AIBU to lie to people about this?

[hatelivinglikethis]

I’ve considered having rhinoplasty done, I hate my nose and always have since I was a child, I’m 30 now. I got bullied because of it, I don’t have any pictures of myself, I never take pictures unless I have to such as passport/driving license/work. At every social gathering when the group wants to take pictures I always avoid it, I’ve saved up for years to have this surgery but I’m just worried what people will think? I practice a religion where any cosmetic surgery is not allowed unless necessary. But I have decided to do it anyway, I can’t live like this anymore. It affects my mental health, I don’t want to go out or do anything because of it. I’m only 30, I don’t want to live the rest of my life feeling like this. I want to enjoy my life and do stuff, but the way I feel about my nose keeps me from doing anything.

It’s going to change the way I look dramatically, and I just don’t know what to say to people. I’ve thought of lying, saying I had a accident and that resulted in a deviated septum etc. I also want to have it done in USA, I found a great surgeon who’s got a lot of experience creating the type of nose I want. How on earth do I explain this? It’s one thing having an accident and going for surgery in London, but abroad? Nobody’s going to buy that. Please help, don’t know what to do.

I think you should just be honest. People will most likely be generally interested in the logistics than anything else. Tell them where you’re going before you have the surgery then you don’t need to worry about hiding it when you get back.

Deviated septum Google it, it's very common.

What’s bollocks @Orangepancakes ?
You’ve completely missed my point by the sounds of it.

Op is insecure about her nose, just as insecure about being truthful about surgery.
Other people’s opinions seem to be the main issue here with op.

I had it done 10 years ago I just said I'd had breathing troubles at night

Religion aside, I think it is better to be honest in a brief matter of fact way, and say you wanted it changed so you did. If you own it, then people might talk but at least they can't also make fun of you for making up an obvious lie. Bullies will always bully, but there's no sense in giving them ammunition.

Nice people won't care, but if it is noticed they will respect you more for having the guts to own your actions.

Having a haircut makes a lot of sense, but I don't think I would go the whole make-over route.

Re the religion, if there will be strong sanctions for you with a lot of people then, I think I would go with the breathing/sleep apnoea route, but put in the ground work first gradually talking about some tiredness etc, and don't get a haircut otherwise it will be obvious you are lying. I would hate to have to take that route though. Its sad enough that you feel you need an operation in the first place, without all the guilt and pressure.

im not trying to goad but may i ask anyone which religion stops surgery?im actually interested as ive never heard of such a thing but i could just be very out the loop if its obvious.sorry if this is so.

also i love this line of pp god created people that created nose jobs

Hi im not religious so I didn't have that issue but here is my experience.
I had my nose done when I was 21. Same issues as you. I had it done in the June of my 3rd year at university and I also worked part time.
I told my boss I was having an operation and would be off for a few weeks. No other info. Didn't tell anyone else apart from my parents and partner.
Afterwards I was so so nervous about what people would say etc and noone noticed!!!
A few people said to me that I looked different but they couldn't put their finger on it. I coloured my hair at the same time. Go for it, I promise you won't regret it

You're too worried about what other people think of you, if you are doing this to make you happy, why do you care what other people think.
It's none of their business, so tell them the truth or not, but don't give a sh*t what they think.

Work on your own self esteem, it may be why you hate your nose so much. I used to hate mine, but learning to like myself and be confident in myself, I actually really like it now, it gives me my own character and profile.

They're two separate issues. insinuating that it's a personality issue (insecurity) is patronising and wrong imo.

Having experienced it, it's more black and white and less emotive than people imagine.

It's a case of my ugly boobs/nose/whatever can be fixed with surgery. Fantastic. If I could run/skydive/magic the problem away without surgery I would have, but I couldn't.

Telling people is a separate issue because cosmetic surgery is still quite judged by some people and is seen as extreme. My cosmetic surgery was far quicker and safer than any medically necessary surgery that I've had. It was fine.

Yes, it can be emotive but for me it was just a practical solution to my problem!

I had a rhinoplasty a few years ago.

No one has noticed - other than the people I told about it. Even my parents and siblings haven't noticed.

I feel so much better about my appearance - I see a massive difference when I look at old photographs. I wish I hadn't waited so long really.

