Using fork in right hand, knife in left..

[AG29]

I am aware it’s meant to be the other way round but I feel most comfortable with my fork in right hand and knife in left. The opposite feels uncomfortable and I was never taught any different growing up. It’s never caused me too many problems. I generally have good table manners.

My OH’s mum is a bit of a nightmare in general. If we eat there (not often thankfully but Christmas next week). She has told me to swap hands before but I don’t feel comfortable that way. To the point I avoid eating there as much as possible. OH reminds me to eat with fork in left if we are going over there too and I’m sick of being spoke to like a child.

Aibu to think they should just leave it be? Does it really matter. It’s not like I’m eating with my bloody hands!

DeRigueurMortis are you seriously saying, as we enter the 3rd decade of the 21st century that you would judge someone for holding their knife and fork the opposite way round to the norm?

You do realise that 10% of the population are left-handed and then some are sort of "mixed". My son writes with his right hand and holds his knife and fork in the traditiional way but kicks and catches balls with his left foot and hand. And my mother holds her knife and fork the other way round. Struggling to see how on earth it can be an "etiquette" issue.

Those who go on about etiquette clearly have major self-esteem issues if they feel they have to put people down because they don't do things the Victorian way. As long as someone isn't making a mess I really don't care what they do.

Strangestthing indeed, old ways are not always the best but they leave a long legacy.

Your MIL is being ridiculous. I do think children need to be told how to use cutlery effectively though, my dc had to be told because they were using it badly, eg putting their fork in, putting the knife on it and then dragging with the fork rather than cutting with the knife. Or they’re trying to eat a huge piece off their fork (cavemanning) or getting their fingers in etc. It’s actually difficult to use them effectively so I have spent a lot of time telling the kids and I do think it’s possible
to form bad habits when younger.
As long as it’s effective and not messy it shouldn’t matter.

Damn, can't edit. I meant to type I wouldn't judge. Not would judge. The last sentence, where I use the term 'breeding' (specifically in inverted commas) and others is in relation to previous comments through the thread. To clarify, I'd merely notice and be surprised, wouldn't judge and don't care.

And I don't have a silver spoon up my chuff, it's in my right hand, as it should be

I don't think it matters what hand you hold the knife and fork in. What I think is judged is if you appear to be struggling to cut food correctly, to push it on to the fork and then into your mouth. I can remember my parents saying that teaching a child to eat in a socially acceptable way was just part of education and would mean that you would never feel out of place in any walks of society

I don't understand why anyone would even notice how someone else holds their cutlery, as long as they use it where it's appropiate then what does it matter?
I'm right handed so i hold my knife in my right hand, my husband is left handed so he holds his knife in his left hand.
You need to tell your husband and MIL to back the hell off before they end up wearing said cutlery.

Eating with family in the privacy of your home is supposed to be a relaxing, happy and enjoyable experience, it really really doesn't matter how you hold the cutlery as long as you eat.

If your mil is so preoccupied with how you hold your knife & fork, I'd take it one step further to properly piss her off and insist on eating every course with a spoon.

My husband does this, his sibling don't and he's not left-handed or anything, he just finds it more comfortable.

Hence, you can sneer at the pearl clutchers all you want, but their kids aren't going to be embarrassed on a formal works occasion by not knowing which is the soup spoon or sniggered at because they hold cutlery in the wrong hand/like a pencil.

funnily enough holding my knife in my left hand has had no impact on my ability to correctly identify a soup spoon... (And despite the implication of some posters that I must have grown up in an environment where I didn't eat at a table or encounter formal dining, we always are around a table as a child and I went to a university with regular formal dining opportunities. Not only can I identify the soup spoon, I also know which way to pass the port.)

Would not knowing your soup spoon be a bad thing then? It’s all part of the same thing isn’t it?

I really hate it when people do this but it would never ever cross my mind to tell someone off for eating like that.

That’s a lot more rude then not using your fork and knife in line with official etiquette IMO.

Hence, you can sneer at the pearl clutchers all you want, but their kids aren't going to be embarrassed on a formal works occasion by not knowing which is the soup spoon or sniggered at because they hold cutlery in the wrong hand/like a pencil.

