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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Surprise gone wrong AIBU

126 replies

ShouldIBeMad · 21/12/2019 10:11

I will try and keep this as brief as possible...

My OH has been saying that he has a surprise for me for the better part of a week now. He said that he has been planning it for the better part of a month. We have a 14 month old DD.

Thursday night I came down with a vomiting bug, literally being sick all through the night. Friday morning still being violently ill, OH tells me that the surprise was that he is going to move us into our new home early. We were meant to pick up the keys on Friday but not move until after Christmas.

OH would have been doing most of the packing as I am working over Christmas and he is off work. He was also going to go and measure up for curtains so we could prepare.

He said his Mum and Sister were coming to help pack it all up, DD was at nursery. I stayed in bed as was still sick and let him get on with it.

Anyway, we get to the new house last night, nothing is unpacked, there are no curtains up anywhere. I couldn’t give a shit at this point, I’m still really ill. I have a bath and go to bed. Our bed isn’t put together so me, DD and OH sleep on a mattress on the floor.

I wake up this morning and things really hit home, we have no curtains in any rooms. The street outside has full view in to our bedroom and living room. OH, his Mum and sister has just thrown any old crap into boxes. So I’ve got a random saucepan lid in with some flour/sugar cupboard bits. He even just unplugged the fridge freezer with everything in it still and brought it over so it all needs cleaning out.

Also still a lot of things still at our old house...

I’m fucking gutted, I feel so weak today. OH says we can go get this stuff from Ikea but I shouldn’t even be out in public as still not 48 hours since last being sick, so I can’t.

When he said he was moving us as a surprise, I thought everything would be done. He seems so angry that I am not eternally grateful for this and is telling me that I am not normal because I am upset.

I don’t want to be unpacking while I am not well but DD keeps trying to get in all the boxes.

AIBU to think if he has been planning this for a month, things should have been done better?

OP posts:
BlackCatSleeping · 21/12/2019 12:22

I’m pretty sure there are a lot of male interior designers out there.

TriangularRatbag · 21/12/2019 12:35

This surprise is so odd I can't help wondering if there was something else behind it. Had your landlord given you marching orders and you'd not been told? Had your other half's mate offered him a free lend of a van to do it on the cheap on that day only? Were the lads with baseball bats coming round due to a drug deal gone wrong and he needed to rapidly find a new address? I cannot imagine why anyone would move house on the weekend before Christmas unless they absolutely had to!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/12/2019 12:37

YAsoNBU.
What a shit fest (Literally)

Your DH has been very thoughtless about this, as have your MIL and SIL. Half-arsed job indeed! (and fuck "being grateful" to them - why the fuck should anyone be grateful to a bunch of thoughtless twats who didn't actually do what they said they would, and left the unwell OP with a bunch of crap to do that she didn't actually need to, and could have waited until she was well again? Again, FUCK THAT.)

AS for all the "this is on you, men can't do it, poor diddumses" - fuck that attitude too. Sounds like my handmaiden-stylee MIL.

I'm so sorry that you've been put in this situation but in all honesty I would just let it all go - let your partner deal with the whole mess he's created and just stay on your mattress until you're better, because I don't see why YOU should have to get off your sick bed to pick up HIS mistake.

Hope you're better in time for Christmas.

rookiemere · 21/12/2019 12:41

No wonder your MIL and SIL did a half-arsed job after being used to pack a house up the week before christmas when they're doubtless already busy enough.

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 21/12/2019 12:58

Jeez, that sounds awful. I'd hate having a whole house to unpack with 4 days to go until Christmas with all the last minute stuff that needs doing on top of a sickness bug?! So stressful!

Wishihadanalgorithm · 21/12/2019 13:02

He is a fucking idiot. OP, do you want to stay with him? I’d have no respect for any man who thought this was a lovely surprise. Even without the illness you don’t move someone without telling them. He just doesn’t seem to have any intelligence.

TheHootiestChristmasOwl · 21/12/2019 13:07

What an interesting first post @cancer1989. 🙄

Decidewhattobeandgobeit · 21/12/2019 13:11

He unplugged the fridge with everything still in it?? Come on! How does he function in daily life? No one is that moronic surely?

TriangularRatbag · 21/12/2019 13:13

He unplugged the fridge with everything still in it?? Come on! How does he function in daily life? No one is that moronic surely?

I can see how this could work if done carefully!

labazsisgoingmad · 21/12/2019 13:20

moving at the best of times is a nightmare and if you dont feel well even worse i know ive done it. i suggest you tell your other half you want things done in a certain order firstly curtains most important then the bed assembled if they brought a box to you could you sort a bit? ask them to find the kitchen stuff they wont get it the way you would do it but its a start.
i think the intention was good and would have been a nice suprise if you could have had more input at least he tried

Oceanbliss · 21/12/2019 13:20

And let’s be honest men are not the best at organising a home that’s a woman’s job

Really Crown Hmm Is that why professional moving companies that offer services like pre-packing, and unpacking only hire women? Because men aren't capable of packing or unpacking. That's why men never work for moving companies because they know it's women's work. Pfff.

