If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

If doesn’t get any better as kids get older. I’ve been involved in rugby for years on end. Rely on parent volunteers to run the kitchen, raffles , Xmas parties etc;
Always the same few who volunteer —while the same few sit around drinking—

DDIJ you'd have been fine with that list volunteering at our group. It was a stay and play thing so nobody was supervising other people's dc. It was getting things out of the cupboard, taking the money, getting the snack stuff sorted and tidied up and then tidying away. We did the absolute minimum in terms of committee stuff.

@Pfefferkuchen I don’t expect anyone to get me coffee. Nor do I want a hot drink around my toddler and I was never comfortable with mums who’d walk around with theirs - just an accident to happen.
I don’t think you grasp the meaning of “volunteering”. You seem to think it’s something you can guilt trip people into and call those who don’t fall for it “cheeky fuckers.” If some parent doesn’t want to make 30 coffees for others, they don’t have to. If some do, they can volunteer.

I will never volunteer at the one I go to once a week. The people that run it and volunteer are so cliquey, unfriendly and make me feel unwelcome. It’s a great play group but they do look at me like I’m a complete inconvenience if I even so much as say hello. Recently they’ve started moaning that they need more volunteers as a few have left but funnily enough none of the “outsiders” like me want to step forward.

As your kids get older you’ll always the same people volunteer for clubs, pta, school govs... some people help and others just aren’t interested. Sometimes there’s a valid reason, other people just cba...

My child attends an after school activity that I pay for. It is run by volunteers, which I very much appreciate. They’ve asked us as parents to volunteer for a few hours for a performance. Nobody has stepped up. I feel bad BUT I’m a single parent of 2, who works 2 jobs and has 2 separate volunteer roles on top, one of which is a weekly commitment, I’m studying for a degree and I have an active dog I need to exercise. I don’t see why I should be judged to be a ‘taker’ for not volunteering in this instance. No one at this group will know what I have going on, and I don’t feel inclined to share it, so maybe don’t judge others so harshly when you have no idea what they do with their time outside of that couple of hours a week you see them at a group.

So you gave a right to attend avoluntarygroup but then you you have a responsibility to volunteer so that others in the future can have the same opportunity

The right to attend comes by paying the £2.50. If no one tells them helping out is expected, its reasonable to think the £2.50 is what gives them the right to attend.

It’s a straight transaction, the right to attend is purchased by the entrance fee

Some of you seem v unfamiliar with the concept of volunteering eg it’s optional
It’s not mandatory to volunteer

If you chose not to volunteer that’s ok,and you don’t need to give n account of yourself to a martyr with a tea bag in their hand and chip on their shoulder

Red you seem to look down on those who do volunteer.

How is the view from up there?

This could have been me....Time to step down OP. Seriously it was the best thing I ever did. I loved volunteering, I hated being looked down on as if I was a scivy - For years I took the mantra that i enjoyed it and others benefited so did it really matter how the minority behaved.

Then the slow drop outs of volunteers, the more work and the general increase of zero appreciation. And that's the crux, if it stops being enjoyable, if the people attending don't appreciate it enough to do minor tasks to make running the group easier, if those attending just moan about what they don't have for their "token barely covers the room hire scandalously low fee".... phone calls at work (shock horror the actual real job) from parents who have tracked me down to make a complaint about some perceived slight from another parent - or why can't they have more variety of coloured papers - ........enough.

Then pack up and say no more.

I used to do quite a bit, as it's social and let's be honest, it feels good, productive, helpful. Now - I've shut the door, I don't volunteer for anything anymore, don't even ask me.

Playgroups are shutting, community groups are shutting, activities for young people are harder to access... in part because the "entitled" don't just use and abuse, they seriously believe that subs/token payments give them the liberty to talk down to those who have tried to do something nice for their community. And from looking at some of the comments above - things are still the same.

Well if it were me I may volunteer or I may think that I struggle enough with 2 clingy babies at that group and I already volunteer 3 times a week for other organisations and that is all the commitment I can fit in at the moment. I agree that some people will just want to leave all volunteering to others and never volunteer for anything and that is annoying. You don't know who volunteers lots already and who never helps out. Talk to people. Find out why they are reluctant to help and let them know what helping would involve as they may mistakenly think they wouldn't be any good at it.