You should do what makes you happy. If you need to keep it quiet for religious reasons then that is fair enough and you could cite breathing issues etc. But It may be that no one will even see a difference.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

i would also say there is more at play here that might nit be fixed by surgery.and may then be transfered to something esle with how you obviously feeling about yourself.food.body eyes etc.
this kind of surgery with so much self shame or past bullys and lack of self confidence often breeds the need for more shame and imperfections and surgery or changes to yourself.
im not saying this to hurt you but i think you would do good from having some more help with how you feel about you.
because you know what you should be able to say(religion aside) " my nose made me fucking miserable for years so i changed it" job done.

because is your nose that bad or is it how others have made you feel about yourself. bullies pick on anyone that will react to that.they pick often on the sensitive lovely people op.

I have a deviated septum and sometimes think about saving up to get it fixed privately (I get lots of sinus problems), I do worry people will just think I wanted a nose job though.

if you have to do this op.could the surgeon help?might they have heard your situation before there offer the lines to give people or some reasurances?
also think about this surgeon.do PROPER research.all i evr hear is not to go abrad to get things done.as if god forbid something goes wrong and your back here its very hard then for them to help.

A deviated septum is a perfectly acceptable term for when the septum is out of line, often due to a broken nose and the nose looks bent, so not the greatest excuse in this case.

I know it is. But many people don't, other than it has to do with the nose, which is why it's sort of the "classic" excuse for having rhinoplasty. Not that one needs an excuse, but she seems to be looking for one.

You’ll make more of an issue about it if you lie. I would just say that I hated my nose so got it fixed. I don’t know how bad your nose is but if there’s a huge difference people will notice. I bet though that your nose isn’t as bad as you think it is.

Why would you need to tell your ex? As far as he needs to know you are taking a holiday to the US.

As far as everyone else a good rule to remember is: JADE. Never Justify, Apologize, Defend, or Explain.

A girl I grew up with had a nose job the minute she turned 18. There was no 'public announcement' and no one ever really said anything. I suppose her close friends were told and it was an obvious (and very positive) change to her appearance.

I love @chucklebuckles' suggestion!
I wouldn't offer any explanations. You've had a lovely holiday in US, thanks very much, and you're looking well!

You are under no obligation to tell people the truth. Unless you're under oath.
You dont have to tell them anything at all..
Most people would wonder but few would ask outright. And who cares about those bastards?

If you really desperately wanted this done- you wouldn’t care what other people thought.
I don't think you are taking on board the consequences of childhood bullying here @Jellybeansincognito.
OP desperately wants it done, because people made her feel rotten about it as a child. That bullying IN ITSELF has made her care far too much about what other people think.

It makes me question whether your nose is really the issue? Or just what others think in general?
The 2 issues are inextricably interlinked, Jelly.
This is not an either/or.
Which is why OP, having decided on a procedure, also needs to find a counsellor to talk about the childhood bullying, how it has impacted her anxiety about what people think, & how to deconstruct those anxieties, in order to start feeling more comfortable in her own skin.

I wear a hijab so no new hair cut/makeover will help. I just worry about peoples judgements tbh, especially being a woman with hijab. I worry about what people think, and that’s my problem. I’m also naturally an anxious person. But I won’t budge on this, it’s something I’ve thought about for a long time.

I’m going to do this regardless, I’m going to take 2 weeks of work.

As for exDH I know he’s going to be a bit when I say I’m going to go to US on a holiday alone. We’re good friends and I care about him a lot, but he’s the type to ask a lot of questions if something seems off.

With regards to my family, I have to tell someone I’m having surgery in case something happens. I’m very close to my brother, we speak everyday so I’m going to tell him. I’ve also thought about if something did happen, the doctors would tell everyone it’s rhinoplasty wouldn’t they? Oh god, you can tell I’m someone who overthinks a lot 😂 but I’m going to do it no matter what, just need a kick up the arse and not care so much about what anyone thinks. Thanks everyone, and thank you @messolini9 you are very wise.

If they are rude enough to ask you could say your nose broke badly and in need of surgery to rebuild it.
OP your nose has taking up so much of your life already, my friend has a massive nose, since she has it done she looks amazing from the extra confidence, she has opened a customer facing business.
Best of luck.

He's going to be a bit

I would be honest. My friend had her jaw broken because she didn’t like her overbite. Purely cosmetic but she told us it was recommended bu a doctor...

Are you going to the US or having the procedure in the UK.
In my friends case her nose was swollen for a few months so easier to get away with.
The change seemed gradually by the time it settled it was her nose it fit perfect.
Can you ask a close by Mnetter if in the UK to be the point of contact. If the worst happened they could contact family.
At least you wouldn't have to tell your brother.