AIBU to lie to people about this?

[hatelivinglikethis]

I’ve considered having rhinoplasty done, I hate my nose and always have since I was a child, I’m 30 now. I got bullied because of it, I don’t have any pictures of myself, I never take pictures unless I have to such as passport/driving license/work. At every social gathering when the group wants to take pictures I always avoid it, I’ve saved up for years to have this surgery but I’m just worried what people will think? I practice a religion where any cosmetic surgery is not allowed unless necessary. But I have decided to do it anyway, I can’t live like this anymore. It affects my mental health, I don’t want to go out or do anything because of it. I’m only 30, I don’t want to live the rest of my life feeling like this. I want to enjoy my life and do stuff, but the way I feel about my nose keeps me from doing anything.

It’s going to change the way I look dramatically, and I just don’t know what to say to people. I’ve thought of lying, saying I had a accident and that resulted in a deviated septum etc. I also want to have it done in USA, I found a great surgeon who’s got a lot of experience creating the type of nose I want. How on earth do I explain this? It’s one thing having an accident and going for surgery in London, but abroad? Nobody’s going to buy that. Please help, don’t know what to do.

I think you will find most people either don't notice, or notice there is something different but not what it is.

I am really sorry you feel like you do about it and think you are right to have it done but it really isn't nearly as noticeable to others.

Also, OP: your body/face, your choice. Someone else's imaginary friend is not your problem.

I would really respect someone who was honest to me about this

Thank God Gobbynorthernbird is not a ‘friend’ of mine IRL.

FFS. So naive and ignorant.

OP - I have a broken nose and have been offered surgery multiple times. You could get away with saying it broke when you fell or something similar but what you will need to be prepared for is this NOT being on your medical notes if a family member ever ends up attending a hospital appointment or similar with you.

Wishing you well with your decision xx

I had surgery, not rhinoplasty. Surgeon performed it for predominantly functional reasons, I had it for cosmetic reasons.

I told very few people, and even fewer noticed. You may think the surgery will produce a dramatic change to your physical appearance, and indeed it may, but you’d be surprised at how few people actually notice it.

If you’re not comfortable telling people, you don’t have to. They may not notice any difference.

If you wear glasses, could you buy a new pair in a completely different style? As well as changing your hairstyle and/or lipstick colour? Then if anyone says that you look different - you do. I'd be surprised if anyone actually asked outright about your nose - people are more interested in themselves.

If someone asks, you can simply say you needed surgery, & thank them for their concern about your health.

Who would you have to lie to and who would have to know the truth? Family? Friends? Dh?

I have a DS, so would need to tell exDH. Family/friends and work colleagues, I'm an accountant working in the city, big office lots of talk. So I know they're going say something. I have a small nose, I want a more defined tip and higher bridge, so of course they're going to notice

Can't help on the religion side but I had a boob job and it was THE BEST THING I ever did.
I hated myself, I hated my chest and how I looked. I had a boyfriend of 18 months who never saw me without a bra and t-shirt on. I was always conscious of it - having the surgery was insane in how it changed how I felt, my confidence grew and I would always say to anyone considering surgery for the right reason, ie for them, to do it.
If people are over weight, they diet.
People cut, dye their hair and style it
People wear make up
They wear clothes to suit their body shape
To me this really is no different, you are simply doing something to make you feel better about yourself.
Anyone who disagrees is an idiot, it's their problem not yours

You don’t need to lie; you don’t need to explain yourself.

Very few people will be rude enough to mention it. If they do, you should have the confidence to say you had your nose fixed because you didn’t like it. They will quickly lose interest.

I have two friends who had nose jobs. Both were very instantly noticeable and both a great success, although neither of them (one male, one female) ended up with a “classic” nose after the rhino. I don’t think I ever mentioned it to either of them, so I imagine most people did the same as me - take note and move on.

Be mindful, however, of not hoping for it to change your personality : if you have deep seated issues with confidence, you may well find that they remain, even after plastic surgery.