@Random18 I have an understanding of what constitutes volunteer eg it’s not mandatory
And one is not lazy,entitled, cheeky fucker,taker for not volunteering
HTH

YANBU but I agree times have changed and families don't have support from extended family as they once might have and many parents are working long hours with small children. I can barely cope with 2 young children and part time ( All be it demanding) job

My own kids are not easy, very clingy and tend to have meltdowns before the end of a playgroup we used to go to. I'd end up walking out early carrying a screaming overwhelmed child.

Now they are older with one in school I offered to help at the Xmas fayre. I had to take annual.leave from work, put younger one into childminders and have an overtired reception child trialling round with me. I won't volunteer again as it was too much for her. I have the biggest respect for people who manage to volunteer. I've come to the conclusion I need either more easy going kids or a grandparent helping me out. Neither of which are likely to happen!

If you chose not to volunteer that’s ok,and you don’t need to give n account of yourself to a martyr with a tea bag in their hand and chip on their shoulder

Your tone here says it all. You are right you don't need to volunteer. And I am sorry if they were all martyrs at the playgroups you went to.

I've never come across that thankfully and at the groups I helped out with we would always try and make people feel welcome. It's a shame if most groups are not like that - which is the impression I get from most of the comments on here.

you haven't made excuses as to why you don't volunteer. And you shouldn't have too.

Perhaps parents don't appreciate how much help is required, would it be helpful to highlight this to them in a letter or newsletter. I think there can also be an element of fear about not being up to the task. Maybe it would be useful to offer an opportunity for them to shadow an experienced volunteer.

The right to attend comes by paying the £2.50.

so you think by giving your small change you can expect others to do all the work and not get involved? What a horrible attitude. What do you think the miserable £2 actually gives you?

I attend a playgroup that recently asked for more volunteers to set up. I would love to help but I can't physically get there early enough as I have older DC to get to school. I always help tidy up at the end but I'm not an official volunteer as I know that I can't be there early. I am sure this is the same for many people.

I think that's a bit unfair as people may have other important commitments, you just don't know what goes on in people's lives.
What I suggest is getting a message out to the group and tell them that you have received no volunteer help as they may have just thought someone else would do it. If you explain but not in a snotty or pressurised way you may find that someone comes forward and thinks ah in that case I didn't realise they needed help so badly I'll give it a go.

@Pfefferkuchen you fail to understand the transaction nature of a cash payment
Play group ask for cash payment as a participation fee, that’s it. No other demand levied
As I and others have repeatedly said There is no caveat Or condition applied eg pay the cash fee and mandatorily undertake tasks

Now if you and others have a simmering resentment about doing all the work it’s sadly misplaced and your anger is inappropriate

RedLipstickHighHeels

No, you completely fail to understand the difference between a profit-making business and volunteer-run group where you chip in equally to cover refreshment, craft, toys and usually rental of the place.

You seem to think that you are tipping the volunteers for their work, it's a terribly entitled and rude attitude.

Go to a class, there you pay for a service of some kind.

With our village toddler group, if you attend regularly you have to go on the rota. It's not optional. It's not fair to attend a group run by other mums and not help.

the only resentment is due to the fact that the group cannot exist without volunteers, so if you are willing to use it, you should help out equally - or others have to do more to compensate.

If you don't want to be involved, don't go. But you cannot take and not give back.

@Pfefferkuchen. NO let me explain it to you again
Volunteer = no obligation, optional. One can decline

volunteer-run group where you chip in equally to cover refreshment, craft, toys and usually rental of the place
Again no what you’re describing that’s a cooperative, chipping in and each allocated a task. Your model require all participants to be told that task participation is mandatory and to agree to chip in. Out of interest what sanction will you apply for those who don’t participate

By all means that is one way to run a group but it requires en masse consultation and agreement.

I'm invisible disabled. Getting to the groups I attend is an accomplishment in itself some weeks, even when both of my children are cooperating at the same time.

I tend to attend groups where the volunteers don't come from the parent pool for this reason. One I attend is wholly run by people whose own children are anywhere from school age to adult, but everybody pitches in to tidy up (including some of the toddlers). I can manage that, at least!

How is it advertised? If you advertise it as pay 2.50, come and access group, you can't be surprised when people want to do just that.