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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt

125 replies

Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 21:14

I want to do midwifery, I took a gap year last year and am applying this year to Russel group unis and am moving out to London. I have already sent off my ucas. Today I was talking to my mother who just randomly sprung on me that she didn't like my career choice and that any one can do it without any educational background. That I'm wasting all the hard work I put in during GCSE'S and A-levels I know I want to do it but it just shocked me a bit. I don't want to disappoint her and this is the first time she has said this. Just a bit confused and sad really.

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 20/12/2019 21:16

Your mother sounds delightful you stick with your career choice it's by no means something "anyone" can do it takes a special person to do this

DCOkeford · 20/12/2019 21:19

Difficult really, as factually she has a point.

If you're able to get into a RG uni, then you are probably over qualified for midwifery and would be able to do 'better' in terms of remuneration and conditions with a different choice.

That said, we do need bright midwives.

I can see both sides tbh. How do you feel about it? Are you going down the midwifery path as it will be less competitive?

Most parents just want the best for their DCs, and midwifery is a hard and poorly paid life.

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 21:20

@slipperywhensparticus it's just she's never said anything about it before and just brought it up as a sweeping statement then moved on and didn't explain it and was like oh forget it do what u want. Just don't see where its coming from

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/12/2019 21:21

Midwifery is one of the toughest courses to get a place on ( crossing all relevant fingers for your UCAS) , why on earth does your Mother think it's something "just anyone can do" Shock.
Or is her not liking your choice her way of (clumsily) worrying about you moving to London and the workload and shifts ?

I'm an HCP, I'm often asked "Do you need to train for this" ?

No, we just wander in off the street , pick up a random instrument , think , Hmmmmm and wander off looking for a patient Hmm

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 21:21

@DCOkeford I've always wanted to work in the health sector and was really stuck between child nursing and midwifery but chose midwifery. Medicine just doesn't interest me

OP posts:
Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 21:23

@70isaLimitNotaTarget no its not the moving out she just suddenly decided today she doesn't like my course. I have closer unis to me which means I wouldn't have to move out if I got offers and she knows that. She just said it as a broad sweeping statement without explaining it

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/12/2019 21:26

Does she often put you down? Because I am struggling to believe any woman who has had a child believes anyone uneducated person could just walk in off the street and be a midwife without being trained. She is either incredibly stupid or she likes making you feel like shit.

Neither is a positive really.

DCOkeford · 20/12/2019 21:26

Midwifery is one of the toughest courses to get a place on

It really isn't, nursing, midwifery and HCA roles are (IMO) for those without the intellect, application and tenacity to do medicine.

It does sound to me like your selling yourself a bit short OP. Are you sure there isn't a grain of truth in what your DMum said? Perhaps that's why you're hurt by it, it touched a nerve?

Personally, I'd be really upset if DD wanted to be a nurse, I'd just see a lifetime of horrible shifts, poor pay and treatment at the hands of the NHS ahead of her and would want a better life for her.

DCOkeford · 20/12/2019 21:26

*nurse/midwife

ShootTheRunner · 20/12/2019 21:28

I don't think I could do it. I have always had such respect for midwives, they need to know so much as they look after mum and baby before during and after birth. I will always remember the amazing midwives who looked after me, they were bloody heroes!

teentree · 20/12/2019 21:31

@DCOkeford

nursing, midwifery and HCA roles are (IMO) for those without the intellect, application and tenacity to do medicine

Hmm

What a nasty thing to say. Lots of people choose to do these things, because they WANT to.

OP your mum sounds like a bitch tbh. Is she usually horrible to you? She should be proud Confused

bionicnemonic · 20/12/2019 21:31

It may be a generational thing...I think people of my generation are a bit shocked that this is something you have to go to uni for...my mums generation (so the one I learned from) saw it as a thing you learned on the job (she went straight out of school into a maternity unit, she wasn’t trained but considered herself a ‘nurse’. It may be that. Or that so-and-so’s daughter down the road is doing a degree in maths and she can’t equate the two as yours is vocational. I think it’s a fabulous career and I really wish you well

Waveysnail · 20/12/2019 21:33

Kings college london you need an ABB at A level for their midwifery degree. Hardly for thick.

