If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

I have had to be very clear when giving up a volunteering role that a particular month/occasion would be my last one. Luckily a playgroup I used to run did get two volunteers to take it on but my nearly new sale I am worried about as I literally don’t have time to do another... but no One else coming forward so think that will be It :( I think people just already feel stretched too thin (completely understand!) anddont want to commit to something

I used to run a parent and toddler group. Fell into it accidentally - was asked to help and then the original organisers did a runner! This was a group on a weekday morning so no-one worked full time.

If people had babes in arms, or very challenging children, we didn’t expect them to help. But if they were just there to have a cuppa and a chat while their child played happily, they had a few weeks and then we expected them to go on the rota. It meant two volunteers turning up 15 minutes earlier once every couple of months to set up. One usually ran a craft activity, the other made teas and coffee. For part of the time we had an elderly lady volunteer helping with refreshments, which was great - and part of the time we had to deal with it ourselves (I did it for 3 years). Everyone generally was supposed to help with the clearing up. It was hardly onerous.

My experience is that the same people volunteer over and again - sometimes it’s because they’re busybodies, but mostly it’s because they feel they should put something in and not just take. Obviously some people can’t help for genuine reasons, but equally I’m afraid there are plenty of others who really are CFs.

p.s. Many of the people who did help were also exhausted, had mental health and/or relationship problems. They didn’t all have lovely shiney lives.

pfeffer I haven’t made any assumptions, sadly others on this thread have.

jacques obviously not. Not sure where in what I wrote implied I was the sort who would?

The groups should be opened to volunteers only. So either you get involved, as much as you can, not everyone has the same availability, or you are not in.

I can think of a couple like that. (not specially baby group). Best way to run a group.

mostly it’s because they feel they should put something in and not just take.

best summary of the thread.

I've never helped out at Guides or Brownies. They said when you sign up that you might have to help out but have never asked for parent helpers. My mum was Baloo in a cub group for years and they never asked parents to help. So I'd say that varies quite a lot from unit to unit.

I attended one when DS2 was small. I didn't ever feel confident volunteering because once he was mobile he was a bit of an arsehole for a period and I'd have worried about not watching him til he learned to behave like a human.

However, I am treasurer at a local scout group, on the pta for both DCs schools and a governor at DS2's schools as well as working. So in terms of giving up my time, I do. Just not at playgroup. There might be a million different reasons but I'd hazard that a lot of people just wouldn't feel confident.

Can't be bothered to read all the replies, but the short answer is that if no one steps up, the group will have to close. End of.

It's a real shame but people can be weird about volunteering.

I think the best approach is to let it run its course and when the members realise that the group really is going to close completely in a couple of weeks, they'll step up. I hope it works out.

It is cyclical. When my DT's were young I helped run a twins group. Before my cohort of parents came round the previous committee got to the stage of threatening to shut the group down - when our term ended we had to resort to the same.

Explain that the group will stop if no volunteers appear and, generally volunteers will appear eventually. Reality is few people like to feel like they should help but will do if they think there is something in it for them.

Yabu
Some kids are worse than others, more ill etc.
With volunteering generally it has to be
Something you can do (ability)
(with your circumstances/kids etc)
A time you can make consistently and often before and/after
Something you can do long term
You have to have energy (and confidence- not everyone wants to lead or remembers the words to songs etc)

You just cant know all these. People are busy planning- how to get back into work, activities, making new friends and trying new things.

With things like school fair.

• i dont like the stalls in that always sweets/choc
• my dc would NoT stand with me. They would say stuff etc.

This year we went out in the morning then to the fair then came back quickly as we were fixing something needing us both. Also dc struggles with school so were cannot do too much at weekends. Tbh im very unlucky and if i commit dc is bound to have d&v for eg. I dont feel that bad because im dealing with 2 extremely difficult dc and it's hard enough just to get the 1 to school etc.

It may not seem that big a deal to you but to someone else it could be, Volunteers are just that volunteers. Nobody should feel compelled to do something and if you are a volunteer then you shouldn’t think badly of someone else for not doing. If it is due to close because of lack of help and nobody is volunteering then you have to accept that they have their own reasons.

You sound a bit scary

I have also found that in 15 years-ish in being involved in these things that "I'm too busy" is the default excuse. Most people aren't too busy at all. They just can't be arsed. But they are self-aware enough to realise that saying that they can't be arsed isn't socially acceptable.

