To think that messaging someone at 4am is unreasonable

[Macaroni46]

So I've started chatting to a guy online. He seems very keen. Lots of flowery language, you're so beautiful etc lol but literally had only been messaging a few hours.
Gets to around 11pm I say I'm going to sleep now. Lots of flowery night nights from him but finally the messages stop.
Fast forward to 4.15am. I'm fast asleep and am abruptly woken by a message on my phone. I panic and think something's up with the DC (early 20s) or my ageing dad who's had some health scares recently.
I reply to the guy saying why are you messaging me at this time, you've woken me up? He replies saying what's my problem and he only wanted to wish me a good morning. (Or words to that effect). He goes on to say I should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me and I should apologise for being short with him (I told him I was not happy about being woken up). Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message. I told him I didn't think so and that he'd disrespected my boundaries. I won't be continuing the conversation or meeting him as he sounds unhinged!
I'm now wide awake, fuming cos I'm awake and wondering, this isn't normal is it? I'm not unreasonable for being f'ing furious for being woken in the night (he argued that technically its morning) and for feeling creeped out?

OP sez "From or in his country"?

More like a cutural issue here perhaps?

Mind you I work very late being a creature of the night and I do need to send mails more than texts but these days a lot of people now have e-mail on their mobile so they get an alert bleep letting them know they have a mail that needen't be attanded to until they are up and about or at work.

The system needs a selectable delay in it perhaps?

I have to leave my mobile on 24 hours but if a lady wanted to text in the middle of the night saying just how much she fancied me ,adord me, loved me then fine with me:) but alas i sleep soundly at night Boo-Hoo!:(

Landlines are for pensioners.

Said someone living in London or another big town/city!

Out in the regions, mobile signals are often very patchy. I don't get a mobile signal either in my home or my office. If it wasn't for the landline I'd have no telephone nor broadband at all.

General I havent got an issue with texts being sent late at night. My point of view is that they are sent at the senders convenience and picked up at the readers convenience. I fo put the 'Do not disturb except for....' function on

With regard to your boyfriends response He goes on to say I should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me and I should apologise for being short with him Seriously!!! Fuck that!!!
Absolutely no way. I agree with you, I would be creeped out as well with his response.

As has already been said, I tend to think people turn their phones on silent overnight, or leave them in another room if they don't want to be disturbed. So your reaction was definitely .

However the "you should be grateful..." line; classic. He thinks you should be grateful for his attention. Bin, bin, bin.

And what are these "emergencies" that people are being phone about in the early hours? I've never received a night time "emergency" call in my 50+ years. Am I missing something? Do people really get regular night-time emergencies?

Wouldn't someone call you on your home landline if it was really an emergency that couldn't wait to the morning?

I think as PP have said texting is fine at any time as most people have DND on at night so I wouldn't particularly get worked up about being woken up.

I wouldn't however expect someone I hadn't met to be texting me good morning at that time. He sounds awful and I would block him straight away.

And what are these "emergencies" that people are being phone about in the early hours? I've never received a night time "emergency" call in my 50+ years.

Lucky you. In my 50+ years I've had three such calls. My landline is downstairs and I wouldn't hear it.

It's like asking people not to post you things that arrive on a Wednesday because that's your lie in day and the postman rings the doorbell and sets the dog off.

No.

People can post things when it's convenient to them. You don't get to control that. If you don't want to be disturbed, leave a note for the postman or take the battery out of the doorbell, or put earmuffs on the dog or whatever. Don't start complaining about how rude people are for sending you things "knowing it will result in your sleep being disturbed".

His reaction was a bit strange and rude but before that it seems like he was trying to be nice and put a smile on your face. I used to get sweet message from my boyfriend between 2 and 4 am for when I woke up and yes most of the time it would wake me up but I would read it, smile and go back to sleep. I personally don't see why you had to get into an argument at 4.30 over it why not roll over go back to sleep and wait until a sensible time to message him back..

He's a nut case, dont give out any more info to him. Tell him your new partner is a cage fighter.

YABU to think it's unreasonable to message at 4am for all the reasons people have given already, but YANBU for fuming at his reply. Just as well you found out now what he can be like!

Messaging at 4am on its own isn't entirely unreasonable, i would expect someone to put their phone on silent to go to bed (alarms still go off if relying on that to wake up). His response to you being annoyed is unreasonable.

His reaction was a bit strange and rude but before that it seems like he was trying to be nice and put a smile on your face

What?

He most certainly wasn't trying to be nice. Oh, and it didn't put a smile on the OP's face, either. Nor should it have done.

Good grief, OP. You're lucky he nailed his colours to the mast so early on in the proceedings.

Block this weirdo and be glad you never met up.

4am text wouldn't bother me, but his ridiculous reaction sure would. To the 'tolerant' person here: are you kidding me? I don't know a single girl/woman who'd be ok with his response. 'You should be grateful for my message'? Just FUCK OFF, please! 'Apologize for being rude'? OP is not a toddler, ffs. Prince Charming thinks he's so amazing and the 'little woman' (OP) should be oh so grateful for any scrap of schmaltzy affection his wonderful self graced her with. Her opinion doesn't matter, her being woken up at odd hours doesn't matter, what she wants doesn't matter. Fuck this shit. Much better being alone than with a 'superior' twat like that.

And depression/anxiety is no excuse for cuntish behaviour. I have those (for more than a decade)+PTSD and so do many people. That doesn't mean that the world will suddenly start to spin around me because of it. And it's such an annoying excuse, actually. When you become depressed, you don't suddenly toss all basic good manners out of the window (if you have them, that is).

Normal scenario would go like this: an absent minded guy forgets what time it is and wakes OP up. OP is irritated and lets him know he's woken her up. He apologizes and stops messaging her for the night. Next day, at normal hours, they continue talking. Very simple.

And what are these "emergencies" that people are being phone about in the early hours? I've never received a night time "emergency" call in my 50+ years.
In the last 3 years I have had Ds1 phone because he had a blow out on the motorway at 3.15 in the morning when he was coming home from the airport. He hadn't been driving long and was just 18.

Mum phoned at 1.00am in tears because my brother was found unconscious and was on his way to hospital in a bad way. She was in shock.
More recently I've had Ds1 phone because he had forgotten his key and had only meant to pop up to his friends for a couple of hours and stayed until 1.30! I can cope with that one!

He goes on to say I should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me and I should apologise for being short with him (I told him I was not happy about being woken up). Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message. I told him I didn't think so and that he'd disrespected my boundaries. I won't be continuing the conversation or meeting him as he sounds unhinged!

BIN.

Lucky escape. I hope you don’t hear from him again.

Did you meet this guy via a phishing email?

Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message

RUN

The message itself is not a problem because most people would put their phones on silent overnight. But his response to your comment is a problem.

"in the country I'm from, a woman......."

This is all the red flag you need. Ditch a.s.a.p.

Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message

RUN
⬆️
👍👏👏

He sounds like a cock.
Block him

Well, I don't have my phone in the bedroom so it wouldn't bother me.

He sounds a dick.