I laugh at the poster that nursing and midwifery is for people who dont have the intellect, tenacity and application. They are completely different careers and roles. Not everyone has the burning ambition to be doctor Hmm

BuddhaAtSea · 20/12/2019 21:35

@DCOkeford you do know there are nurses who operate and anaesthetise, don’t you? Not to mention babysitting at the beginning of every bloody August and generally, you know, keeping people alive?

Lj8893 · 20/12/2019 21:37

There is a huuuuge difference between being a midwife and being an obstetrician. Two completely different jobs, you just cannot compare the two.

I do one of those jobs, and not a hope in hell I would ever want to do the other job. Just doesn’t interest me in the slightest (and that has nothing to do with my level of intellect).

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 21:38

@Bluntness100 @teentree @bionicnemonic @Waveysnail she does always make me feel like shit and its usually when our extended family are around that she likes to raise her concerns but she does have a genuine intrest to look out for me and she has never made me feel short on her love.

OP posts:
Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 21:40

@DCOkeford idk i really do want to do it as i want to make a difference in peoples live and work in the health sector . Medicine just doesn't interest me neither does dentistry.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 20/12/2019 21:41

I think it’s an old fashioned view of nursing which was probably correct when I left school over 30 years ago. The people who went into nursing then were not as academic as the medics. Clearly the profession has moved on but not everyone’s attitude.

DCOkeford · 20/12/2019 21:41

There is a huuuuge difference between being a midwife and being an obstetrician

One gives you choice, freedom, agency in your career, the ability to change employer if you wish, a comfortable retirement, not to have to work over Christmas etc. The other doesn't.

You DMum just wants you to have a nice life (as we all do for our DCs)

She just sees you taking a very difficult and poorly paid path in life, when there are other, easier ones open to you.

If you really are set on Midwifery, no problem, but I suspect that the reason her comments stung, is that this is something you are also aware of.

fluffyjumper · 20/12/2019 21:43

DCOkeford your comment is rude, nurses and midwives do the job as it's what we love. Its bloody hard to train and then maintain our qualification as well as expanding it. We may have a shortage of nurses but I know applicants that have been refused entry into a course not due to a lack of good a level results. Are you a hcp?

DCOkeford · 20/12/2019 21:43

Medicine just doesn't interest me neither does dentistry

Sometimes we have to sacrifice a bit of what interests us in order to have all the nice things that life has to offer.

Lots of people don't have the choice, but it seems that you do.

Butchyrestingface · 20/12/2019 21:46

I know she’s your mum OP, but she doesn’t sound terribly up-to-date. Sounds like she expects your extended family to back her up which is why she raises genuine if misguided concerns in their presence.

OrangeSlices998 · 20/12/2019 21:47

@DCOkeford What a way to belittle people who choose nursing and midwifery.

@Midwifehopefully My degree was incredibly challenging, emotionally and mentally. Please don’t listen to your mum, it takes enormous skill and compassion to care for others in that way. Midwifery is very competitive for a reason so have faith and believe in yourself.

All I will add is that I wouldn’t fixate on a RG uni, all degrees are validated and approved by the NMC and have to meet the same standards. So apply wherever you want, I just wouldn’t personally place weight on the prestige of a uni I met lots of people who trained across the UK and honestly we all had the same challenges and issues! (And noone has ever asked me in an interview where I went to uni or my degree classification!)

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 21:48

@DCOkeford u sound like my mum lol .i just don't want to do 5 years for a degree i dont like and then spend my lifetime doing a job i don't like.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 20/12/2019 21:48

Sometimes we have to sacrifice a bit of what interests us in order to have all the nice things that life has to offer.

Will someone unplug her please?