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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt

125 replies

Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 21:14

I want to do midwifery, I took a gap year last year and am applying this year to Russel group unis and am moving out to London. I have already sent off my ucas. Today I was talking to my mother who just randomly sprung on me that she didn't like my career choice and that any one can do it without any educational background. That I'm wasting all the hard work I put in during GCSE'S and A-levels I know I want to do it but it just shocked me a bit. I don't want to disappoint her and this is the first time she has said this. Just a bit confused and sad really.

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 20/12/2019 21:48

You do realise that obstetricians do have to work over Xmas yes?

And what makes you think midwives don’t have choice and freedom, ability to change employers etc?

What a strange point of view you have.

OrangeSlices998 · 20/12/2019 21:48

@DCOkeford Why are you implying the OP and her chosen career are a cop out? Medicine is a choice, wanting to be a nurse or midwife is nothing to do with lacking intellect or motivation and everything with them being very different jobs with different roles within healthcare and thus equally valid. Are you a doctor by any chance?

neonglow · 20/12/2019 21:49

I always thought midwifery was a very competitive course to get a place on.

And midwives are autonomous practitioners aren’t they? I thought they were a band or so higher than nurses for pay?

From what I’ve seen of midwives they are highly skilled professionals, and I can understand the appeal of a midwife role over being an obstetrician. Completely different jobs but I wouldn’t say one was inferior to the other.

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 21:50

It is a very old fashioned view but i just dont want to disappoint her and she just belittles me in front of my family.

OP posts:
OrangeSlices998 · 20/12/2019 21:51

Genuinely laughing at the idea obstetricians have so much flexibility and autonomy (they don’t, they often get assigned which hospitals they work in while training and there’s no guarantee these will be near each other or where you live), or that they don’t work Christmas. They do! Hmm

babycatcher411 · 20/12/2019 21:52

@DCOkeford
It really isn't, nursing, midwifery and HCA roles are (IMO) for those without the intellect, application and tenacity to do medicine

Yikes, what a terribly horrible, sweeping rash generalisation to make. Midwifery and medicine are completely different beasts. Not remotely comparable jobs.

I wonder, on the basis of your statement, what I must be considered to be?
I left a RG university, studying Law, having got there with straight A’s (and a baby), to study midwifery instead. And as hell was it the most terrible, wonderful decision I have ever made. But midwifery was by far the harder more gruelling, and more rewarding course.

Per your later statement.
And I’m yet to meet a doctor who doesn’t/has had to work Christmas...

Lj8893 · 20/12/2019 21:52

And the implication that doctors are doctors just because of the money is offensive too!

This country doesn’t want doctors who don’t really want to be doctors, but the money’s half decent. We want doctors who are passionate about the job they do, just as we want passionate midwives and nurses.

Tableclothing · 20/12/2019 21:52

Don't piss away your adulthood trying to win your parents' approval.

PippaPug · 20/12/2019 21:53

If you want to do it, do it, listen to yourself and no one else!

You could always down the road become a private midwife when you have had more experience - pick and choose your own hours etc

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/12/2019 21:57

It is tough to get into as in the competition for places . Even with the entry qualifications the number of people chasing the training places .

When I trained (in the 80s , I am old) the course I did took 40 applicants and had 400 applying .

I am glad my DC are not following me into the NHS (both their career paths are miles away from HealthCare) .

Foxglove85 · 20/12/2019 21:58

Do your midwifery training and hold your head high. I did my training about 6 years ago and of my cohort I’d say about 20% of us would have been able to apply for medicine with our grades. It’s a job that requires passion, and I would prefer to work alongside and be looked after by a competent midwife with a passion for her job, regardless of their intellect.

Medicine as a career choice for women has some pitfalls. Taking breaks from training for child-rearing is much harder and there is a greater degree of uncertainty as to where jobs will be available and rotational posts. Sometimes I wish I had done medicine to reap the (eventual) financial rewards and the respect of people like @DCOkeford, but then I give my head a wobble!

Good luck with your application OP and thicken your skin to comments like your mum’s. You will see when you start your training the wealth of knowledge that is held in midwifery and feel incredible pride for being part of that. At least I do!

