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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

UCAS utterly unfair

626 replies

Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 18:25

My third child is filling out his UCAS form and as happened with his sister he has to put the highest earner in the household on the form, which will affect his loan, this isn’t me it’s my DH who is not father to any of my children.

He is still paying maintenance for his own children and is not financially responsible for mine, how on earth is this fair?

OP posts:
Poorboy136 · 17/12/2019 20:06

It does seem unfair but in a positive side, I managed to do a degree whilst working about 20 hours a week for the first year. I took two years out and had my first DC so when I wasn’t looking after DC I was at uni.

What I’m saying is, it’s manageable. It’s shit that it’s that way but I’m sure if your DC got a part time job he’ll still do well. Might even give him even more determination to think it never want to be on the minimum wage and struggle’ good luck to him x

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 20:07

I think when it comes to children in step parent relationships finances are very tricky.

I don’t think it’s fair to ask DH to skint ourselves to support my DS.

OP posts:
sandragreen · 17/12/2019 20:07

Well yes the loan system is crap.

However I do think if you are married then you and DH should be combining finances to support DS through uni.

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 20:09

However I do think if you are married then you and DH should be combining finances to support DS through uni

I disagree.

What if we weren’t married?

And we can’t actually afford it either, or to make the same offer to our other 5 children.

OP posts:
MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 17/12/2019 20:09

The Op has said repeatedly the finances aren't there. And her son is now an adult. So he has supported her children through their childhood.

Solihooley · 17/12/2019 20:10

It’s unfair. The other thing that drives me crazy are the families where parents have separated, kids live with (usually mum) who is low earning thus qualifying for full finance. High earning fathers. I know several families where this is the case and the fathers have been very high earners and involved in kids lives (different if they are completely errant).

MyDcAreMarvel · 17/12/2019 20:11

he’s not their parent and he has never been financially responsible for my children.
He has been your children’s step father since they were young and does not provide for them? That’s really sad.

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 20:12

He has provided for them (as well as I have and their fathers have).

Putting someone through Uni is a little different.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 20:14

And actually how sad that his father can’t Hmm

OP posts:
noideaatallreally · 17/12/2019 20:14

So he will have to support your children through uni but not his own. In the end this is neither a plus nor a loss - no?

Poorboy136 · 17/12/2019 20:14

I’m shocked that things seem to have changed so much regarding finances.

When I was there a few years ago, those that had parents that were ‘well off’ got the same amount but the ration of loan to grant was higher. I could see the fairness in that as it meant those that came from poorer backgrounds were helped with higher grants.

Have they completed slashed the loans now too? It was only ever the grants that were means tested, anyone could get a loan though.

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 20:15

We can’t afford to put any of he children through Uni.

It’s not a crime!

OP posts:
ThemoonisanAmericanism · 17/12/2019 20:16

You get full tuition but a smaller maintenance loan if you live in a high income household and don’t have younger siblings.

Nancydrawn · 17/12/2019 20:18

If you have five children, it was probably going to be quite tight either way. However, the finance office should take this into account, at least in part, when you go to apply for funds. Do they not have a dummy calculator where you can put in the amounts and they can estimate a payment?

Butchyrestingface · 17/12/2019 20:19

Will your son be living at home during uni, OP? Will you be charging rent? If not, that’s a maintenance of sorts.

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 20:20

We have six children, 3 each.

3 are adults and do not live at home, DD is paying for her own OU.

2 youngest live with their mother.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 20:21

No he doesn’t want to stay at home.

OP posts:
Gizmo79 · 17/12/2019 20:21

I will not be supporting any of my children through university.
If they want to live at home and study locally then yes, obviously free bed and board, but otherwise no. Sorry, but I am not getting into more debt to support adults. There are plenty of other options which will provide young adults with university choices if that is what they are so keen for, if not then apprenticeships are very good and so is getting a job.
Many degrees are not worth it, and don’t earn the graduate enough.
Armed forces are an employer that will often support those financially in relevant degrees for a decent amount.
Yes, it sounds harsh, but these are adults, not young children.

Cluckyandconfused · 17/12/2019 20:22

Step families can be utterly shit to grow up in for many reasons but the student finance issue really was the kick in the teeth for me as I entered adulthood.
Ideally, you marry someone and finances are combined into ‘family funds’. In reality, most stepparents do not consider you their responsibility so you end up with no family support AND less government support too.

MadameButterface · 17/12/2019 20:24

there’s so many social inequalities atm i just can’t get too pressed about children with wealthy stepdads not getting max student loans tbh, call me callous

Nancydrawn · 17/12/2019 20:25

Sorry! Meant five others.

I had been a bit confused as you said that you couldn't afford to put any through uni, but it looks like more than half are adults. Does that mean that there are just three looking to go to uni? (Your daughter, your son, and the youngest?)

Not that it matters for the core question--just being practical re: what kind of multiple-child discount you might be receiving.

Stillabitemo · 17/12/2019 20:25

It’s a really unfair system there’s no two ways around that. However it is the system and it won’t change. So here’s what he can do

  • live at home and live cheaply.
  • work for a year first to save up.
  • look at university bursaries and scholarships to see if there’s anything he could access to make it work financially
Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 20:27

He’s not “wealthy” Shock

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 17/12/2019 20:30

I agree OP that its a bit mad.

But i also understand why the govt has to restrict access even to "loans."

Its because they aren't real loans. There's no other debt that you only repay if you can afford it, that gets written off if not repaid by a certain age.

A huge proportion of student loan finance gets written off which costs the govt a fortune.

If they provided unrestricted "borrowing" to anyone with no means test, it would cost the government even more.

Butchyrestingface · 17/12/2019 20:30

If they want to live at home and study locally then yes, obviously free bed and board, but otherwise no

That’s what I got. It obviously impacted on my choice of university but I preferred to live at home than saddle myself with shit tonnes of debt just for the experience.

Assuming that OP’s son has the option of attending a university within travelling distance of home, but has decided he doesn’t want to - well, that’s a choice he’s making.