Using fork in right hand, knife in left..

[AG29]

I am aware it’s meant to be the other way round but I feel most comfortable with my fork in right hand and knife in left. The opposite feels uncomfortable and I was never taught any different growing up. It’s never caused me too many problems. I generally have good table manners.

My OH’s mum is a bit of a nightmare in general. If we eat there (not often thankfully but Christmas next week). She has told me to swap hands before but I don’t feel comfortable that way. To the point I avoid eating there as much as possible. OH reminds me to eat with fork in left if we are going over there too and I’m sick of being spoke to like a child.

Aibu to think they should just leave it be? Does it really matter. It’s not like I’m eating with my bloody hands!

That reminds me of a Spike Milligan poem, BlaueLagune

I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
It makes the peas taste funny
But it keeps them on the knife

My dad is stickler for table manners, but he sets the table for my (left handed) husband the opposite way to the rest of us (right handed).
his reasoning is that table manners are there to make eating pleasant for everyone on the table - and using your utensils one way or the other does not make a difference, being clumsy and potentially eating messily does.
he would never accept things like licking a knife,hates if people hold the fork with a fist etc

Hence, you can sneer at the pearl clutchers all you want, but their kids aren't going to be embarrassed on a formal works occasion by not knowing which is the soup spoon or sniggered at because they hold cutlery in the wrong hand/like a pencil.

Lucky for me then that my colleagues aren't twats.

I hate it because I basically hate everything that obviously goes against table etiquette.
I can’t stand it either when people chew loudly or with their mouths open, scrape their plates for the last bit of food, don’t turn away from the table when they have to sneeze etc.
As I mentioned before, I think it’s more rude to tell someone off over such behavior then doing the behavior itself hence why I won’t say anything but I still hate witnessing it.

But WHY does it go against table etiquette? It’s not messy; it doesn’t cause issues for other diners. Are you perhaps picturing something else when people talk about eating left handed? All it means is eating with the cutlery in the opposite hands.

Would you also be horrified to see someone writing with their left hand? If not, what is the difference?

Sorry- the first paragraph is meant to be a quote!

Good to know that the MN jury have decided i’m Rude, uneducated and unable to perform complex tasks....

Good to know that my cutlery-holding supersedes the fact that i’m A PhD educated academic who performs surgery and regularly interacts with MPs, diplomats etc at formal events. I must remember that my fork holding should be holding me back in life!

Fortunately I suspect i’m Unlikely to meet any of the type of people who prioritise cutlery-handedness over actual skill and achievement in my line of work - In my experience snobbery, narrow-mindedness and judgement is much more success- limiting than cutlery!

Niece struggled with traditional way round and then i told her to switch and she never looked back

It isn't important but i can't understand how people are asking why is it offensive? This is the UK, feeling minor, unspoken offense at inoffensive things are our bread and butter

I offered someone my left hand to shake the other day cos my right hand was covered in oil and matey was nearly sick on me he looked so disgusted

I use my cutlery like this . I tried to change hands then realised I didn’t have to . Years ago children were forced to write with their right hands so I see it as an extension of that . Some people just find it easier and let’s face it , it’s a minor irritation in the grand scheme of things .

I love how it's rude to use cutlery in certain hands.

Once upon a time people used to say writing with your left hand was wrong.

People are SO rude. I do this & I would be rude to someone who corrected me.

Just be yourself and everyone will love you for it. Even your mother in law

Doesn't really matter does it? I'm right handed and wear my watch on my right hand which also "isn't correct" I don't care

I eat with my right hand so obviously makes sense to use the knife in the left hand. If anyone criticises me I am just going to use my hands and piss them off even more.

Hence, you can sneer at the pearl clutchers all you want, but their kids aren't going to be embarrassed on a formal works occasion by not knowing which is the soup spoon or sniggered at because they hold cutlery in the wrong hand/like a pencil.

Do people like this really exist? ffs

I have essential tremors so bend my head down low to biwls of soup, full cups etc so as not to spill and hold my knife like a pen as it gives me better control.

It might not be correct 'etiquette' but the alternative is everyone getting covered in soup/wine/coffee/whatever when I inevitably sling it everywhere so I make no apologies for my uncouthness.

(I also actually favour eating American style, chopping food first then switching the fork to my right hand for eating)

As @Disfordarkchocolate said, it's bad manners to comment on other people's' manners, and the worst thing a host could do is to make their guest feel uncomfortable by calling them out on this. If your mother wants an etiquette war with you, she's the one losing!

@bookworm14

I agree that it’s a strange petty hate on my behalf.
I think it’s because my mum has drilled table etiquette into us (even though sometimes she does really impolite things at the table, which give me the rage).

As a result I know perfectly well how to use which cuterly when, how etc. but I feel annoyed when others make mistakes. It even annoys me when I am going out with friends and eating sushi, they don’t bother to eat with chopsticks but ask for a fork and knife instead. Though you’ll have to torture me before I would admit this to anyone in real life because I know how superficial and judgemental it sounds, I just can’t help feeling that way. You can blame my upbringing

She sounds like a piece of work and your OH doesn't sound much better.

I'm ambidextrous to a point. I can write with either hand. Some things I can only do right handed, some things I can only do left handed and using cutlery is the latter. I come from a family who are sticklers for table manners and nobody has ever, ever commented on it.

What a peculiar thing to be offended about.

I feel a bit sorry for people who a) would notice how someone uses cutlery and b) would be bothered by it. Go and find a hobby guys!

I would make a right mess with my food with my fork in my left hand - I have always eaten left handed, wear my watch on my left wrist & iron left handed - i'm not left handed just find it more comfortable this way.

you wouldn't ask a left handed person to start writing with their right hand would you.

HoneyBee85 But it’s not a mistake - unless you think writing with your left hand is also a mistake. You’re treating it as an etiquette breach along the same lines as chewing with your mouth open or burping at the table - those are rightly seen as rude because they are unpleasant for other diners. Holding your knife in the left hand, but otherwise eating correctly and tidily, is in no real sense a breach of etiquette.

If it's not etiquette then why is there a standard way to do a place setting?

@bookworm14

I haven’t said holding your fork in ‘the wrong hand’ is the same kind of mistake as chewing loudly etc. I said it both annoys me.

I think I know why we might have a different opinion on this. I was taught European table etiquette. I just copied and pasted from Wikipedia: the article says the British colonists brought the American style to the US, so perhaps in Britain these days still follow the same protocol?

When used in conjunction with a knife to cut and consume food in Western social settings, two forms of fork etiquette are common. In the European style, the diner keeps the fork in his or her left hand, while in the American style the fork is shifted between the left and right hands. The American style is most common in the United States,[1] but the European style is considered proper in other countries.[2][3]

Originally, the traditional European method, once the fork was adopted as a utensil, was to transfer the fork to the right hand after cutting food, as it had been considered proper for all utensils to be used with the right hand only. This tradition was brought to America by British colonists and is still in use in the United States. Europe adopted the more rapid style of eating in relatively modern times.

But I’m not talking about the American style- I’m talking about keeping the knife in the left hand and fork in the right throughout, not swapping hands. Is this the root of the misunderstanding?

PriscillaTheHun
I'm with your MIL on this one. I'm amazed when people don't have basic good table manners (which includes holding knife and fork correctly)

However, because I have good manners, I would never criticise someone or make them uncomfortable for it.

So are good manners about imposing a right-handed concept of the world onto other people in the certain belief that your way is the correct way? If it is natural for a right-hander to do one thing then it is equally natural for a left-hander to do the opposite. Seems to be some confusion between good manners and your lack of courtesy.