AIBU to lie to people about this?

[hatelivinglikethis]

I’ve considered having rhinoplasty done, I hate my nose and always have since I was a child, I’m 30 now. I got bullied because of it, I don’t have any pictures of myself, I never take pictures unless I have to such as passport/driving license/work. At every social gathering when the group wants to take pictures I always avoid it, I’ve saved up for years to have this surgery but I’m just worried what people will think? I practice a religion where any cosmetic surgery is not allowed unless necessary. But I have decided to do it anyway, I can’t live like this anymore. It affects my mental health, I don’t want to go out or do anything because of it. I’m only 30, I don’t want to live the rest of my life feeling like this. I want to enjoy my life and do stuff, but the way I feel about my nose keeps me from doing anything.

It’s going to change the way I look dramatically, and I just don’t know what to say to people. I’ve thought of lying, saying I had a accident and that resulted in a deviated septum etc. I also want to have it done in USA, I found a great surgeon who’s got a lot of experience creating the type of nose I want. How on earth do I explain this? It’s one thing having an accident and going for surgery in London, but abroad? Nobody’s going to buy that. Please help, don’t know what to do.

Just be honest. If you're worried because of your religion, well you got through a divorce didn't you?

That must've been way worse to have to explain to people than some nose surgery.

Honestly, try not to worry about what others think.

I’m going to go and have it done without really telling anyone what I’m doing, except for my brother of course.
And when I come back, and I’m pressed I’m just going to cite breathing problems tbh. To hell with what anyone thinks. Been living like this for 30 years, can’t go another 30 years like this.

Ffs i had a deviated septum op and have never touched drugs. You're a cheeky bastard @gobbynorthernbird

If I was your friend I would mention it anyway even if I noticed it! (Just compliment you!) I'm sure most people will know it's been surgically done anyway. Good luck with the surgery, I've always wanted to get mine done but too scared

Aaaw shucks OP thank you, I am just a lot older than you with more experience :)

As for exDH I know he’s going to be a bit when I say I’m going to go to US on a holiday alone. We’re good friends and I care about him a lot, but he’s the type to ask a lot of questions if something seems off.

He can ask as many questions as he likes - you are under no obligation to answer them. In fact, as you know him well, make sure you have some bland statements ready to fend him off with, as you can probably guess what kind of questions he is going to ask.

I genuinely urge you not to lie. PP upthread made an excellent post about bullies, & how they love to hone in on any perceived weakness - lying only highlights that there is a weakness being covered up - hence my earlier advice to 'own it'.

However your latest updates seem really upbeat & good on you for your determination. As PP's have said, other folk might not even notice - but YOU will know, & you will feel better for it - congratulations on your decison, on owning your personal autonomy, & in starting to address the underlying problem of "what does everyone think".
Sod them! It's your body, & only what YOU think about it matters.

And when I come back, and I’m pressed I’m just going to cite breathing problems tbh. To hell with what anyone thinks. Been living like this for 30 years, can’t go another 30 years like this.

Aha, another update! OK that's a reasonable compromise with the 'fib', please forget whatever I said about lying ... so long as YOU are 'owning' your choice of fib, that's such a good one as there is no complicated narrative to construct - so to hell with what I think because I an deferring to what YOU think now OP :)

I wouldn’t particularly tell people but be honest if they ask. I honestly think people will notice a difference but won’t be able to put their finger on exactly what. Along lines of - you look different have you had your hair cut etc. A close friend has had it done and although it looks fantastic & she loves it, it honestly doesn’t alter her that drastically. Good luck. I know how you feel and would do the same if a bit younger but have learnt to live with mine now. I also hated my nose.

i had a rhinosplasty when i was about 20 it was quite a drastic bump removal and honestly no one bloody noticed!

@gobbynorthernbird That is rubbish and I've never taken coke. I think you might be thinking of perforated septum. I have had sinus surgery and the same time they sorted out deviated septum. According to the consultant deviated septum is a very common condition, perhaps 30% of the population

Coming back to this has given me the lols. I might be wrong but I bet I'm not the only person who hears something is wrong with the septum and thinks of Daniella Westbrook.

