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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt

125 replies

Midwifehopefully · 20/12/2019 21:14

I want to do midwifery, I took a gap year last year and am applying this year to Russel group unis and am moving out to London. I have already sent off my ucas. Today I was talking to my mother who just randomly sprung on me that she didn't like my career choice and that any one can do it without any educational background. That I'm wasting all the hard work I put in during GCSE'S and A-levels I know I want to do it but it just shocked me a bit. I don't want to disappoint her and this is the first time she has said this. Just a bit confused and sad really.

OP posts:
BeanTownNancy · 20/12/2019 23:14

I always wanted to go into medicine, but wasn't well enough to commit to the study when I was younger (I had severe bipolar disorder in my youth). I took the easy path and I've been working in a nice stable finance job with good benefits and decent pay for about 8 years now.

And I. Am. Bored.

Having had 2 kids I'm amazed at the work the midwives do and once my kids are in school so I don't have childcare bills to worry about, I'd love to retrain and work in a job where I can really help people.

Don't be me. Follow your heart.

Porkchops83 · 20/12/2019 23:18

If it wasn't for the amazing Midwifes that helped me recently, I feel I would be in a very different place right now. They safely, kindly, compassionately delivered my baby girl, who was already dead,
But helped me through labour,
Got me through safely
And made what would have normally been a horrific experience
Quite positive
And one I'll never forget
It takes someone special to do that.
Thank you Midwifes....
Who according to some are too thick as shit "to do medicine"
Please!!!!!

eaglejulesk · 20/12/2019 23:18

nursing, midwifery and HCA roles are (IMO) for those without the intellect, application and tenacity to do medicine

What a charming thing to say!

OP I think your mother is being very unpleasant. I know of intelligent people who have ended up in careers they hate, simply because it was expected of them, when they would have been much happier doing something else. Being a midwife is a very important and rewarding career, and if that is what you want to do then go for it.

Some people here seem to thing the only way to achieve happiness is to earn lots of money - what rubbish! Enjoying what you do is far more important than how much money you earn. I wish you every luck.

eaglejulesk · 20/12/2019 23:21

@RB68 Very well said!

Bearintheknow · 20/12/2019 23:23

@DCOkeford Grin the irony of your reply lacking any knowledge of these roles shows your complete lack of intellect. I’d love to see you spend a day as a midwife.
My mom is a midwife and I watched her to the degree and it was not easy. Nursing could be argued as ‘easier’ as it’s all measured in ‘bands’ but by no means less rewarding or honourable.

HCA’s I don’t believe need a degree so odd to mention that in your argument.

Bjorksswandress · 20/12/2019 23:24

Porkchops so sorry for the loss of your baby girl Flowers. The professionals who help us in extremis are rarely forgotten and as you have shown, make a terrible situation a little easier to bear.

ASilhouetteAndNothingMore · 20/12/2019 23:28

@DCOkeford
It really isn't, nursing, midwifery and HCA roles are (IMO) for those without the intellect, application and tenacity to do medicine

But hey, us little nurses could always have the aspirations to marry a doctor Hmm

Not a midwife, but a nurse, I love my job, every day is different, my colleagues are lovely, I have a great rapport with most of my patients. It's hard work, but if you want to do it, you'll love it.
And you can travel the world with it.

Porkchops83 · 20/12/2019 23:41

@Bjorksswandress
Thank you so very much.
Very difficult
Very early days x

Emmapeeler1 · 20/12/2019 23:42

My mum is like this about careers and degree courses. She has some traditional views, shall we say. Stick to your guns though if it’s what you think you will love doing. At my (RG) uni, nursing was a tough degree course and people were kicked off if they didn’t do well.

Also, a relative of mine started as a nurse (years ago) and then did a masters. Her career included very some very influential positions at the royal college of nursing and midwifery. The NHS funds some higher degrees, too.

SunshineAngel · 20/12/2019 23:43

@DCOkeford That is a really shitty thing to say. I'm sure you'd happily accept care from those people as and when needed.

Personally, I would not be interested in medicine, even if I could qualify with the click of a finger. Midwifery however does interest me, and I am hoping to train in the future.

I am perfectly confident that, if I set my mind to it, I could complete a medical degree. The choice not to does not reflect poorly on my intellect.

ElmStreet · 21/12/2019 00:00

Stop feeding the obvious troll Xmas Smile

@midwifehopefully Good luck with your course!

eaglejulesk · 21/12/2019 04:18

Sometimes we have to sacrifice a bit of what interests us in order to have all the nice things that life has to offer.