In my experience, the people who DO genuinely want to help but can't commit for whatever reason will say that they're really sorry that they can't go on the rota, but will write the newsletter, organise the christmas party, scour the internet for the best prices on new toys, run the twitter account, buy the tea and coffee or whatever other little jobs need done.

Those type of people are great. Everyone who has ever been involved in this sort of voluntary organisation knows that everyone's circumstances are different. But the whole "I'm too busy" crew generally aren't too busy at all all.

At least be honest about why you don't want to get involved.

Tbh from the thread title the other volunteers sound so unfriendly that would be why I wouldn't volunteer. 'what makes you think you're so special' indeed.

It’s volunteering not running a pyramid scheme to recruit members
If the group closes because not enough volunteer then that’s how it goes.it closes

Volunteering at group is turning up 20 mins early to get the toys out, set up the tea & coffee, chop fruit/cheese for snack, put the heating & lights on then at the end it’s putting the stuff away, turning off lights then locking up - about another 20 mins

Get out of your bubble, a small thing to you is a big thing for others. There are always a hundred reasons why people do or don't do something.

They don't want to. Simple as that.

Nothing wrong with that either.

Except that those who "don't want to" will probably be amongst the first to complain when the group closes.

OP, you could just stop doing all the extra stuff - don't turn up early, just arrive at opening time and switch the lights/heating on then.
Let whoever wants to get the toys out.
Let people make their own tea and coffee
Let someone else do the snack, if they want any.

Start tidy up time half an hour before the end. Do singing afterwards.
Then your job is just turn the lights out and lock up.

Except that those who "don't want to" will probably be amongst the first to complain when the group closes

Absolutely. And be the most vocal critics about what the volunteers/committee are doing wrong.

A few things just used to bug me at playgroup - so if you're not going to volunteer can you at least think of the parents that are running it

1/ take any cups or leftover kids snacks back to the kitchen

2/ get up of your arse and put hankies / wipes etc in the bin. Its really not nice clearing them up

3/ leave when playgroup finishes. Don't sit around gassing whilst your kids continue to play. Volunteers have lifes too and they need to get their kid home for lunch or go and pick up the other kids etc.

4/ don't moan if you can't get in because it's full. Its run by mums or.volunteers. we hate turning kids away but if you turn up 30 mins after it starts then chances are it may be full. We do have to limit numbers.

So if you ain't going to help at least have respect for the ones that do.

With dd1 I had to leave 15 minute before the end of I had a 2hr wait for the bus as there was a break from 12.00 to 2.00 in timings. I also couldn't get there early enough to set up without doubling my bus fare (went down at 9.30).
Dd2 I had to still leave early even once I drove as I had dd1 to pick up at 12.00 from preschool.
Ds spent around 75% of his time at playgroup age with an ear infection so if I'd volunteered in advanced I'd have more likely than not had to back out at the last minute.

I did a lot of volunteering things round what I could do so feel no guilt that I couldn't do that.

Also I work full time, it's much easier to be community minded when you don't or are retired.

While I was working four days a week and DDs were small I used to be on the PTA committee. For five years. For the next five years I only helped out ad hoc at events and didn't organise anything. Looking back at those years when I was on the PTA I was trying to do far too much and often felt overwhelmed and depressed.

I have felt so much better since I stopped being a serial volunteer and signer-upper to do things. I used to feel some weird obligation to demonstrate that I was a nice person to the world, and nowadays some people probably think I'm one of those people who never helps with anything. The difference is now that I don't care when they think, and have much better mental health for it.

I have found myself running a playgroup. I did it with a group of volunteer who wouldn't help for a term and it nearly broke me. I now have 3 friends to help me and people pitch in as and when but it's still a hassle.

I work 4 days, ds is starting school in September and he doesn't get my full attention because I'm volunteering. On my one and only day off with him . I totally understand why people wont sign up, it's easier not to.

When ds was at the age for playgroup, I was coping with returning to work after ML, being newly disabled & caring for my then husband who was also newly disabled & very poorly. I used to meet my mum at playgroup as she took ds & I came after I had finished work to drop my mum home & collect ds. The group was very cliquey with the lady who ran the group having her own satellites who had to be involved with everything, my mum often said that she had been there for most of the session without anyone speaking to her & we were both glad when ds was old enough to go to preschool just before he was 3 because it was much more inclusive & we felt more like we belonged. There would have been no way that we would have been involved with the playgroup, but did become involved at preschool & even now when ds is nearly 16, the staff from preschool always speak when we see them in the supermarket or out & about.