If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

'Committee'? Chair? Gees, it's just some little playgroup, not a boardroom meeting. Where are you meeting, and what are you doing there that you actually even require a committee or volunteers? What happened to meeting in a park with juice/sandwiches you bring yourself?

I didn't know 'playgroups' were anything even remotely that serious. I think maybe you take it a lot more seriously than the other parents.

Because they don't want to.

HTH

I didn't have multiples but when I had my children my mental health was absolutely shot to pieces. I did manage to volunteer and it was good for me but there is no way I could have made a firm commitment.

Like you said there were enough volunteers last time, that you onky had to take a shot every 8 weeks. What are you moaning about?

As you can see from the multitude of responses above, many many people are just selfish assholes who won’t do their bit but will sit there chatting/ gazing adoringly at their child whilst the same people (who also have kids there) do all the hard work at these groups.

If I was you I’d just walk away or start a different group where people have to actually contribute. I’m sure all these people who don’t currently help won’t mind paying market rates for a group (if they can find one) where they can sit like pampered princesses.

OP - I can quite heartily recommend giving up volunteering.

I no longer do any community volunteering and spend one afternoon a week in a gorgeous little prep. It’s divine.

Don't want to volunteer? Fine then, don't.

But then you can't complain when playgroups don't open, you can't get your kid into scouts/guides, and there are no things like school discos happening.

If everyone did a LITTLE BIT, like two hours a year a little bit, that would be plenty. But 90% of people do fuck all. Which means 10% of people are either doing a little bit, or a lot. And all they get when they are super frazzled and send out an email saying for the love of God can someone just buy the fecking coffee and teabags at Tesco for once they get either a wall of silence or "Oh I'm soooooo busy, sorry!"

What do people do with children when volunteering?

I couldn't of volunteered when ds was little, if I left him to his own devices for any longer than 5 seconds I would of been banned from ever returning 😆

I used go chair a volunteer group and was treated like crap, mostly by those who not only never volunteered their time but felt it important to highlight all of my/our shortcomings and explain how they would have done it better. I left virtually every [successful!] event feeling down because multiple people put down my hours of hard work that benefitted them and their children.

I understood that lots of people didn’t have the time; I got that if everyone suddenly turned up we’d be overwhelmed...but a thank you or a 20min clear up once per year would never have gone unnoticed. So now I don’t volunteer and was put off it entirely.

OP, I’d issue an ultimatum and say “I need XX number of volunteers signed up by XX date or unfortunately we will have to disband after Easter.” And then follow through if no one signs up.

Fwiw, I'm a childminder, I go to the local playgrouo and I've volunteered 6 times over the years. I don't bitch and moan when other people don't take a turn. That's just life.

I attended a (mainly volunteer run) church toddler group this morning for the first time after not going for a while after having a baby. I got a couple of bank handed comments from one of the volunteers for not coming in a while.

Here are my reasons why -

• had a baby 2 months ago and have 2 other children under 5 which in itself is full on. One is at school so I do try and support the school by volunteering for their various fundraising activities.

• have a disabled sibling living with me atm who I am the main carer for

• have a chronic pain condition that affects me about 50% of the time. Sometimes I can smile through it, sometimes I can't face leaving the house.

• I have a small business that probably takes up on average a day a week.

I don't know anyone that well at the above toddler group so they don't know about most of that other stuff. All they'll see is a SAHM with 3 children, so think I'll have more time than I do.

Despite the above, I do get it OP, I have run voluntary groups in the past and my parents run one currently,and most people are happy to attend but the minute you ask them to do any more they will run a mile.

I think the only thing you can do is say to people that you're wrapping the group up due to insufficient volunteers and see if more people respond.

What happened to meeting in a park with juice/sandwiches you bring yourself?

well. it's not the park, it's a hall
so SOMEONE has to book it - making sure there's a kitchen area, toilet access, baby changing facilities...
SOMEONE has to be responsible for it, keys, heating, safe playing area for babies
SOMEONE has to organise the refreshments and buy what is needed
SOMEONE has to plan the crafts, the toys
SOMEONE has to tidy up and clean after everyone leaves...

so feel free to enjoy your little picnic in the park in the middle of December in the UK, but most baby groups tend to be at least partially indoors

so what happened is that most people turn up empty handed and expect everything to be served on a plate to them. For free. And if you ask for a quid or two, they feel like they are paying customers and should be served on a silver platter.

