your partner doesn’t seem to be horrible to you or beat you up so this is just you being spoilt. And let’s be honest men are not the best at organising a home that’s a woman’s job

Good grief, absolutely fuck off with that attitude. Jesus Christ.

HopeItComesWithBatteries · 21/12/2019 12:01

This is awful OP, I sympathise.

If you have curtain poles up, chuck a sweetie a oength of fabric over them as a temporary measure to give you some privacy/ make it feel a but cosier. Prioritise lounge and kitchen to sort out first. Make him bust a gut to make this right and order in takeaway.

💐

HopeItComesWithBatteries · 21/12/2019 12:02

*Sheet or a length of fabric

Witsendagain · 21/12/2019 12:02

@Cancer1989 I didn't realise you needed to organise house using a vagina! Obviously where I've been going wrong all these years!
Or that possessing a dick means that even when monumentally fucking up all around me should fall at my feet and be inherently grateful!
Ffs even the most obtuse of people should be able to use their brain!

Embracelife · 21/12/2019 12:03

"men are not the best at organising a home that’s a woman’s job"

Say what??
Nothing to do with gender
He s just daft.
I bet he organises work projects just fine.

Needtochangemymindset · 21/12/2019 12:07

You might have Norovirus, I recently had it and I felt awful, sickness/diarroheah for a day then weak, dizzy and slept for hours for the next 3 or 4 days. I didn't feel right for at least a week.

Your husbands surprise is a rubbish one OP.

He may have good intentions but its been badly executed. If he had booked a professional company to come in and pack up your home and then unpack it all in the new house that would've been amazing. They would've moved the furniture and unpacked items in to the correct rooms even unpacked your clothes in to the wardrobes.

I REALLY feel for you! Last year I exchanged keys the day before I went in hospital to have a c-section. I spent that night staying at my in laws and it was awful, I just wanted to be at home. I came out of hospital and moved in to my new house 5 days after my c-section and walked in to unpacked boxes in every room, no cooker, washing machine or even a kettle in the kitchen, It was awful.

Let your DH get on with the unpacking and once you feel up to it you can always move things around to where you want them to be. Hope you feel better soon.

Lockshunkugel · 21/12/2019 12:07

@cancer1989 are your the op’s husband or mil who has messed up your ‘surprise’ so spectacularly?

Bluntness100 · 21/12/2019 12:10

And let’s be honest men are not the best at organising a home that’s a woman’s job

Blimey, did I wake up and it's the 1950s again?

Brittany2019 · 21/12/2019 12:10

Expecting anything more from men than not actively abusing you is being spoilt. You should fall on your knees with gratitude, OP. Confused Hmm

Put a sheet or towels or something on the curtain rail in the bedroom and go back to bed. Let him sort out this mess.

Original poster
ShouldIBeMad · 21/12/2019 12:11

Thank you for all the replies.

He has gone off to get some curtains and some more stuff from our old house. I obviously appreciate that there was good intentions behind this but bloody hell.

Cancer1989 What low expectations you have that women should just be grateful that their partner doesn’t beat them. Hmm I hope you don’t have young daughters if you are going to push that agenda onto them.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 21/12/2019 12:11

What a stupid, half-arsed thing to do. And so silly to carry on with 'the (half-arsed) plan' when you were ill, instead of putting people first and re-considering.

Anyway, stay out of it, find somewhere comfortable to recuperate and let him sort it out.

ChristmasVag · 21/12/2019 12:15

It's absolutely appalling that he went ahead with you so unwell..

What a fool.

Longdistance · 21/12/2019 12:16

Yanbu.

But, I did chuckle when he moved the fridge with its entire contents.

I hope you feel better soon and get curtains up without having to go to the gel that is known as Ikea Flowers

CaptSkippy · 21/12/2019 12:16

Hey the 1950s called, they want their attitude back

This made me chuckle, but you are so right.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 21/12/2019 12:16

” men are not the best at organising a home that’s a woman’s job”

Do they trip over their dicks or something? I’ve visions of the man’s dick accidentally knocking over the ornaments, while he dusts or flipping into the sink as he tries desperately to wash the dishes. Poor men and their uncooperative penises. Sad However do single men cope living alone? They must have to hire a woman to come look after them.

Dangerfloof · 21/12/2019 12:18

And let’s be honest men are not the best at organising a home that’s a woman’s job and it’s personal
You gotta be kidding me.
Just how did you get to thinking this baloney