He fucking got away with it. Now what?

[InnisandGunn]

Some of you may remember my posts regarding an old friend that sexual assaulted me twice. Once whilst asleep, and once whilst black out drunk. He's a teacher. Dating a 17 year old girl.

The police have just emailed to say it's not going to CPS.

What can I do now?

I want to put it all over Facebook. I want to send an email to the head teacher. I want to go and confront him and record it.

I feel bereft. He got away with it. He fucking got away with it. He lied and he got away with it. How is this fucking right. If I hadn't had a drink I'd be straight round there now.

Please someone talk some sense into me. I just want him to feel what I'm feeling right now.

I'm so sorry, Innis. What a horrible sequence of events.

It's good advice to do nothing when drunk or upset.

This man sounds like a habitual predator. No teacher should be having a relationship with a student - I personally think that should apply to anyone in a position of authority, because the power differential means it can't be an equal relationship.

So I fully understand that this doesn't feel resolved for you.

Take your time, though. Your first priority is to look after your own health and mental well being. Sending a respectful hug and

@InnisandGunn

My post was more about the way it has been handled than the fact that you were called. Would be having that looked into.

2.5 year son came back from his little playgroup today with a face full of scratches. At least 5 deepish nail indentations.
He goes to a playgroup where there are 2 adults and maximum 8 kids all 2-4 years old.
Teacher said that there was a little altercation between another boy over a bicycle. It started out as a bit of pushing and then got 'not nice'. Ok I know these things happen and I know my boy wasn't completely innocent. But the reason why I am furious is because the teacher and helper didn't intervene or didn't spot that this was going to happen before my son got so badly injured?? I'm annoyed at the negligence I guess. Do I take him out of the playgroup???

@desertmama1

Start your own thread?

I had a similar issue - not sexual assault but something equally serious happen to me

The person also got away with it. I was then told if I made any details public they would pursue legal action so I was forced into silence and it nearly destroyed me.

I am so sorry. We are living in a world made by men for men, and this is what it is like. This is why so many of us don't bother to report - I did report an assault once, and was called all names under the sun for it by police men, no better than any other men. Not much to add beyond sending you moral support.

Op you’ve spent the last 6 years of your life holding this?

Please. You really need to move on now.
Revenge will not change what happened. Do not lose anymore of your life/ dignity to this man.

Hi OP

Please dont post on facebook unless you dont name him or identify him.

It is likely that his friends will believe him and others will think 'well he has been investigated and found innocent' (rather than acknowledging that only 3% of rapes get a conviction so there are thousands of unconvivted rapists) and you will get a load of abuse for 'being bitter and trying to ruin his life's etc which I really dont think is going to help you.

I'm sorry, the whole system is shit

Write it all out by all means then print and take outside (safely) and burn it.
Find a counsellor or nhs talking therapy

And I’m so so sorry. All I can say is it’s not fair and it’s not right
He will get caught eventually but I understand you will fee you wanted justice for yourself but also to stop others getting hurt ☹️

OP, I was in your position almost 3 years ago, the news that nothing was going to be done was hard to take but I made the choice to concentrate on my own mental health and to do that I had to drop it and try to move on. I know the fear of this happening to someone else is awful but you need to concentrate on yourself not what he may do to someone else.

He may have got away with it but it will be on record that he has been accused of sexual assault and if someone else was to accuse him it would be brought back up in court.

I still have anger towards the person that did this too me but it doesn’t take over my life anymore, I just hope one day someone else will come forward and I would happily stand in court and tell my story.

Leave it a few days until the anger has subsided a bit then decide what to do. You may regret anything rash.

Op, I remember your earlier posts, and I fully believe you.

I have no words for the actions of the CPS, in the end its down to money. They will only prosecute if they believe there is a strong chance of conviction.
It stinks. You are entitled to your day in court. But as a pp says, it's a world made by men, for men, and that stinks too.

Revenge as they say, is a dish best served cold. Don't facebook it, don't give him one vapour of your breath by going to see him. Just wait, it will happen and it will happen by his own vile deeds.

Take the best care of yourself my lovely

I think this is truly appalling and deeply worrying as well.I read yesterday that out of 58,000 reported rapes, only 1925 reached a conviction! WTAF is going on here?I feel for you and am at a loss to understand how this keeps on happening .Maybe as others have said here dont post anything in anger in case it rebounds on you .

You're doing the right thing by not writing on Facebook.

That will add to all your worry and no good will come of it.

