‘That’s me done for food today’ after a 3 course lunch

[Offred2]

I went to a restaurant with four friends for a Christmas lunch a few days ago. We all ate 3 courses and had a glass of wine each (none of us are big drinkers). The portions were decent-sized but not ridiculously big.

As we were finishing one of my friends said something along the lines of ‘that was lovely, I wont be needing anything else to eat today’. Following this all my other friends nodded/agreed.

While I didn’t say anything I was thinking that this is not the case for me at all! After that lunch at 1pm I ate beans on toast at around 7pm. I think of myself as someone with a pretty normal appetite, but if my friends were being truthful I ate a substantial amount more than them that day.

I remember a few years back my MiL making a similar comment after a restaurant lunch, that she wouldn’t need to eat anything else that day. However as we happened to be staying with her at the time I know she later ate sandwich and soup at dinner time.

So - my friend’s comment got me thinking. What do people actually mean when they use this phrase? Is it literal, as in ‘after this big lunch I will not eat any food until tomorrow’? Or do people simply mean that they won’t need to have a big evening meal, but might have eg a sandwich? Or is it something some people (women!) say without meaning it, to indicate they have a small/delicate appetite, though they may have every intention of eating something else that day.

For what it’s worth all of my friends in the restaurant are healthy weights, and as far as I know no one has any history of disordered eating.

This is exactly what my DM says whenever we go out for lunch!!! DH and I think it's funny, she's a competitive under-eater but is still quite overweight so she must be over-eating somewhere!! I think it's to do with perpetuating the perception that she eats like a bird, and that one of her best friends is so slim, to the point of being unhealthy and doesn't want to be perceived as greedy. It's an odd one.

For the record if we eat a big lunch out then we usually don't do anything more than toast or cereal, or maybe a few bits of party food, depending on what we have in!

I had a three course Christmas lunch the other day. I ate a bag of crisps about 7pm and a bowl of cereal about 9.30pm. I wasn't very hungry but would have been very grumpy if I'd gone without food all evening!

I think in a lot of cases it’s internalised shame about eating - people feel embarrassed that they’ve eaten a large amount in public. I know people who say this a lot but I’ve only met them in later life. Growing up a big lunch would mean sandwiches at teatime but no suggestion that was it for the day. And these attitudes are contagious aren’t they? You’re feeling guilty about your beans on toast. Please don’t!

Isn't just women stuffed after a big meal either.

My partner wouldn't eat anything else either. In fact I don't think I've ever seen him eat three courses.

Maybe I'm just a greedy bastard. But id never say something like that (unless as a joke because I was v. full but everyone would know it was a joke) because I know I'd eat something else later on. Inevitably you get hungry again come evening regardless of what you ate at noon! Unless you're a strict dieter- surely nobody wouldnt eat a single thing more til the next day just because you ate a big lunch?? Even christmas lunch - the most decadent meal of the year for me. We eat at around 2pm. Dessert at 3pm and by 8pm I'm plating up left overs because why not!

I would want something in the evening, but I probably couldn't eat 3 courses anyway. I hate feeling too full or bloated. Some people just eat one big meal a day, other people eat smaller meals more frequently.

I know mumsnet can be a hotbed of competitive proclaimed undereating

And over eating you missed that.

It can mean all the things you say. Depends on the person.

If I'd a three course meal at lunch I'd likely not have a supper, maybe a snack.

My mum has a small appetite and says things like this after a kids portion meal. When we're on holiday they (her and my stepdad) will have breakfast and that's them full until dinner time. Last time we went away I had to defend my teenage brother who wanted to stop for lunch and explained that just because they don't need much to eat most people (especially built, tall teenagers) do actually eat 3 meals a deal and a small breakfast isn't enough to tide everyone over 8/9 hours. To be fair said she just doesn't think as they don't eat much but it does make me feel like a bit of a pig eating around her. She doesn't judge at all but I do feel embarassed as I have a large appetite!

