He fucking got away with it. Now what?

[InnisandGunn]

Some of you may remember my posts regarding an old friend that sexual assaulted me twice. Once whilst asleep, and once whilst black out drunk. He's a teacher. Dating a 17 year old girl.

The police have just emailed to say it's not going to CPS.

What can I do now?

I want to put it all over Facebook. I want to send an email to the head teacher. I want to go and confront him and record it.

I feel bereft. He got away with it. He fucking got away with it. He lied and he got away with it. How is this fucking right. If I hadn't had a drink I'd be straight round there now.

Please someone talk some sense into me. I just want him to feel what I'm feeling right now.

That's incredibly fucked up but please do not confront him in person when you don't have a clear head. It could be dangerous.

Do you have someone you trust with this stuff? Probably best you're not alone right now.

Just offering a hand hold. It's shit he's got away with it, and even shitter that so many like him get away with similar so often. Are his employers likely to be interested in your experience? You could send them all the information you have just for their info. Maybe they won't be able to act on that alone if he denies it, but it may give them context in which to judge his future actions.

I’m so sorry.

Unfortunately these sorts of crimes, while they stay with you forever, leave very little if any evidence, so this is is so often the way it goes.

Please don’t make any rash decisions tonight. If you start posting on Facebook or email his boss, it could backfire on you - he could sue you for defamation.

My partner's asleep upstairs. He went to bed early because he's ill and has an early start in work tomorrow. My parents are asleep. My friends are asleep. Im currently writing a post on word that I'll put on Facebook, which will.hopefully muddy his name. I'm going to ask my mum to hsve DS tomorrow afternoon whilst I go and find him and record a conversation with him, or his bloody parents who lied through their teeth.

I'm sorry, I'm just so angry.

I've been told it'd cost a lot to sue me for defamation so I'm willing to take the risk right now.

I've been told it'd cost a lot to sue me for defamation so I'm willing to take the risk right now

A no win, no fee lawyer would make it affordable.

Don’t do anything tonight. Sleep on it first.

I feel for you.

However other posters are right - you don’t want to cause more pain to yourself do you? Be careful about defamation. Don’t do anything rash. Talk about it though, get angry feelings out. But a post that people may not even believe, that might backfire on you? Don’t do it.

Write it tonight if it makes you feel better to get it down, but absolutely don’t send it until you’ve read it tomorrow.
If he’s dating a 17yr old are they at the same school? Could you inform the school of this and they can investigate him from that side of things?

He hasnt got away with it. Just got away with it for now.

HE is clearly a massive creep, how old is he when he is dating (read: Shagging) a 17 year old? Clearly with her because women his own age can see him for what he is an wont have anything to do with him. You werent the first he assaulted and you wont be the last.

It didnt make it to court this time but when he is reported again your evidence will be considered. If he goes to court for another offence there is a chance that he will be charged for what he did to you too. Sometimes a case on its own isnt enough but two or more allegations that share similarities will be.

Keep the faith.

💐I’m sorry to hear that. THE police & the CPS are a complete fucking mystery at times. Can you escalate through the police? Take it to a higher level?

Sober up & calm down before you do anything or you could make things much worse.

I wouldn’t do anything on Facebook and I’d go through a solicitor to inform his school/the kids parents etc.

First of all ‘do no harm’. Do not get yourself into a situation where you come off worse!

Take care 🌷

Sadly they mostly do get away with it Innis the toxic fuckers. I have taken the subtle approach of drip feeding it to people I trust and allowing them to drip feed it onwards. Mostly I’ve drip fed it to people who know I am a strong, truthful person and allowed them to draw their own conclusions from that.

In my case there are people who know for sure he did it and have still prioritised supporting him over me (my father being one of them) but lucky for me I believe in karma and that keeps me strong from both my father and the brother who sexually assaulted me. I chose to take the high road and leave those toxic empty fuckers and the completely fucked up legal system to itself. I cannot control others but by fuck I can control myself and I have chosen that route and you know what it has served me well.

I wish you every strength in this. Your anger is absolutely fucking valid. Use it well. I am so sorry for what you have been through, it is completely unfair and unjust.

Wait, a few hours will make no difference in the scheme of things. Hopefully you are asleep now. Think clearly in the morning. Get some advice from people you trust and remember you are not alone and there are people and organisations that will support you. If you are still awake then best wishes to you and sleep well. You have done nothing wrong and you can go to sleep knowing that every night. He can not.

"I've been told it'd cost a lot to sue me for defamation so I'm willing to take the risk right now"

Which is a very big reason not to do it, if he does sue and if he does win - then he can ask for costs to be awarded against you, which in a nutshell means if it's expensive it'll be your expense not his!

Be careful in what you do.