Sorry, but if there’s a committee I think they ahould be running it. Thing is, many people go to these groups for a break or a chat. Not to be making the tea, or chopping veg, or getting toys out whilst trying to make aure their own toddlers dont take someone’s eye out with a barbie. I dislike baby groups that advertise for mums and babies/toddlers to attend then the begging starts. I have helped out, but committing time and certain days isn’t possible for some people, or something they can do because they’re too busy/tired

What do people do with children when volunteering?
carry the babies or leave them in their pram
get the older ones "involved", most 3 year olds are great at sweeping.

What do people do with children when doing chores at home? It's the same thing! Depends on your child, you know what works, you manage to clean, cook, and for many of us deal with the others.

I was struggling to cope with severe pnd, domestic abusive and coping with my eldest ds who had autism.

Volunteering would have finished me off

Thing is, many people go to these groups for a break or a chat. Not to be making the tea, or chopping veg, or getting toys out whilst trying to make aure their own toddlers dont take someone’s eye out with a barbie.

then you shouldn't go to a volunteer-run group
go to a paying class where you are genuinely not expected to lift a finger because you are a client. That's what classes are for, but they are a business and priced accordingly.

when dc was little (nearly up to school age dc was severely asthmatic which meant dc got chests infections frequently) we couldn't say from one week to another whether we would make playgroups/ nurseries ect - do you know anything about these families? yes some wouldn't volunteer but expect others to & whether you like it or not this ALWAYS happens in every situation - it may annoy you but you are hopefully doing this to help & judging others lives without knowing them or what goes on in there lives isn't very charitable? Ask - explain but don't expect much - that way you wont be disappointed.

Do all the hard work? What hard work. It is an informal little child's play group. That's all. What on earth would they be organising that needs 'hard work'? An olympics? The park, McDonalds, Softplay - hardly requires any effort or work at all.

Oh and to the person who mentioned Scouts and Guides, you can't seriously compare official and formal registered actual real groups known internationally, to some little parents/friends playgroup. They are not even in the same stratosphere, let alone galaxy, let alone planet, let alone country-town-ballpark.

@asdapryce I wonder if we are members of the same group (starts with W?)

Anyway, a good idea might be to offer the option to either volunteer or pay an additional fee. I stopped attending a playgroup in the past as parents were expected to help out during a while session once a term (who would suppervise my two??) and there was no option to pay - but oddly if you didn’t turn up on your allocated day then you would be billed because they would hire someone to cover... but still you couldn’t pay in advance, so odd.

@Pfefferkuchen There is no need for parents to book a hall, just to meet up some their kids can run and jump around. A hall is way over the top. A casual friends/playgroup does not require that rather intense level of layout and commitment.

Renting a hall just so kids have play dates? Omg. It sounds more like a formal council meeting than just play date groups.

If you want to be the SOMEONE who is a martyred volunteer, go ahead
Be SOMEONE who makes tea and fastidiously notes who doesn’t volunteer
Be the SOMEONE who thinks everyone else is lazy & entitled
These are roles you’ve chosen to enact,you’re not compelled.
Don’t like it,give up

SarahNade
if it's not that hard work, why can't people help then?

Not that hard, but do you expect the hall to be magically booked, the food magically organised, crafts and toys to pop out of thin air?

Oh and to the person who mentioned Scouts and Guides, you can't seriously compare official and formal registered actual real groups known internationally, to some little parents/friends playgroup
if you speak with any scout and guide leaders, you will find that yes you can compare. They are crying for volunteers... Don't let that little fact change your nasty attitude though.

Don’t like it,give up

I did. And then people moaned that it was “desperately unfair” and they needed the facility. .

The words “tough” and “luck” sprang to mind.