I've been to more formal dining functions than i can count (military) including dining with dignitaries and such. I don't care one jot what anyone thinks of my cutlery holding habits.They can snigger or go into an all out tear inducing belly laugh for all i care.
Most of my food is eaten with a racing spoon anyway.
Surprise as it may be, i know my soup spoon from my desert spoon.

Grief, which hand you hold your cutlery in really should not be considered when one is wondering if a guest is polite or not. Why on earth is it 'impolite' to do it the other way around?? Ridiculous. So long as you're not throwing food or licking the plate OP you're doing fine. Ignore your nasty MIL.

But WHY do you hate it, honeybee85? Please explain it to me using very simple words.

I'm amazed. How is it a thing for someone to hold their cutlery left handed rather than right handed? In etiquette it isn't - if you care about that rubbish.

Using cutlery in a way that means you eat messily is something completely different.

@WorraLiberty, well you use the knife like you would a saw. When I saw (wood for our log burner) I use my right hand, because I’m right handed. It’s the same action. You’re doing more work with the knife (cutting and pushing) than you are holding and lifting the fork.
I don’t understand why that’s difficult to work out?

Well it's difficult to work out because A.) That wouldn't necessarily work for left handed people and B.) It still doesn't explain why it's rude to hold it in whatever hand feels more comfortable, does it?

Not read all 13 pages about cutlery holding but it was quite a long time (years maybe) before I noticed that my right handed husband ate with his knife and fork in the other hands. Call me unobservant. I'm still married to him so it's clearly not affected our relationship too much. I still automatically lay the cutlery down the 'normal' way so the poor chap has to swap it every time, although he never complains about it.

I agree that teaching children good table manners is important and that includes how to use a knife and fork effectively but I really won't care which hands either of my children use to hold their cutlery with, as long as they actually use them!

My late FIL, my DH and my BIL all ate/eat like this

Didn’t stop FIL progressing through military ranks just fine. Hasn’t impacted DH’s career at all and BIL’s military career is going just fine

The only person I’ve ever known mention it to DH was a sneery cow who thought she was akin royalty with get correct etiquette bollocks. Funnily enough everyone there judged her poor manners and hosting far more than they did DH

Far better someone eats neatly and comfortably than makes a mess or feels uncomfortable just because of an old “rule”

@BennyTheBall

Explain please:

Whilst it's patently too late for the OP, I don't get people saying they've not taught their children table manners which of course, includes proper cutlery use

Why is it ‘manners’ to have your knife and fork in the other hand?

@DancingPyjamas what’s a racing spoon?!

@bookworm14

I hate it because I basically hate everything that obviously goes against table etiquette.
I can’t stand it either when people chew loudly or with their mouths open, scrape their plates for the last bit of food, don’t turn away from the table when they have to sneeze etc.
As I mentioned before, I think it’s more rude to tell someone off over such behavior then doing the behavior itself hence why I won’t say anything but I still hate witnessing it.

Wow, can't believe some of the judgey-pants on here! Why on earth is it to do with 'table manners'? Why does it bother anyone how others choose to hold their cutlery?!?!

I do it the 'wrong way' and cannot believe there are people in society who would look down on me for how I hold my knife and fork. It's not like I hold my fork with my right hand and start poking everyone around me with said fork. My hands, my cutlery, my food - no-one else's business.

Get off your high horses people, and get a grip FFS.

I really hate it when people do this but it would never ever cross my mind to tell someone off for eating like that

But why do you care? Do you hate people who write with their left hands too?

Absolutely bizarre attitudes on here. I think this thread wins the MN prize for the most ridiculous judgey prejudices ever.

I can’t stand it either when people chew loudly or with their mouths open

That is rather different from someone holding their knife and fork in the opposite hands to "normal".

A lot of you would hate and judge me, too because I don't chase my peas around the plate with a fork and shove them onto the back of my fork, I turn it round and use it like a shovel!

Now there's a bit of judgeyness you can indulge in.

Still not sure how on earth it affects anyone else, mind you.

I hold and use my knife and fork correctly; not like a pen and I don’t scoop, stab, or lick the knife. I know the correct ones to use for each course. I behave impeccably at the table. I just do it in a mirror image. If this makes you clutch your pearls, so be it! :-)