To think that messaging someone at 4am is unreasonable

[Macaroni46]

So I've started chatting to a guy online. He seems very keen. Lots of flowery language, you're so beautiful etc lol but literally had only been messaging a few hours.
Gets to around 11pm I say I'm going to sleep now. Lots of flowery night nights from him but finally the messages stop.
Fast forward to 4.15am. I'm fast asleep and am abruptly woken by a message on my phone. I panic and think something's up with the DC (early 20s) or my ageing dad who's had some health scares recently.
I reply to the guy saying why are you messaging me at this time, you've woken me up? He replies saying what's my problem and he only wanted to wish me a good morning. (Or words to that effect). He goes on to say I should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me and I should apologise for being short with him (I told him I was not happy about being woken up). Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message. I told him I didn't think so and that he'd disrespected my boundaries. I won't be continuing the conversation or meeting him as he sounds unhinged!
I'm now wide awake, fuming cos I'm awake and wondering, this isn't normal is it? I'm not unreasonable for being f'ing furious for being woken in the night (he argued that technically its morning) and for feeling creeped out?

Sending a message isn’t unreasonable as you have the option of DND setting

Do people not realise that if an emergency call comes through at night such as an elderly parent being rushed to hospital or a teen in trouble, it may not necessarily come through a number you've saved as a Favourite? It may be from a landline that you don't recognise (such as the hospital!) or it could be from someone else's phone being used to contact you in an emergency situation. And they won't be able to get through.

I'm not sure why it's so hard for some people to have a little consideration and not send messages in the middle of the night unless it's really urgent. If you know someone is a night owl, fair enough. But surely it's just common sense to assume people will be sleeping unless you know otherwise.

Saying all that, I don't understand why the OP started then engaging with the guy who messaged at 4am. I would have been annoyed at being woken up but then at least tried to get back to sleep (although it would have usually taken ages). Bizarre.

Honeybee he's not either family or friend though? He's a random internet person the OP has not met in person. She is NBU.

Romance Scammer you’ve been duped.

Block him. The flowery messages are love bombing and are a massive red flag. His reaction to your complaint about the messages shows you exactly who he is, and it’s not someone nice.

The message itself could be ok if you take into account that most people keep their phone off at night and wouldn’t see it until the morning. It’s his reaction that is so telling.

I'd block him as it's too weird, but why would anyone LET their phone wake them up at night? Investigate the settings ....

How would he have known your phone wasn't on Do Not Disturb or Silent?

I love waking up to a Good Morning message from my DP

What country is he from ?

I put my phone on "do not disturb" so I wouldn't be aware of it anyway. I don't think SENDING the message is at all unreasonable, what IS unreasonable is expecting someone to read it!

But surely, nurses/A&E department should have access to the tel of the next of king as well as landline number of that person?

In an emergency they only have the number that the person involved in the emergency has given them, or which is on the ICE number on their phone, if they're unconscious. Which is likely to be a mobile number as a landline number risks the person not being at home to answer it.

And of course people still don't answer their land lines if it's an unknown number.

RUN!

What an asshole!

Personally I've no issue with people messaging at all hours because my phone is left downstairs and on silent.

BUT his response to you is as clear a warning as you can get.

Maybe your response was a bit OTT, but there are a lot of people who don't like being texted during the night, and in the circumstances you describe, I can well understand why you don't put your phone on a DND setting.

Whether your reaction was OTT or not, this man's response was very unpleasant and full of red flags. At least you found this out early. You should definitely block him.

His reaction is a massive red flag

But you're unreasonable in thinking people shouldn't text in middle of night. Put your phone on silent.

His reaction was ott so I'd nip that one in the bud. But don't most people just turn their phones off at night /leave it in kitchen charging etc? If someone really needs to contact you at daft o'clock they'll call on the real phone, surely?

I think YABVU for complaining about the timing of a message - if messages at night disturb you, turn your phone on silent or set a night mode/DND. I get messages all through the night due to friends/family in different time zones.
But, the guy sounds like a total creep for his response, so block and delete.

So many people don't seem to think that they should have to bother with usual acceptable behaviour. It's ludicrous to suggest that it's someone's fault for not putting their phone on silent rather than someone being a selfish arsehole and thinking that if they're awake, then everyone else should be. I'm normally always awake at that time but wouldn't dream of texting or messaging someone then.

Total red flags in his response and I disagree it could be a lost in translation thing ... what part of what he said could be deemed reasonable?!

Tread carefully OP, my spidey senses are tingling a bit

I think both you and he reacted strange way. Generally I do not see any problem to message at 4 am and assume people who can be woken up by message should put their phone on silent.

To be completely honest if I was him after your reaction I would have just stopped messaging you altogether and blocked you.

However his reaction is also very strange and I wouldn't talk to such person too.

So in conclusion you both better off without each other.

"Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message."

Remind him you're not from the same country as him. What odd logic from him.

He doesn't sound like a keeper sorry op. Yanbu.

I'm up at 4am 6 days a week at work. I often send early morning messages but only to people who I know will have their phone on silent. I keep my mobile on silent 24/7 anyway because otherwise it annoys me. I deal with messages as and when I get around to it. I live in an area with dreadful phone signal so if anyone needs to get hold of me urgently then they either call my landline (included with BT Internet) or WhatsApp me which is set to over ride silent mode on my phone.

I do find this man's reaction to your message a bit odd. If I inadvertently woke someone up by sending an early message then I would apologise profusely and make a point of not messaging them early again. Having a go about a grumpy message when you have just woken someone up is a strange reaction.

Also I totally get why you wouldn't want to put your phone on silent. For example, you might want one of your grown up children to be able to contact you at any time (as you did say in your original post your initial reaction was to think it was them).

Aaahhh so have now RTFT. Good move OP, he sounds odd at best and a bit of a psycho at worse.

Loving the replies which only tell you YABU for getting cross at being woke up but no acknowledgement you were possibly woken by Sleeping With the Enemy himself

Screams scammer to me. If not - nutter, lovebomber, future faker, potential controlling arse.

Sorry op, just RTFT! Sounds like a wise move!

Lol. Landlines are for pensioners.

What utter bollocks. I don't know anyone who doesn't have a landline.

I contact most of my friends via text or Facebook so I don't know if they have landlines.

Curiously, when we tried to discontinue our landline, my DSis (late 40s) was the one who complained the loudest about it, as she was worried that she wouldn't be able to contact me in an emergency. (But then, they do live on the Isle of Wight, where mobile coverage is very unreliable.

Whereas my DM, who is 80, is quite happy to just call my mobile. It really isn't just about age.