If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

It's pretty simple really. You need to make up your mind whether helping out is voluntary or required and then you need to communicate that. At the moment you're characterising it as voluntary when actually you feel it should be required. YABU for (rather meanly) deciding people think they're 'special' when all they're actually doing is failing to realise you mean something different from what you're saying.

My schools pta nags for help, when I do turn up to give a hand, there’s nothing to do because all the regular volunteers are doing the jobs. So I wander from stall to stall or classroom to classroom wondering why the fuck I’m there when I could be doing anything else at home cleaning.
I went took my kids to playgroup but I was quite shy and found it hard to get involved, I would do the jobs I was asked to do mind.

Wow. So volunteers only volunteer because they have nothing better to do and no lives outside their young children?! Wow.

The title is meant to be horrible! I have horrible feelings towards people who are takers and not givers. OBVIOUSLY not those who genuinely can’t contribute (can’t believe I even need to mention that).

Lol at this observation
Some people are just takers.If they can get other mugs to run things whilst they just swan up, enjoy the group and leave, then they will

Ok let’s unpick that statement

Takers you mean participants who turn up pay the fee,enjoy the group and leave. Err, yes because that’s the explicit and implicit expectation
1.Turn up✅
2.Pay fee✅
3Enjoy Group✅
4Leave✅

Number 1,2.4 are mandatory
Number 3 is optional

There’s no T&C that set explicit conditions such as
Make tea
Clear up
Shift furniture
Clear toys away

So if a volunteer expects or hopes participants will volunteer to do tasks they are setting selves up for disappointment and unrealistic expectations

If a group I attended was explicit that one could only any attend if one volunteer then I wouldn’t attend

The only mug is to assume, presume or hope that volunteers present themselves. They won’t

Lesson being,if you have an explicit hope or expectation you need to tell people. Not carry a simmering resentment as a martyr thinking you do so much and everyone else is lazy, entitled, cheeky fucker etc

“ The title is meant to be horrible! I have horrible feelings towards people who are takers and not givers. OBVIOUSLY not those who genuinely can’t contribute (can’t believe I even need to mention that).”

You have no way of knowing who is who. People won’t tell you things like that necessarily. What makes you think you’re so special that you can judge who has a genuine reason and who doesn’t? Honestly, I sympathise with your frustration but once you’re reaching this attitude perhaps you’ve done your time and it’s time for someone else to get frustrated

Read your update op,your admission of horrible feelings towards non volunteers
Maybe that’s why no one volunteers,because you radiate horrible feeling,bad vibe
People pick up on feeling and vibe. Maybe you put them off

And if you’re using language like takers, you’ll def be scary.

mostly it’s because they feel they should put something in and not just take

This is why people volunteer
Not because they have more time / energy than everyone else !!!

A Group i volunteer for will close next year, and the parents will all watch that happen, instead of pulling out their finger and contributing !!!!!

OP, maybe you should send out a message to all participants stating the T&C that @RedLipstickHighHeels suggests - the group is user-run so everyone needs help:
setting up
making tea, coffe & snacks
tidying up

Your role is to unlock the door at start time and lock up again. Other than that sit down with a coffee.

I’m particularly intrigued by the people who say they are happy to attend playgroup each week and chat to the other parents over a cup of coffee.

But can’t possibly volunteer to spend 20 mints tidying up / washing the coffee cups because they don’t want to associate with the kind of people ( nasty judgemental busybodies ) who volunteer at these groups.

For goodness sakes the OP is allowed to vent some frustration at feeling as though she and others are being taken advantage of. Its clear that her question has been answered and most feel she is being unreasonable. Maybe tomorrow she will feel better about things. Lets give her a little bit of a break.

I have one more thing to say. I am mom to older children and want to tell you people with young ones, it doesn't get any better as the kids age. Every group/team/event always has the same handful of families doing all of the work. Its just the way it is.

I paid to attend toddler groups precisely so I didn't have to do all that stuff for 1 or 2 mornings per week. I was a SAHM and my now ex was useless, so I was the only one at home responsible for doing all the daily routine. Toddlers was my 'time off'.
That said us/the children were expected to put toys back in their boxes at the end and return used cups to the kitchen hatch.

You need to make up your mind whether helping out is voluntary or required. At the moment you're characterising it as voluntary when actually you feel it should be required.

Agree with this.

I go to a couple of playgroups - one ran entirely by the 2 women who set it up and one where we are assigned jobs every week to help out. I don't mind in the slightest helping out the weeks that I'm there but I do not in any way want to be responsible for helping to run the groups. I signed up to have a bit of routine and so my son gets to play with other kids, not to be in charge. I think it's really mean to say I think I'm 'special' because of this - I don't! I just have no desire to add another responsibility to my list.

If volunteering for a leadership role was a requirement of the playgroup then to be quite blunt I wouldn't go and would find something else to do for the morning. I fully appreciate what the volunteers do but it's simply not something I would want to do. Especially for a group that is as full on as yours sounds to be honest.

If you want to pay for a service you need to book a class like Jo Jingles or something - the £1-£2 for parent-run groups just covers room hire and supplies.

For those who refuse to volunteer, would you tell your child they could not go to Brownies, Scouts etc if you were asked to volunteer one session a term on the parent rota. Even if you were physically able to volunteer you just don’t volunteer on principle. You would stop your child from doing an activity they really wanted to do?

If you are told you must help out when first attending. It's fair enough. You know that going into it. Though if it's not voluntary, they are not volunteers.

This group is for parent support as much as anything. For some people it maybe their only chance to relax a little.

They may volunteer for lots of things and decided they dont want to here.

I did loads of actual volunteering at my kids hobbies and never once resented people who didnt. My son no longer plays rugby but I still do loads for them.

Can I ask why DDIJ?

I would assume most groups that are run by parents whose children attend the group would probably need occasional help from other parents, for that group to survive.

Op by your post and language you evidently feel the tasks should be obligatory and not voluntary
Parents attending are participants not takers. You're holding onto simmering resentment , a resentment the participants are unaware of. Unaware because no one has said, it’s mandatory to volunteer

The so called takers cannot possibly know you hod such a low opinion of them

@Pfefferkuchen No, I still attended. I paid the money and enjoyed a couple of hours with my kid where I wasn't being accused of all sorts or waiting for the next explosion. No extra demands on my time = no extra reasons for a pasting.

And it was fucking nice having somebody make me a shit cup of tea and bring me a saucer with a couple of biscuits on it instead of wondering whether the coffee I'd been ordered to make was going to be flung in my face for not having the right amount of milk or sugar in it/it was in the Wrong Cup or whether I'd get screamed at for eating something that would make me fatter and uglier than I was already.

I haven't been to a group like this partly because I don't want to volunteer (though it isn't really volunteering if you expect them to do it anyway).

I already do my share of community helping in various ways. On my terms and therefore in ways that are accessible to me, which this kind of thing wouldn't be.

This thread is a salutary reminder of how people’s sense of community and responsibility for that community has changed . I was always brought up that if you gave a right to something you also gave a corresponding responsibility .

So you gave a right to attend a voluntary group but then you you have a responsibility to volunteer so that others in the future can have the same opportunity

Yip if you aren't up for taking your turn making t and putting chairs/ toys out then have a reason for not doing that or don't go.

Assuming you've communicated the rota well and in advance and it's not a cliquey unfriendly group.