Get it done and change your hairstyle dramaticaly. Get a fringe, a different colour or go for the chop.

That is INSPIRED Hummous

Do what makes you happy OP. Life's too short. Re the religion aspect, surely any deity would want their believers to be happy and not cast shade on a person solely for fixing something that makes them unhappy?

I had a deviated septum fixed (never done coke in my life) and my best friend also did (also never done coke). She also hated her nose and had it changed whilst having her septum fixed - good luck

Just wanted to say I admire you for having the balls to do it! I'm the exact same with my nose (except mine is big) I won't even look at my wedding pics, don't have pics of me and the children or when they were born it's awful. And I'm 30 I too think I don't want to spend the next 30yrs feeling so unhappy with myself but I just haven't got the bottle to get the surgery in case it doesn't look right after. It's scary but your brave and I'm glad your doing this for yourself!

Get it done and change your hairstyle dramaticaly. Get a fringe, a different colour or go for the chop.

That is INSPIRED Hummous

More hilarious than inspired considering the OP says she wears a hijab.

In general it is inspired Worra.

But I confess that I hadn't read the lot when I responded.

It really did make me laugh DingDong

@Jellybeansincognito

There’s not much to miss in You’ll just find something else to be unhappy about thIs comment

Just be honest. I didn't like my nose so I had a nose job.
People will not be as interested as you think.
Lies or miss truths end up causing more problems than they are worth.

People do comment and I'm sorry but it's natural. When I walked into a room and saw my friend who surreptitiously had lip fillers, I thought she'd been attacked. "OMG are you OK? What happened?" Was not the reaction she was hoping for.

Will all the bruising even be gone at two weeks?

I had weight loss surgery (gastric sleeve), and before I'd had it, I was convinced I couldn't tell people. Thought I'd get judged, everyone would naysay or have an opinion etc. But after I had it, I was so proud of myself for doing something for me that would improve my life, that I just owned it!

I told people, and sod anyone that might have thought negatively of me or the surgery. It wasn't to please them anyway, it was for me!!!!

Just do it, and own it. You've nothing to be ashamed of. Good luck and I hope it goes well

@MrsTerryPratchett I can picture your friends face 🤣 when I look at my niece's x 2 lips, it looks like they were kicked in the face, I think if I wet her lips I could stick her to the window. 🤣
Nose is very different I think in some cases it should be covered on the NHS.

It changed my life. Initial post was my honest reactions to my own op, when I did it. Not yours. Make a choice for yourself as an adult woman, I did. Mine is 6 yrs plus. Good luck OP. Recovery is fine, v briefly uncomfortable, after that it's mostly drink lots of fluids and rest, no sudden moves. Dont bend down, sleep propped up for a couple of nights, just one even, then it passes.If you have or can create bodily privacy for that then all the better, be alone in a hotel if need be. There's a million first aid reasons why you might need a similiar intervention. Only you will ever know. Sorry if Ive missed the point of the thread as ever, but I did have this done and it was ok.

Also, I had my surgery as an adult, within a family who don't believe in medical intervention or treatment of any kind. I was offerred it in my teens, by a hospital, a consultant, because of allowed orthodontic treatment, but my family said no to corrective surgery, for 20 years. It was forbidden. UK. It has since allowed me privacy to choose as an adult, to feel I can make my own decisions about my body. I also do now look less like my parents, even though I chose to tell the surgeon I didnt want to change my appearance within my family. But I did it for this reason too. Its a subtle differrent but I know. They get, it, they understand at hospitals. Often it improves outcomes for physical health for you, I literally get more oxygen in my bloodstream now each breath I take and overcame a change my family denied me and that is all the the reason you need. Your body.

If someone told me they'd had a deviated septum, I'd assume a coke habit. A big one.

^^ This!

Good grief there's two of them.