Topseyt · 21/12/2019 13:23

I'd call that more of a nasty shock than a nice surprise. It may have come from good intentions but it was ill thought out and it was never going to work. I would be furious too.

If he wanted/needed to move that quickly then he should have looked into getting a professional removal firm to do it properly.

lottiegarbanzo · 21/12/2019 13:24

Well yeah, the whole of the army's logistics corps is female, obvs. How could it not be? I thought everyone knew that! Wink

FruitcakeOfHate · 21/12/2019 13:25

No way he'd turn this back on me and make it my fault! Or that I'd be grateful. He did a poor job. It's a shit surprise.

BlouseAndSkirt · 21/12/2019 13:30
Shock

he is BONKERS.

And his sister and Mum should have had more common sense and talked him out of this.

Moving house is officially one of the most stressful experiences.

Ah well, stay in bed, let him run himself ragged sorting it all out.

hapagirl · 21/12/2019 13:31

Okay, he’s been an idiot this time but is he normally a good partner? My DH years ago decided to surprise me with a new kitchen he DIYed installed while I was on a week long business trip to California. Only he’s not very skilled at DIY. I came home exhausted and jet lagged to a shell of a kitchen. The point is, I was pissed off but since he’s normally a good husband I forgave him. But he has to be on crack if he thinks ikea the weekend before Christmas is a good idea!

AlexaAmbidextra · 21/12/2019 13:31

It won’t take long to get it sorted.

Really? Last time I moved house, I had all the furniture I needed and although that was all in place by the end of moving day it took me a week to hang blinds and curtains, unpack boxes etc. He is an absolute fool OP and I too would be far from impressed. If you can afford it I’d move you and DC into a hotel for Christmas and leave the idiot to set up the house in time for new year.

BreatheAndFocus · 21/12/2019 13:32

Eh? How could he have thought this would be a lovely surprise??? Moving house is a bloody nightmare at the best of times, and nobody in their right mind would choose to do it just before Xmas!

I’m not sure if he was being dim or was genuinely trying to do something he mistakenly thought was nice. It sounds like he didn’t have the faintest idea about the work involved in moving, or the practicalities (wtf was he doing with the fridge?)

And once you were ill, the whole plan should have been shelved anyway.

(And why didn’t his family point out what a stupid ‘surprise’ it would be in the first place?)

AnneElliott · 21/12/2019 13:34

Can you go and stay at the old place?

longtimelurkerhelen · 21/12/2019 13:34

Is he on drugs or just moronic? Why on earth would he think this would be a nice surprise? As pp said more of a nasty shock!

A nice surprise would be going into the new house with everything unpacked and put away and a glass of bubbly waiting. Exactly which part is nice.

Hope you feel better soon.

XXcstatic · 21/12/2019 13:38

YA most definitely not being U

Get him to make temporary curtains by cutting up cardboard boxes. Rest them on window sills if possible, stick up if not. Take down during the day, obviously. Not beautiful but will give you privacy & insulation.

TheNoodlesIncident · 21/12/2019 13:38

What exactly was he planning for the better part of a month?!

He should have aborted his plan when OP became unwell. It's bad enough being ill without having to move to a new place with all the inconvenience of having everything in boxes to boot. Your OH is a muppet for not changing his plan*. You are definitely NBU.

*Unless there is a reason you HAVE to move before Christmas, in which case he Is being unreasonable for not letting you know.

Thismummyruns · 21/12/2019 13:39

He should've pulled out all the stops for this to be successful. What was he thinking!?

When we moved into our current home, first priority was getting all of the blinds up. This took nearly a day (quite a pain in the end with various lintel issues). We then moved in officially on day 2 once DD's room was all set up.
We would've slept on the sofa as long as she was sorted nothing else mattered.

Hope you feel better and you find all your stuff in what I can imagine are tons of boxes! One day you might look back and laugh 🤞🏼

christmasstress · 21/12/2019 13:40

Oh god that would annoy me!

Deckthehallswithlotsofcake · 21/12/2019 13:40

@cancer1989 Are you ok, hun? Your post was abusive.

Just FYI it is NOT a help to pack random things in boxes and not mark them. That is sabotage! Bloody idiots. It would have taken less time if OP had packed them herself. The DH needs to get SIL and MIL back in and help unpacking as they know what is in which boxes. And if they don't know ..... well it is still their problem to fix as they are the ones who created the problem.

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