Are you for real? If so I feel sorry for you as your obviously have yet to grasp the true meaning of life.

eaglejulesk · 21/12/2019 04:19

"you"

ChickenTikkaTellMeWhatsWrong · 21/12/2019 05:13

I'm in my first year at University to become a children's nurse. I am so proud, but I often get horrified looks from people asking how could I do children's nursing and watch babies and children so ill Hmm it's annoying but it's my choice and I wouldn't change it for anything.
My mum is also so proud and manages to tell everyone GrinBlush

Don't let anyone put you off what you want to do and good luck for the future Smile

BozoBahHumbugScroogesItUp · 21/12/2019 05:51

Do what you want to do. We need intelligent midwives, who are interested in both mums and babies. All I ask of you once you qualify is to be mindful of women’s needs post birth. After care is pretty shocking on the wards both in my experience and from threads.

SlidingIntoForties · 21/12/2019 06:15

Absolutely do what you want. Forty plus years is a LONG time working. Far better for it to be time you also enjoy.

Juliette20 · 21/12/2019 06:22

Sometimes we have to sacrifice a bit of what interests us in order to have all the nice things that life has to offer

Depends what you think the nice things are. I think a nice thing is doing a job you love for the rest of your life.

Dontdisturbmenow · 21/12/2019 06:24

OP, if you did well at school, and all your mum heard from your teacher was how well your future looked, how you have the intellect to go into Medicine or Dentistry, your mum probably fantasize about you going into such career and being so immensely proud. She is disappointed that your decision is taking this away from her. She voices her views as her way to express her hurt at the disappointment, but she clearly knows that she is in the wrong and that ultimately it is absolutely fair that you should go for what you know is right for you.

Medicine would definitely have not been for you. It's hard enough to get a place when you desperately want to do it. The first thing interviewers look for is the love, dedication, and commitment to Medicine. They know when people try to make it up and apply only for the status rather than the passion.

Your mum will come around once she gets it that you are doing what you want to do rather than going for an ellistist career. Being a midwife is a fantastic choice, with a number of opportunities afterwards anyway, you go for it!

NearlyGranny · 21/12/2019 06:35

Your DM is undermining and undervaluing you and it sounds like she has a track record of it, too.

I would be so proud to boast that any DC of mine was a midwife! It's one of those careers where you never have to wonder what good you are in the world or whether anyone even notices or values what you do, not like many careers that are better paid!

And it's a hard slog to get there, too.

I think this is a clear opportunity for my favourite question of all time: "Why would you say that?" and see what she has to say. Good to use when she digs at you in front of family, too.

Shame on her. Good on you!

endofthelinefinally · 21/12/2019 06:35

My dd chose, at the last minute, not to go to Oxford.
She did something else entirely and is on the esy to a successful career.
I supported her 100% and couldn't be more proud.
It is her life, not mine.

Newbie1981 · 21/12/2019 06:36

@DCOkeford I would be really upset if you were my parent with that attitude! God you're awful!

Newbie1981 · 21/12/2019 06:42

@JinxandBinx Please do not be offended. It's her Mother and some other weirdo who think like that. The rest of us (and the world) know midwives are AMAZING! My child and I would def not be here with them. Both my husband and I couldn't believe how much they do/know/care in the run up to but mainly during the birth.

I considered doing midwifery after this but didn't go for it in the end as I thought ITS TOO HARD AND ONLY REALLY SWITCHED ON PEOPLE CAN DO IT!

Oysterbabe · 21/12/2019 06:43

I saw poem Hollie Mcnish posted recently:

An ode and an apology to midwives
(thank you for what you do)

sometimes i lie and say i’m a midwife
when strangers on trains ask what i do
i want them to think i am good
i want them to look at my hands
and imagine those hands have held more than a pen,
i want them to think I have run between bedsides, mermaid to ships, carrying sailors to safety on shores, delivering life or toast or condolences,
comforting those in the midst of an earthquake,
sewing stitches in skin like life saving tapestries,
sitting for seconds catching breath between screams.

I can't stress enough how important it is to choose a career you feel passionate about. I wish I had chosen something that I could feel proud of, that makes a positive impact on the world. I'm a lawyer and a good proportion of the people I represent are cunts. Go and be a midwife, I think it's a wonderful choice.

3rdNamechange · 21/12/2019 06:55

@DCOkeford strange you are questioning people's intelligence when your own grammar is so bad. It's 'you're' Wink

Original poster
Midwifehopefully · 21/12/2019 08:14

Thank you everyone. I wasn't going to change my uni choice for my mum but I just wanted to change her idea about midwifery and just didn't understand how she just randomly blurted all of that out in front on my family

OP posts:
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