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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel hurt

125 replies

Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 21:14

I want to do midwifery, I took a gap year last year and am applying this year to Russel group unis and am moving out to London. I have already sent off my ucas. Today I was talking to my mother who just randomly sprung on me that she didn't like my career choice and that any one can do it without any educational background. That I'm wasting all the hard work I put in during GCSE'S and A-levels I know I want to do it but it just shocked me a bit. I don't want to disappoint her and this is the first time she has said this. Just a bit confused and sad really.

OP posts:

Mummadeeze · 21/12/2019 08:29

Best of luck on your future course. I think it is an admirable choice and your Mum should be very proud of you. Proud of you for knowing what you want to do, for doing well in your exams and being able to apply to good Uni’s, proud of you for caring about people’s health, people’s births and choosing a challenging profession. If you have a vocation towards something and you enjoy your work, that is more than a parent should want for their child. I work in television and I love it but if my DD wanted to become a nurse or a midwife I would be extremely proud of her. Sorry your Mum has disappointed you. But have courage in your own convictions. I wanted to do Media studies at Uni but didn’t because my parents thought it wasn’t a proper course. I have still managed to succeed in a media job but lots of my colleagues did Media Studies and I know I would have enjoyed the course more than the one I did. My Mum regrets influencing me now and says she should have listened more to my point of view. Parents are misguided sometimes.

Liara · 21/12/2019 09:11

I’m from a family full of doctors, very much in the ‘anything that’s not medicine is second best ‘ model of thinking.

Now in our 40s not one, not a single one is still practicing medicine. One actually retrained as a doula.

If the only thing that matters is being paid better and having holidays, then healthcare as a whole is a terrible idea.

On the other hand if that is all there is to life then it’s no wonder depression rates are so high. Humans need meaning in their life, and if being a midwife gives you meaning then you should go for it.

SunshineCake · 21/12/2019 10:28

Is she saying forget it as she's realised she's said the wrong thing or is an example of passive aggressiveness?

LadyAllegraImelda · 21/12/2019 10:36

@DCOkeford Fri 20-Dec-19 21:26:28
It really isn't, nursing, midwifery and HCA roles are (IMO) for those without the intellect, application and tenacity to do medicine

How ignorant, condescending and nasty you are! They are totally different jobs thicko. I'm an RG graduate and never work Christmas or do shift work.

OP I think it is really important to do something you enjoy, for your mental health and your quality of life. if you are interested in the management roles further along your career then you can earn much better money.

LadyAllegraImelda · 21/12/2019 10:37

*RG graduate in an HCP role I meant.

Original poster

Midwifehopefully · 21/12/2019 11:21

@SunshineCake I'd think passive aggressive it's like forget it don't listen to me you'll regret it later

OP posts:

onanothertrain · 21/12/2019 12:32

DCOkeford are you normally such a dick? Nursing / midwifery and medicine are completely different roles.

CaptSkippy · 21/12/2019 12:52

It's not up to her. It would be nice if she supported it, but it's your life and your carreer. All she can do get on board.

CaptSkippy · 21/12/2019 12:53

She is however unreasonable for agruing in front of the rest of the family.

Mrsgoggingsthe3rd · 21/12/2019 12:59

@DCOkeford is right, but it’s still a crappy thing to say especially for you’re Mother.

Mother’s are definitely not exempt from behaving badly towards their children though. My Mum does similar things with sweeping statements from nowhere. When I got engaged (we’d not even set a date nor discussed it), she dropped ‘well who’s going g to pay for this wedding then, don’t expect us to, total waste of money’. 5 years later when we got married she was falling over herself to pay for things and be involved. Despite us not needing her to. You Mum will come round. Do what makes you happy. We need more bright midwives.

Good luck.

Interestedwoman · 21/12/2019 13:05

YANBU. I always found it odd people deciding their lives based on what Mummy and Daddy want. It's your life, you're a grown up or pretty much so now. You'll probably be a long time in a career if it turns out to be one you can handle, so pick the one you feel drawn to.

Also, it's not a waste of your studies as you'll probably be going to a good uni due to your hard work, not an average or crap one. It'll definitely open doors for you to go to a good one, and look good on your CV etc especially if you do well, as you probably will.

Good luck xxxxx

Greenglassteacup · 21/12/2019 13:08

I don’t understand why people on here go on about Russel group universities. Snobs. No one’s going to give a fuck about where you got your degree when you’re just getting on with doing your job.

SendCoffeeASAP · 21/12/2019 13:38

Please go with what you actually want to do OP. I started a medicine degree, because it was what i "should" do etc.
2 years in I dropped out and applied for Children's Nursing. It's the BEST decision I ever made. And I made it for me, I only wish I was braver in the beginning to actually stand up for myself and say no, medicine isn't the be all and end all, nursing is rewarding too.
I aim to go on to be an advanced neonatal nurse practitioner within the next 5 years so it's by no means a terrible career choice.