Thank you all so much for your advice. In fairness to the officer he's just called me after I replied to his email. He's said there's nothing stopping me going to see him and I'm going to record the conversation and try and get evidence. I've written out something to put on Facebook, but that'll stay on my computer for now. I'll also draft up an email to the school. Ready to send if need be. I've had my cry. Now I'm ready to.fight more. One last ditch attempt before I have to out this to bed. Why this had to come just before Christmas I don't know.

@InnisandGunn
Sorry if I sound naive but could you employ a private investigator instead. One of my aunts did this many years ago when she suspected her partner of cheating.
Think of your safety, how your partner will feel if you go and speak to him, how it will look if it goes to court, that you’re “not threatened by him, as you were willing to speak to him face to face alone” and also, social media is totally the wrong way to go about this. Totally wrong OP. All you’re doing in effect, is making him more defensive, and strengthening his resolve against the truth. When he sees or hears about the FB post, he’ll just deny it all the more and you’ll feel even more at a loss.
Think ninja and obtain evidence more subtly.

Please get some proper advice on this. Recorded conversations are not imissible evidence unless done within the legal safeguards required. You are also putting yourself at risk by meeting him with the rightly emotional situation you are experiencing. I will sleep better if you say you are going to talk to someone about this. Please tell me you are.

SMH ((((((Massive Madd Hugs))))))😥😥😥😥🌼

Thanks guys, I have spoken to the police at great length about going to visit him. The police have given me advice on what to do and what not to do in order to obtain evidence that is admissable in court. I wouldn't meet him privately. I don't fear him, but don't know what he's capable of, especially with all this going on. If I can't speak to him then I'll go for his mum, who lied to the police. I need to give this one last shot. I'm having a final drink after writing drafts of a Facebook post, an email to his school, and a message to send to him tomorrow to let him know I'll be in his local tomorrow night. I've not sent anything and will speak to parents, partner and friend in the morning to help me decide how to go forward. I feel numb, but also determined. Thank you for all your advice tonight and your hugs and thoughts. It's meant a lot, especially as no one close to me is awake to comfort me. I want to go and give DS a cuddle, but that won't do his sleep pattern any favours.

In honesty I don't think a private investigator would be able to get the evidence we need. Plus we're paying for our wedding early next year and want to take the boys on holiday so don't want to be wasting money on him.

My DF gave me a very valuable advice once.
He said: if you’re in the midst of anger and you’re writing down a message to the person you’re angry with at that time, wait 2 days. If you’re still feeling by then you want to send exactly that message, then send it to them.

You’re understandably full of anger now but calm down before you post anything on Facebook.
You can always post but you can’t undo a posting at any time. You can only delete it but screenshots might have been made and you could get in trouble.

I’m totally on your side here but please protect yourself.

im sorry he got away with it, this time, but like others have said, it wont be a one off and someone else reporting it will ring alarm bells when the police see your report and will then come to you for evidence.

I was assaulted by my dentist when I was 12, I told my parents who stopped going to see him, he was also chairman of the swimming club and assaulted a 17 year old at the pool, he got 12 weeks in prison so in the end they get caught for their habitual behaviour, as they cant help themselves from reoffending. I didn't report my dentist to the police as it was a fine line what he did to me, (made me sit on a stool between his legs, lean my head back against his cheek to show me how I cleaned my teeth and I could feel he was aroused, then he made me kiss him on his birthday) It wasn't clear cut as he was my sisters best friends father, so a family friend and even I wasn't really aware if what he did was wrong, until his wife (who was the dental hygienist) came into the room and he would jump back as if caught out. When my sister mentioned to another friend what he did to me, the girl asked if it was a particular dentist and named him and said, oh he did that to my little sister too, so they do tend to get caught in the end.

I understand you wanting to take action but maybe write out everything you would like to say about him but don't post it.

Could you take him to court privately? As he is in a position of trust, are you aware of others he also abused?

I do believe you can appeal the decision of the CPS

Don't put anything on Facebook! He may have got with it - but you certainly won't if he sues you for libel.

Just wanted to add to the chorus of suppprt for you OP. With you on your outrage and completely understand why.

I am wondering why hebwould be able to prove he didn't do it, i.e be successful in a damafamation case against you, when you are speaking the truth, ans how could they prove you weren't speaking the truth without a full trial?

I would definitely be reporting his abuses of his position in school, and try to put your situation across to them.

Words spoken or written in anger should never be sent, until reviewed when not angry because of the risk they present to you.

It's totally shit the police record for this, or cps. Did you go to crisis for support as they would be able to offer expertise in this. Or a sarc centre?

I've also had a rape case not be pursued by the CPS. It's a kick in the teeth.

Counselling might help you move past this.
Naming yourself on FB, will not serve you well in the long run.