I'm sorry this isn't leading to a prosecution at the moment but as other have said don't be surprised if you are asked in a few years to give evidence

I'm so sorry that this happened.
But it is currently par for the course - so few cases are coming to court, and the ones that do, most of the accused are getting off. Even the ones who are found guilty are given laughable slap on the wrist sentences.

It's giving rapists free rein to do whatever the fuck they like, since they know that there's a 95%+ chance they'll completely get away with it.

It's all part of the current regime of hate against anyone who isn't a white male - the "fight back" against political correctness, where their fragile masculinity couldn't take that other groups were being given rights to bring them up to being almost equal with the white male - so they've taken back power, and are trying to stamp out any other form of "equality".
Racism, disablism, misogyny, violence against women - all on the rise, and none of it being discouraged by the judicial system, or even (in some cases) the police.

It's fucked - and I'm sorry you've fallen foul of it. :(

Jenosauraus Im sorry to hear of your ordeal at the Dentist .Not the same thing but I was slapped across the face by my Dentist at 11! Too scared to go back ,and didnt tell My Mum straight away as felt it was my fault! She was furious with him .Put me off Dentist s for years .(Have super Latvian lady now )

I'm so sorry, OP. I believe you.

It’s is sad that not many men get convictions, there are a lot of men walking free due to “lack of evidence” and I find it hard now to trust any man.

But the trouble is with rape and sexual abuse is the lack of evidence, it rarely happens in front of anyone so it’s always your word against theirs, unless theirs any scientific evidence (bruising, lab reports, signs of a struggle) then it’s almost impossible to convict someone. Sadly their are people that accuse people of rape so the law has to take this into consideration too. For my case there’s was no evidence other than my work, I was raped by my partner, when it first happened I was too shocked and upset to report it, of course he made me feel it was my fault and promised it would not happen again ☹️. When I eventually reported it (after the 3rd time) it was still my word against his, the police were amazing and they believed me but it wouldn’t have stood up in court as there was no evidence. I was angry when I was informed it wasn’t going to court but another part of me was relieved as I didn’t have to go through a court case being ripped apart, it would have destroyed my mental health even more.

I'm so sorry for all of you who have also been through this. Thank you for your advice and kind words.

I'm settled on what to do now. I'm going to contact him about meeting up tonight. Not for evidence or anything, but for closure. Whether he will or not I don't know. But after that, I draw a line and I crack on with life.

But the trouble is with rape and sexual abuse is the lack of evidence, it rarely happens in front of anyone so it’s always your word against theirs, unless theirs any scientific evidence (bruising, lab reports, signs of a struggle) then it’s almost impossible to convict someone

Even with tonnes of physical evidence, witnesses, etc it is often impossible to secure a conviction. The Ulster Rugby rape trial has significant evidence with no conviction in sight.

Can you make a freedom of information request to get the whole record of your case? (I honestly don’t know if you can, but there must be legal types on MN who can answer this).

It's a subject access request you're thinking of (under data protection legislation)

@Juliette20

What you say isn't right. Yes, the burden of proof in crim8nal cases is beyond reasonable doubt.

However, that test doesn't apply when the CPS are determining whether to prosecute. The test there is simply whether there is "a realistic prospect of conviction"

Encouraging OP to engage in a campaign of defamation risks a libel action (by her rapist) ot prosecution for harassment (by the police).

It's shit

I'm going to contact him about meeting up tonight. Not for evidence or anything, but for closure.

This is a really bad idea. You won't get any sort of closure from meeting a man who sexually assaulted you. Whatever it is you need, he isn't the person to give you it. Don't do it.

Please don’t meet up with him, he’s not going to admit anything, he won’t apologise and you wont get closure. Why would you want to meet up with someone who raped you? The only time I would want to see the man who raped me would be when I’m driving at a fast speed towards him on a dark night.

I totally agree with you teentree

It is the worst idea to think its possible to reason with a rapist.

Its also really poor form to keep telling women who have been raped that its not worth pursuing because of low conviction rates.

Bide your time, gather your evidence, don't share it on here in case of any future proceedings against him.

There will also be people around you at the time that can corroborate your evidence/your state, etc., and your account of the assault is valuable evidence which he might not be able to wriggle out of so long as you get yourself an ace barrister and solicitor who really have a great track record for convictions (many don't)

Have you spoken to WA and Rape Crisis? If not I'd advise you do, soon as possible, they can give you the inside track.

All you will do by meeting him is give him the inside track, or potentially put yourself at further risk. Please do not meet him, you cannot erase this in one face to face with your rapist. You might hope he would admit and apologise, but you know he won't and you will jeopardise your position.