If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

I've been to the odd playgroup but couldn't help out because:

1. it was all I could do to get myself there with DS when I just had DS
2. I had other responsibilities including work when I was working part time with DS
3. then I had DD as well and DS became more challenging (we now know he has SEN) so
4. if it was for both of them it was all I could do to keep them under control and if I just had DD there because DS was in nursery I needed a rest.

I went to one at a Children's Centre where the staff could see I was struggling and would look after DD for me so I could concentrate on DS not flooring the other children.

Why do people feel the need to make excuses.

We all have busy lives. There are always things we can do and things we can't do.

I don't think it sounds as if OP isnasking for much. She ain-t asking for everyone to volunteer. Only enough to help keep the playgroup running.

Because many people are lazy changers who are perfectly happy to take advantage of other peoples kindness while having no intention of extending any of their own. It's depressing, OP, that people are not willing to dig in. I volunteer on a number of levels (Cub Scout den leader, volleyball coach, church greeter) and IME it's always the same people who make time to help - and the same who simply cannot be arsed. I work FT and have three kids, so the "but I work part time!" excuses justifications don't wash with me.

I think it sounds a bit too officially organised. You need someone to open up and lock up, but apart from that the rest could be done by whoever turns up, couldn't it? That way you don't have to sign up for anything or worry that you won't be able to make a certain date, faff around trying to swap shifts with someone else, if kids are ill you just don't come and it's fine.
You need to make it more that the people who attend just get on and do what needs to be done.

Do it on a rota, OP. Best group I attended used to demand that you literally sign up to one in a while did a set up or a clear up. There was also a rota to provide a craft activity. It was explained when you first came and was never a problem.

I've run playgroups for 18 years and I've seen the entitled attitudes displayed on this thread getting worse and worse.

Op, do yourself a favour and stop the group if you've got this type of sneering "service provider" attitude parents attending. Why should you run yourself into the ground for them? The charities and Children's Centres stopped a while ago. High time some parents realised it.

What makes you think you're so special???

I'm thinking that people don't always want to volunteer for people who sneer at them?

I was planning to volunteer when I’m on maternity leave next year - normally I work on the days that local playgroups near me run. When I have an immobile baby and only one toddler and I attend weekly it will be easier to join in. This thread title has made me think twice though - I don’t want to be part of a group if this is how they view others. Fortunately I haven’t had any indication that the leaders local to me are out to make people feel really shitty, so I will still volunteer

At least be honest about why you don't want to get involved
why Does anyone need to explain themselves or their actions to volunteers.
Volunteers not compelled to volunteer they chose to, being a volunteer doesn’t mean you get to judge or guess the motive of other people
I don’t volunteer because I don’t want to,I’m simply not interested and the accounts/attitude of the volunteers and their sanctimonious attitudes really ring loudly on the thread

AudacityOfHope
who says they are special?

If people don't like the volunteers, they don't have to join the group and get everything for nothing.. they can't dislike them so much if they still join.

I work FT and have three kids, so the "but I work part time!" excuses justifications don't wash with me

You don't know the detail of people's lives though, do you? The women who's partner would kick off and cause problems if she wasn't home at a certain time, the adults with caring responsibilities, visits to relatives in care homes, children with hidden disabilities, parents with their own hidden disabilities, people with voluntary commitments already, not so obvious illness etc.

Not everyone has the same availability to do things like manage a group and take on the responsiblity of money, or management etc. But if you are attending a play group at a given time regularly, you can manage to sometimes help out.

I don’t volunteer because I don’t want to,I’m simply not interested and the accounts/attitude of the volunteers and their sanctimonious attitudes really ring loudly on the thread

fine
but you accept you are a CF
you take but you don't give anything back because you feel you are too grand to be involved, and let the others pick up the crap - others who have the same hours in the day and same bills to pay as you do.

People like you are everywhere, it's sad. And you put off volunteers who get fed up of being taken for granted. Ultimately, it's you or your kids who benefit, otherwise you wouldn't be there in the first place. They are doing YOU a favour.

