AIBU to lie to people about this?

[hatelivinglikethis]

I’ve considered having rhinoplasty done, I hate my nose and always have since I was a child, I’m 30 now. I got bullied because of it, I don’t have any pictures of myself, I never take pictures unless I have to such as passport/driving license/work. At every social gathering when the group wants to take pictures I always avoid it, I’ve saved up for years to have this surgery but I’m just worried what people will think? I practice a religion where any cosmetic surgery is not allowed unless necessary. But I have decided to do it anyway, I can’t live like this anymore. It affects my mental health, I don’t want to go out or do anything because of it. I’m only 30, I don’t want to live the rest of my life feeling like this. I want to enjoy my life and do stuff, but the way I feel about my nose keeps me from doing anything.

It’s going to change the way I look dramatically, and I just don’t know what to say to people. I’ve thought of lying, saying I had a accident and that resulted in a deviated septum etc. I also want to have it done in USA, I found a great surgeon who’s got a lot of experience creating the type of nose I want. How on earth do I explain this? It’s one thing having an accident and going for surgery in London, but abroad? Nobody’s going to buy that. Please help, don’t know what to do.

If someone told me they'd had a deviated septum, I'd assume
childhood/adult snoring
Breathing difficulties
Sinus problems
Pain
Sleep apnoea

Cocaine habit. No of not assume it at all. Only if that came up as an issue

If it's that bad people will forget understand if you simply say you've hated it so fixed it.
If it's not that bad but you have fixed on it as the problem then they probably will know you changed something but not what or fixing your nose won't change anything for you.

Don't say anything but if people ask I'd tell them the truth. Nose jobs are a very normal thing to have done. If you lie then people will still think you have had a nose job plus they will also think you are embarrassed about it and that you are a liar!

You have worked to pay for this. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's a nose job that's all 💁🏻‍♀️

Surely no one would believe the deviated septum story even if it were true 😂😂

Good for you for having it done. I hate my nose and I'm getting too old to change it now. It also appears more prominent as you get older, so great that you're doing it now. Unfortunately I honestly think people treat you differently as bigger noses are associated with negative qualities in women - they always make witches have big noses for instance and you rarely see a model with anything other than a tiny nose.

To be honest people may talk about it for a bit post-op but then not think about it six months later. I'd probably tell my close friends/family but no one else and people may even just think you look good without really knowing why. If they ask you can be honest but not talk about it more than that, it's none of their business! And no one with a normal nose can know what it's like. Unlike small boobs or a big bum, you really can't disguise your nose!!!

I've got a deviated septum that causes me some breathing problems, my GP told me it's a relatively common birth injury not the result of a coke habit! He said that most people don't realise they have one unless it causes problems which makes sense I suppose.

You broke your nose (that will need a bit of explanation but people do break noses so look up some stories), and it had to be reset or something. Usually, if someone does break their nose, they have to wait until the swelling goes down before surgery so you will need to book adequate time off work. You can go back to work after you've recovered from the op and still have some swelling and bruising, everyone will feel sorry for you. Eventually you can say it was a blessing in disguise, you prefer how you look now. Don't have drastic changes - you've said you don't intend to have a big appearance change.

I hope you are going to see a really good rhinoplasty person. If you're in London I can recommend.

Good luck, it's no one's business but yours. However, if you do lie keep it brief and remember what you've said.

People ask is there something different about you?
Answer yes for medical reasons I had a nose job
Oh why?
Side tilt....medical reasons....

Mental health is a valid medical condition, you believe it will help your mental health thus your having it for medical reasons.

StrangeLookingParasite Good grief there's two of them

That's exactly what I thought 😂

I really must speak to DH tomorrow re his deviated septum and the coke habit he didn't know about

I thought a deviated septum was a "Friendism"

You could definitely get this on the NHS op.

Why would you have it done? For your health - your mental health. As Brigid says, hospitals understand the awful toll on mental health when something about our body seriously impacts our life.

Plus you'd get appropriate psychological support here.

You're taking a big step, going against your culture and your religion. You're going to need psychological support

Deviated septum - Rachel, Friends. And yes, it was an excuse for rhinoplasty.

OP, I really think you can put the religious objections to bed, given what else you've done in your life! No judgement - at all - just, I mean, come on.

As for the surgery, just own it.

Most people won't notice, and IME, you save yourself a world of speculation and gossip, when you're just upfront, honest and brief about things.

You're taking a big step, going against your culture and your religion.

A bigger step than divorce?

Or childbirth outside marriage, if they were only partners?!

Slightly tangential, but as someone who had a life changing diagnosis. Op, its entirely your choice who you tell, when what and how much.

Some people go all out. Other people prefer to fly below the radar. Or somewhere in between.

Most people won't mention it until you do. Others will say the fucking wierdest things.

The more important questions are focusing on the risks, the procedure, the recovery, your expectations, why you are doing this, which you've alluded to although appreciate wasn't purpose of your post. Ensure you have a counsellor throughout. If you can invest the money in the surgery, you can invest the money in ensuring your welfare.

Just say you had to do it for health reason, and if they try to find out what, just say you don't want to hear all the grotty details. It had to be done, a person you know had it done with a specific surgeon who lives in the States and that with all the horror stories and even tv series about botched surgery, you put your faith in this one.

And citing health reasons is not a lie as it affecting your mental health, so on the religion front, you are at peace.

My brother's philosophy when you know people are talking about you is to tell everyone you meet a different version, so they get confused in their story telling lol. I like it.

People will speculate no matter what you tell them. Say you had breathing difficulties if it makes you feel better, but don't necessarily expect them to believe you. It's your business though, not theirs. You don't owe them an explanation.

Good luck with the op, I hope you are thrilled with the result.

a friend had a similar operation about 30 years ago - I knew, and visited her in hospital, & helped out when she was at home.
She went to huge lengths to make up stories about why she was away/npt around for a few weeks, and was obsessed pre and post op about how it looked.
Frankly, made sod all difference - I'd never thought about her having a wierd nose before, and she really didn't look that different afterwards - but she felt different about her nose afterwards.
Sadly a few months later, she started obsessing about something else (her knees). It was such a shame, she was a stunning woman with an amazing figure, who always looked about twenty years younger than she was. I think she had face/body dysmorphia, and would never have been content with her looks. I really miss her.

Good luck with your op, I hope that it brings you the peace and satisfaction that you seek.

So disagree with @Jellybeansincognito's somewhat unpleasant post

everyone loved Barbara Striesand's nose

No they didn't- even Barbara Streisand didn't

OP

What with wearing a hijab, a nose job will make all the difference - the nose is such a prominent feature when wearing the hijab.

It is an incredibly popular procedure in Teheran and there the women wear their post surgery plaster / dressings with pride Out and about in public.

I had mine done in my 20’s for exactly the same reasons that you want to have yours done. I’m glad I did it but it hasn’t changed the way I feel about myself or my anxiety problems. You are not going to look dramatically different. You might think you do but I guarantee that it’s unlikely that anyone will notice. In all the years since I had mine done only one person said to me that I looked different and that was after I first had it done and was slightly bruised. If you really want to do it then go for it. As I said,I’m glad I did but it won’t solve all your problems

@Aridane it isn’t unpleasant. It’s an observation based on the things op has written here.
Having a rhinoplasty won’t remove the years of torment or magically grow op some confidence wings.

Especially when op seems equally as bothered about what people think of her having surgery.

I’m very pro cosmetic procedures, but understand that they don’t fix everything for some people.
Op will need lots of other forms of help to get past this.

Unpleasant? No.
Realistic.

Keep info to the minimum OP and I suspect you will find people barely say anything.
Good luck!