JinxandBinx · 20/12/2019 21:59

I had to make a username just to reply to this.
I am in no way offended by most things, but as a midwife, I am highly offended by this.
It really annoys me that people don’t know the amount of work that midwives actually do.
And absolutely nothing against doctors, I love the obstetricians I work with, but I’m the one that escalates concerns to them, I’m the one that catches babies in distress or haemorrhages and calls them to the room. Not because I don’t know what to do, but we are a team, and we work well together.
Just remember, as a midwife, people are putting the lives of their most loved in your hands, and that is an extremely privileged position. And it’s really sad that your mum doesn’t see it that way.

Also, if you don’t think midwives or nurses are intellectual, if you’ve been in hospital, I guarantee a nurse has saved your life directly or indirectly at least once

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 21:59

@70isaLimitNotaTarget why are u glad they are not going into the NHS?

OP posts:
sarahjconnor · 20/12/2019 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 20/12/2019 22:01

Your DM to put it politely is nuts.
The midwifery course is demanding both intellectually & physically.
My DSis is a midwife & you need ABB or equivalent to get on the course she did. DSis also has her Masters in MW. She is also qualified to discharge new mothers from hospital just like a doctor can.
It's a really slack & old fashioned view to think midwifery is a second rate job or handmaiden to an obstetrician.

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 22:02

@sarahjconnor Thankyou, its not just her though its my whole families mindset and its become worse with all the boris johnson NHS drama

OP posts:
gamerchick · 20/12/2019 22:02

Personally, I'd be really upset if DD wanted to be a nurse

Poor daughter. Hopefully she'll be able to stand up to you to do something she wants, even if you don't approve Hmm

OP, has your mother done anything with her life? Usually this shit stems from jealousy. If she puts you down often, then fuck her and do it anyway. She'll never change.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/12/2019 22:04

Midwife they didn't do any science based exams so there wasn't ever a case of "Mum I want to be xyz in the NHS"

I've served 30 years (sounds like a prison term Grin ) and it is changing . There are more demands on Staff, fewer of us .

I still have a way to go till retirement but I can see the huge changes ahead of us .

Once you qualify , there is the option of working Private (and that scope will increase )

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 22:07

@gamerchick no she works in retail and thats why shes always like she had to do all this hard work so she could give us a good life which is why i feel the need to respect her opinions

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 20/12/2019 22:07

really isn't, nursing, midwifery and HCA roles are (IMO) for those without the intellect, application and tenacity to do medicine

God what a spectacularly nasty thing to say.

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 22:09

@70isaLimitNotaTarget i dont want to do it for the money though i want to work in the NHS i love the environment . Its just with that is a decent but low paid and demanding job in my families eyes

OP posts:
Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 22:10

@JinxandBinx i fully respect the struggles both mentally and physically that nursing and midwives go through and i respect them so much . Hopefully i will go on to become a midwife but my families words just made me feel down.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 20/12/2019 22:15

It's nothing to do with your mother and you don't have to do it whatever the opposite of disappoint her is.

You'll have to move on from what she's said as it won't do you any good. Accept it has made you sad but then let it go.

Ihavethefinalsleigh · 20/12/2019 22:15

Difficult really, as factually she has a point

@DCOkeford

She doesn’t have a point!

You'll usually need:
five GCSEs at grades 9 to 4 (A* to C), including English, maths, and a science.
two or three A levels, including a science, or a level 3 diploma or access to higher education in health, science, or nursing.

TheMustressMhor · 20/12/2019 22:15

@DCOkeford

WTF?

I am about to retire after a career in midwifery which has lasted over forty years.

I could easily have trained to be a doctor but I had no wish to.

I became a midwife for the job satisfaction. I am passionate about midwifery and I find your comments belittling and highly insulting.

OP - if you want to become a midwife, go for it. You will never regret your decision, I promise you. Personally I feel completely honoured and humbled to have had such a wonderful career. No, I didn't make my fortune, but I never expected to.

All the very best with whatever you decide to do.