If you as a Mum of twins benefit from another Mum of twins giving her time for a playgroup to run, then why wouldn't you chip in once in a while? It seems selfish to me. You're already going to the group - can people really not spare 20 extra minutes to chop some fruit and get some toys out?

Iving please give it a go.

It's worthwhile.

I don't volunteer now that my kids are at school. I miss it

I did help at a local toddler group for a while but not with my first, I was struggling with being a mum. One group we attended insisted all mum's helped once a term with a craft activity and that was a condition of attending. As a mum of multiples I would be happy to help with something like that now mine are all older as I know what it is like but am now out of the other side.
You find it is like this with a lot of groups people want someone else to run them so they can attend but don't want to commit to help.

I was quoting the OP @Pfefferkuchen

You're not unreasonable at all. Our school PTA has had to be shut down due to lack of volunteers. A school of 150 pupils and only three were willing to give up any time to attend meetings or help fundraise. The ones who did help - we all have younger kids, work, one is a single parent. We all have other responsibilities.

Of course there is uproar this Christmas because there weren't any crackers at the Christmas lunch as the PTA usually pay for them. No more discos, extra treats for the kids, or essential equipment for the school. But still no one wants to actually help out, just moan about it. I don't understand it at all.

OP I think you have your answers. A warm welcome to the wonderful world of excuses, believe me you will meet the same people in the pta, the after school football club, the summer fair, brownies, rainbows,scouts, guides... Wherever in fact kind people give up their time and effort for their own and other peoples children's benefit.

I completely agree, @viques.

It will become a lot more obvious at school. Yes, not everyone has time to become a full PTA member - fair enough (well, I certainly don't for a start!).

But you will meet the immense majority of people who are unable to give 1 or 2 hours for the entire school year! Is that believable? Of course not.

You don't know the detail of people's lives though, do you? The women who's partner would kick off and cause problems if she wasn't home at a certain time, the adults with caring responsibilities, visits to relatives in care homes, children with hidden disabilities, parents with their own hidden disabilities, people with voluntary commitments already, not so obvious illness etc.

Ah, yes. I'd forgotten, this is MN, where everyone and his dog has hidden disabilities, caring responsibilities and social anxiety to the point where they can't leave the house.

Although I'm sure this applies to some people I still stand by my original post is that more people simply cannot be bothered.

Not in least a cf as you so colloquially put it.
I attend school fayre spend a lot on depth charge cakes that I bin,I buy raffle tickets and tat. Implicit in attending school Faye is that one spends money. I do
Baby group , i pay to participate and put in a donation. There’s no expectation or request that I volunteer. There’s an expectation of payment,and yes I fulfill that. There’s a voluntary donation which I make

Lots of people dont want to volunteer. People dont want the hassle in the main part, I wouldn't have volunteered at a toddler group when mine were young as I had 2 under 2, all I could handle was getting to a group although I have always done my best to help tidy up even to the detriment of my own children when I've left them screaming in a buggy while helping.

I have always volunteered for stuff, we used to be very involved in St John ambulance running kids groups and helping for free at events and it's a totally thankless task.

I am currently a member of my daughters preschool committee with a pretty big role. We are always constantly begging for people to join the committee or help at fundraising events and it's very rare to get anyone to agree. I am in a fortunate position that although I work 30hrs a week I do most of my work at weekends when DH is around so I have a lot of free time during the week. It's a thankless task, people are all too quick to criticise without ever want to help organise or fundraise. We struggle to get any parent helpers to come on trips either.

Could you have a token system where you "earn" 3 or so tokens for volunteering and each session "costs" a token to attend. People could feel free to bargain their tokens if they wanted and hopefully you'd have your sessions manned.

I attend a local group. We pointed out to everyone that if everyone helped out, we'd only have to do it about twice a year. We also said if they can't commit, they could just volunteer at the last minute. Still hardly any volunteers. It's usually the most busy / least able that offer a hand with washing up, or whatever.