My dear cousin is a movie make up artist, and knows all about the standards of beauty and facial features. She has a massive nose, which she loves - she recognises that it gives her face character. She is radiant and confident and happy and beautiful.

Your nose doesn’t define you!

I mean, people aren’t stupid. If there’s going to be a drastic rather than a subtle change, it will be obvious you had a rhinoplasty for cosmetic reasons rather than just for a deviated septum/accident. They can operate on a deviated septum without dramatically improving the aesthetics eg lifting the lip, removing a bump etc. That’s what would happen under the NHS after all.

It’s a bit of a running joke, where people who get nose jobs for cosmetic reasons blame having a deviated septum, breathing difficulties, an old accident etc etc. Just do it with your chest.

I'm not sure what religion doesn't approve of plastic surgery but condones lying? Which is it please?

I want a more defined tip and higher bridge, so of course they're going to noticesad

You could very well be surprised.

After I had surgery, much more extreme than a rhinoplasty, someone asked me if I’d reshaped my eyebrows.

If someone told me they had a deviated septum, I'd assume that they had sustained an injury to their nose or had or a congenitally off-centre septum.

You don't have to say anything to anyone, OP. And people may not say anything. One of my friends had a nose job. She didn't tell anyone she was having it, she just turned up to dinner with me and another friend with a very different nose that could only have been achieved through plastic surgery. Neither of us could think of a sensible way of asking her about it given that she had said nothing about it, and I didn't feel that it was really any of my business anyway. I say have it done and deal with any questions as they arise.

I had an operation for a deviated septum - def not because of cocaine!

OP - I would suggest seeing if you can get some therapy to help you along the process. It will be a big emotional change for you and therapy can help and also help how you respond to others.

I've got a fair old shoze myself but I've kinda grown into it. Good luck!

If someone told me they'd had a deviated septum, I'd assume a coke habit. A big one.

^^ This!

Butchyrestingface Your post reminded me of when I lost 4 stone and someone asked if I’d changed my hair!

Come back with a haircut. People will notice that.

If anybody at work/friends asks directly if you had a nose job just say yes. If they stay asking more "when where how much" sidestep - none of their business.

As for religion, look, it's not life or death, but you ARE really unhappy. God created people who created nose jobs. He also created freewill, OR it was His wish for you to live a more fulfilling life by not being concerned about your Jose (depending on your religion).

Other than very close family and a few very details-conscious observers, nobody will notice.

Oh and tell ex if you need to that you need to have some work on your nose and have decided to go to someone who is a specialist in the US. He doesn't need more detail about what than that.

Bear in mind that the nose you have is probably perfect for your face, so don't try to change it too much. It needs to be in keeping with your other features. A strong nose on a face with strong features can be stunning. A Christy Turlington nose on the same face would look wrong.

If you're not familiar with her story, look up Jennifer Grey.

I would recommend counselling, as I suspect that the rhinoplasty might not fix underlying problems. Bullies will pick on others who react to something.

It is quite easy to break your nose - I've done it a few times,

If you are going to lie, then I'd keep it as simple as possible (easier to remember!)

Maybe just say you needed surgery to help with a breathing issue and if pressed, just say you'd rather not discuss it.

*nose, not Jose! 😂

Just a thought, if the issue is a small nose, could you find someone to do filler in your nose so you've an idea of how it will look ahead of surgery. I have a large nose, but had my bridge made a little wider to balance it all out and smooth out the uneven bits. It only really lasts 12 months but it'll be a softer way before surgery if you really are worried about your religion?

Just tell them. Tell them that it was recommended because of breathing issues. That's not a HUGE lie. Tell them you are going to the States to get it done because the results will be noticeable and because of that you want the best job you can get.

I think you just have to be honest. Surgery for deviated septum wouldn't change the size and shape of your nose materially.

Just say you couldn’t breath well at night and were getting sleep apnea