I'd only not eat dinner if I had a big 3 course lunch at 2/3pm. If I had it at my regular lunchtime of 12/12.30, I'd definitely still have dinner.

Competitive undereating is bizarre.

My ex MIL would say shit like this all the time after eating about half her dinner and then offering it round the table to everyone else. Always insisted she just “couldn’t” eat that much because she’s just so dainty. Implying that those women (only women and including me) who aren’t like her are greedy pigs and men don’t fancy them.

Then she’d spend the evening raiding the biscuit tin, eating a family size bag of crisps or downing a bottle of red. Sometimes all 3.

I bet at least some of your friends went home and ate something later.

I was at a christmas lunch last week was an afternoon tea thing a few of the older than me ladies were saying the same thats me for the day that was a bit odd a few teeny sandwhiches and cakes isn't a meal.

But the ‘I won’t eat again’ is public guilt from consuming in front of other people.

Yup, this. I don’t get why people feel the need to say it, whether or not it’s true. Why do your dining companions need to know whether or not you’ll be eating that evening? It makes me sad that women (and it is usually women) feel so compelled to explain their meal choices to other people.

sorry but this is me. in the olden days... not a chance but since having children/changing medication i've totally lost my appetite. if i have a big lunch I'm not hungry again til the next day. doesn't mean i won't eat in the evening but it would just be because it's there not because i really want it! your classic opportunistic, boredom eating.

I used to be able to eat a big lunch and then a meal.in the evening. Since I've started fasting I probably wouldn't want anything until the next day. Although I would eat something small anyway

I might have a piece of toast at 9pm.

I'm not on a diet but three courses would be very unusual for me. DH and I generally only eat a main for our dinner. Have also come to the conclusion that our portion sizes are generally smaller than most.

I wont be needing anything else to eat today’. Following this all my other friends nodded/agreed.

Sounds like competitive undereating to me. Otherwise why do people feel the need to say it out loud in front of everyone? If it's so normal then why say anything at all?

Having said that, competitive undereating has become so pervasive that I think a lot of people have become afraid of being judged. When your friends nodded, the chances are that at least some of them are just nodding politely so as to not get into an argument, even though they were silently thinking to themselves that this person was an annoying show-off.

I don't usually eat breakfast, not because i'm a competitive undereater but because I never feel hungry until about 1pm.

If I had a three course lunch I'd still want something early evening, not another full meal but bread and soup, or cheese on toast, or a sandwich. Or just cake.

I would eat again, maybe a sandwich, toast, eggs etc.

The most I'd have after a big meal like that early in the day is some toast or a small bowl of cereal, probably at about 9 or 10 p.m. In all honesty though, I can't remember the last time I ate 3 courses for lunch and I would far prefer to eat a big lunch at 2 p.m. rather than 12 or 1 p.m. too.

I wouldn't be eating later either and I genuinely wouldn't feel hungry. When I was a teenager I would have definitely been hungry later.

I couldn't eat 3 courses in one sitting but I'd eat a 2 course meal at lunch then eat something like toast in the evening.

People are different in the way they eat. I’m little and often, but if I ate a large meal at lunch I would want something else later because I struggle going long periods between eating. DH on the other hand barely eats in the day, he basically eats one large meal in the evening. If he ate a big meal midday he’d have no problem not eating again that day.

I sometimes find the more I eat the hungrier I feel. So after a three course lunch I would be hungry in the evening.

But the ‘I won’t eat again’ is public guilt from consuming in front of other people.

Or maybe they're genuinely stuffed and feel like they couldn't eat anything else?

I tend to eat 5 small meals through the day - I can't manage three big meals because it's too much food in one go.

If I had a three course lunch I probably wouldn't eat anything else that day either, other than perhaps an apple or something.

However, if I am going out for a three course meal in the evening, I do eat lunch, I just try not to snack. So if it's that way round I eat more.