Metaplasia · 21/12/2019 13:39

I'm at uni at the moment trying to get into medicine because I don't have the balls to be a nurse or a midwife! Let's be honest nurses midwifes and HCAs are the backbone and do all the hard work. I feel like I'm going the easier route tbh.

Original poster

Midwifehopefully · 22/12/2019 15:55

any nurses and midwives on here; how is the NMC renewal every 3 years ? is it hard ? why do you have to do it ? and is it nurses only or do doctors have to do it as well ?

OP posts:

Ihavethefinalsleigh · 22/12/2019 17:43

It's not hard exactly. As part of your job you have to keep a profile of your experience and training and you have to show you've worked a set number of hours. More here:

revalidation.nmc.org.uk/welcome-to-revalidation.1.html

MatildaTheCat · 22/12/2019 18:11

The majority of professional bodies will require renewal of registration and evidence of CPD. The Trust you work for should give you the training days you require for this but obviously it’s a good idea to also continue to read journals and look at evidence based practice throughout your career.

I trained in both nursing and midwifery a long while back and practice has changed so much in certain areas. So you need to be receptive to change, flexible in your thinking and analytical in your mindset.

There are many pathways and opportunities once you have consolidated your training with a good spell on the wards and community. Some midwives will always want to work on the ‘shop floor’, others drawn towards management, child protection, mental health or training.

It’s not an easy path but I will never regret it. I’m sure your DM will get over herself in time. If you were academic at school and interested in science she’s probably been nursing a fantasy that you will become a doctor. Unfortunately there is still so much more prestige attached to certain careers- you can help to change this.

I refuse to feed the troll but doctors have high rates of depression, drink and drug issues and divorce. None of these strike me as especially ‘nice’.

MrsCasares · 22/12/2019 18:14

Porkchops, so sorry for your loss.

As a retired midwife (and thicko apparently), we need bright, articulate passionate midwives. Go with your heart. The work is so rewarding. It’s truly a privilege to be allowed to look after someone in pregnancy, Labour and postnatally.

Fr0g · 22/12/2019 18:21

she does always make me feel like shit - sounds like a university that requires you to leave home is probably the best solution, whether or not it is Russell Group or not.

Notodontidae · 22/12/2019 22:25

If you ever become a mum yourself, remember how your mum made you feel like shit, and strive to avoid it with your own DCs. A major job of a parent is to instill confidence in their DCs so that they feel good about themselves, and follow a career path of their own choosing. Usually if you love the job, you will become good at it and earn a comfortable living,

Original poster

Midwifehopefully · 22/12/2019 22:39

@notodontidae unfortunately my Dr said I had primary ovarian disorder so it's highly unlikely I will have children :-(:-( but if I adopt children I definitely will instill that in them

OP posts:

Emptybox · 23/12/2019 09:25

I’m a bit late to the party, having just stumbled upon this. DCokeford hasn’t replied for a while, but it’s nice to know that I and all of my colleagues are in this job because we are too thick to be doctors. For what it’s worth, I’m a qualified engineer, qualified teacher, with 2 degrees and an HND, but the letters after my name I’m most proud of are RM. I wonder if she has any idea of what a midwife actually does? (We can admit, treat, provide medication and discharge women without them going near a doctor, for a start). Or the fact that nurses do a hell of a lot more than make beds, mop brows and wait for a handsome young doctor to fall in love with? (It’s not the 1950’s. Start your education by googling ‘nurse practitioner’ instead of Carry on Nurse). My mum still, after 18 years, thinks I cuddle babies all day.
Ignore it, OP, ignore them all. You’ve every right to be hurt. Similar things came my way, I remember how it felt, but try to shut your ears. It’s a bloody hard course to get onto. Despite what others might say, it’s one of the hardest to get onto, and to see through to the end. It’s also (I know I’m biased here) the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. When I got my registration- the hard won PIN- I felt like I’d climbed Everest. You really are going to do- as far as I’m concerned and others may disagree- the best job in the universe.
And anyway, if it is of such low status, why do RG universities offer it?

Sadlyf · 23/12/2019 20:42

@Emptybox thankyou the job in itself is very rewarding and will give me a chance to give back to the NHS seeing as I was in the hospital for most of my child years. I just love the hospital environment.

Sadlyf · 23/12/2019 20:43

makingmammaries · 24/12/2019 08:09

There’s a shortage of midwives, and some of the midwives I had when DS were born were horrific. That suggests to me that people aren’t clamouring to get into the profession. Think about why that might be, OP, before you set your choices in stone.

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