To think DP should make more of an effort.

[HerRoyalFattyness]

I've been with DP 12 years. We have 3 kids (11, 6 and 4)

He's a SAHD and I work full time, out of the house 7-7.
I did my last day at work for the year yesterday.

DP can be very lazy. Housework is never to an acceptable standard. I mention it time and time again, yet I still end up scrubbing the house whenever I'm off.
It isn't filthy, but it isn't clean either. It's frustrating that this falls to me.

He "forgets" appointments. I remind him every day of what he has coming up.for the day. I'm basically his PA.

He will complain about making me a meal when I come home from work, or if I make something the night before to be heated up (cottage pie etc) he never leaves me any.
So a lot of the time I turn to takeaway.
Which he is quite happy with as he is the one who suggests this a lot of the time.

I want to lose weight (need to) I am almost 17st. He moans at me for wanting this. He is also extremely overweight at 19st 8lbs. He doesn't see a problem with this.

I am autistic and I have hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. I'm also suffering from severe depression and psychosis with auditory hallucinations.
Yet still the majority of being a grown up falls to me. It's so bloody frustrating.

And it's half past 8 and he's in bed, fast asleep while I try and spend some time with the 11 year old, and the 6 year old has a raging temperature and is throwing her little guys up.

Now, I know this is a difficult time of year for him. His brother hanged himself on boxing Day 4 years ago, and the family had to turn off the life support machine on the 30th.

But I am really fucking struggling right now.
AIBU to think he should try a bit bloody harder, and take some of the pressure off me?

I'm sorry if this is a bit scrambled. I'm trying to type while soothing the poorly one.

It will take time though. I need to make sure there's a plan in place for the kids, that our finances are better, the DMP goes out of his bank so I'd need to sort that, I need to make sure I have some money saved up so that if I need to take any time off work while waiting for childcare I'm not leaving myself with nothing.
So it will take time. There's a lot to untangle.
But I have to do it.

yes you do need to, but you can do it and the clearer the path is the better you will feel
shame about ssp - could you go part time and top up via benefits...?

I might be able to go part time eventually, but until I've got rid of him, that's not an option. I need the money. Especially as he isn't working.

My head's battered.

For god's sake. He's now threatening the kids with santa. He knows I hate that. Telling them that he won't bring them presents because they are being naughty.
They're not. The 4 year old is dancing because I put Christmas music on and the 6 year old went to join in and he said "you're poorly, you can't play"
Errr... Yeah she can. Piss off. Twat.

And now he's trying to argue with me because I pulled him on it. I won't have him upset the kids because he's in a mood.

Hello HerRoyalFattyness, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our domestic violence page as this may give you some clarity about next steps.

We really hope things look a lot brighter for you soon.

Yes you need to make plans to leave.
If you are open and honest about your plans, would he be more anusive or buck up?

I've no idea how he'd react to be honest.

Yet again he's gone to bed early. 7pm tonight.

So I've been pottering about trying to clean the living room. My hip has wriggled itself back in at least, although still painful.

DS1 cleared off the TV unit and wiped it all down for me. He's so lovely. He even offered to clean the cat litter. I told him it was ok, and as I was sorting that he made me a cup of tea. He's lovely.

He came down as I was hoovering and asked me what I was doing because the noise had woken him.
Told him I was cleaning. He said
"Well I would have done it"
I asked him when and he just said "when I get round to it"
So in other words, it wouldn't have got done.

He's being very affectionate today.

Thank you for the links fliss

This is the cycle isn't it? He's trying to lull me into a false sense of security.
He wants me to believe this is him.

Yes, you need to slowly work through and untangle the issues that will stop you leaving. Maybe we can help figure out how to do that?

You don't actually need to make the decision to leave at this point, but if you get yourself into a position where you're able to leave, you can do it any time you want to. Being able to do leave will give you freedom, and I imagine you'll put up with far less of his shit.

I've made a thread in relationships
I figured that would be a better place for this.

Thank you everyone.