To think that messaging someone at 4am is unreasonable

[Macaroni46]

So I've started chatting to a guy online. He seems very keen. Lots of flowery language, you're so beautiful etc lol but literally had only been messaging a few hours.
Gets to around 11pm I say I'm going to sleep now. Lots of flowery night nights from him but finally the messages stop.
Fast forward to 4.15am. I'm fast asleep and am abruptly woken by a message on my phone. I panic and think something's up with the DC (early 20s) or my ageing dad who's had some health scares recently.
I reply to the guy saying why are you messaging me at this time, you've woken me up? He replies saying what's my problem and he only wanted to wish me a good morning. (Or words to that effect). He goes on to say I should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me and I should apologise for being short with him (I told him I was not happy about being woken up). Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message. I told him I didn't think so and that he'd disrespected my boundaries. I won't be continuing the conversation or meeting him as he sounds unhinged!
I'm now wide awake, fuming cos I'm awake and wondering, this isn't normal is it? I'm not unreasonable for being f'ing furious for being woken in the night (he argued that technically its morning) and for feeling creeped out?

I have a landline, I live rural and my mobile signal isn’t always great.

Harsh words Ribrabrob. You have no idea why I left my marriage and most likely you haven't read my updates.
In real life I am actually far from dramatic.
I hope you never have to face the decision I did - leave an unhappy abusive relationship and risk being alone. Yes I am single right now and would hope at some point in the future to be part of a couple again. But comments like yours are unkind, unnecessary and hurtful.

No one has landlines surely? I am 37, left home in 2003 and have never had one. Always just used my mobile.

Let me guess? You live in London or another city/large town??

Nope. This ringing all sorts of alarm bells for me. Bin it off.

No one has landlines surely? I am 37, left home in 2003 and have never had one. Always just used my mobile.

Genuinely, I don't know anyone without a landline. Nothing to do with age but more likely location. Plenty of people live rurally (I do) where the mobile signal isn't great. Our WiFi drops out regularly.

Genuinely, I don't know anyone without a landline.

Me neither. And I do live reasonably rurally, but mobile signals are fine here.

Apparently only 14% of the UK population DON'T have a landline. That rises to 30% among the under 30's. So, however you look at it, the vast majority of the population have a land line.

Macaroni - I was single for several years. I'd got to the stage in my 40s where I thought I was just always going to be single. As such, I had a nice life and got on with it. Being single can be great and it's definitely better than being in a shit relationship.

Then I met someone just right for me, when I wasn't expecting it, and it's great. Ignore the doomsayers. People aren't single because they're mad, or dramatic, or difficult. Very often it's because they're in between relationships, or because they're picky, or it's not a priority for them or they haven't met the right person at the right time.

I don’t have a landline. I’m over 40.

Wtf?
I have to organise my nights by adjusting My phone to stop selfish idiots txting me at all hours and thinking it's Ok because what they have to say is so important it can't wait?

Sod off! use your common sense and don't txt in the wee small hours when you Know others are asleep.

The sense of entitlement I this country is getting more ridiculous by the day. You don't get to dictate how others live just to suit you whether you like it of not.

Only a very unreasonable, inconsiderate knob-end would text at 4am unless it's an emergency. YADNBU OP.

Apparently only 14% of the UK population DON'T have a landline. That rises to 30% among the under 30's. So, however you look at it, the vast majority of the population have a land line.

And there we have it. All those who say that only pensioners have landlines are guilty of making massive generalisations.

The reality is that you probably don't know who has landlines. I don't normally give people my landline, as I communicate with most of my friends and family via WhatsApp or Facebook.

I have a landline that’s paid for with my internet. But no phone plugged in. I’d think the majority of under 40s (or so) would be the same!

Crikey some of you are very dramatic about the 4 seconds, if that, it takes to put your phone on silent before you go to sleep. On most phones, it's a simple switch on the side. It's more effort to complain here than do that!

However OP it sounds like his 4am message may be a blessing in disguise and you're well rid!

you were unreasonable for complaining about the messaging - as others have said, you could easily take precautions to stop yourself being woken up.

but then he was unreasonable to say you "...should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me... in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message." also, being told you're beautiful by a near stranger is really weird.

i'd suggest nipping this one in the bud.

Crikey some of you are very dramatic about the 4 seconds, if that, it takes to put your phone on silent before you go to sleep. On most phones, it's a simple switch on the side. It's more effort to complain here than do that!

You can schedule 'do not disturb' to come on automatically so you can save yourself those precious seconds.

I've got my iPhone set up for the same times each night - Favorites can call
Whenever and if an unknown number tries to call repeatedly then the call
will go through. Ie if it's an emergency call then the caller can get through.

I'm pretty sure you can set it up the same way on Android. It takes moments and it's easy.

I would never have thought people were too daft not to set it up but having been a Mumsnetter for some time I know not to send texts or emails at night.

Why should I have to change settings on my own phone to.stop idiots texting me at stupid o clock?

Get over yourselves. I keep my phone on for a reason it's nobody else's business why nor should anyone have to excuse thier own phone being on overnight.

I have never in my life needed to unplug my landline to stop idiots calling me at 4am to tell me something completely unimportant at that time of the night. Why is it so different not to txt someone at that time? Why is it so important that you must send messages to someone you know will be asleep just because you can?

Crikey some of you are very dramatic about the 4 seconds, if that, it takes to put your phone on silent before you go to sleep.
I don't put my phone on silent. If people need to contact me in an emergency, at whatever time they can. The only precaution people need to take to prevent being woken up is to block fuckwits with such a sense of self importance that they think their messages can't wait until a reasonable hour. The OP has blocked her fuckwit now.

Personally 4am is too early for me. 7am/8am is fine. Then again alot of people put their phone on silent and so will reply when theyre up and ready. If he was bored/wide awake and it was a one off then fine. However his response as a whole is a bit weird. Id feel the same as you

Willow2017

Ironically, your posts reek of your own self importance

Crikey some of you are very dramatic about the 4 seconds, if that, it takes to put your phone on silent before you go to sleep. On most phones, it's a simple switch on the side. It's more effort to complain here than do that!

I would never have thought people were too daft not to set it up but having been a Mumsnetter for some time I know not to send texts or emails at night.

As has been explained repeatedly, it's not the time it takes to put your phone on silent, it's that for various reasons not everybody wants their phone on silent.

And again, as has been explained repeatedly, not everybody wants to use the DND function, or can. My phone is too old to have it. Even with it I'd be wary, in case someone wanted to get hold of me urgently and they were trying to do so on a number I didn't know.

It's funny how often people are explaining this and how many people respond with 'why don't you just put it on DND or silent, you're stupid if you don't'. There seems to be a strangely high correlation between people who think it's fine to text at whatever time they choose, and people who don't actually communicate all that well.

Macaroni46
A friend of mine had a very similar experience. It was like the "guy" never slept, he was supposed to be an American who lived in the Philippines but had connections to London. Became very abusive if she tried to stop chatting, couldn't trace the numbers or emails (where it originated from), very creepy. Get rid asap.

I think it’s ok to message in the early hours - if you have something g you need/want to say - my presumption would always be that phone goes into auto silent unless it’s an actual phone call. I’m a genuine emergency it would be usual to get a call not a text or email.
I’m sure he thought that you wake in the morning to a nice message. Your reaction was over the top imo.

He probably didn't think you would see it until the morning. I never keep my mobile phone in my bedroom at night.

A lot of people now don't have a phone line just a mobile. I still use my house phone for calling parent and shops to make enquiries.