If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

Sorry OP, but it's totally normal.
Welcome to the world of unappreciated group admin.
People love having the facilities but won't commit to helping and they're willing to let it die (and whinge about that) than offer a bit of help occasionally. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've helped out and run lots of different groups over the years (old gimmer) and it's always the same type of people who help.
The people who believe in supporting their community and understand that society benefits if everyone does their bit.
More often than not, it's also the busiest people who will step up and help out.
There are some amazing Superwomen out there!

Perhaps you need to let it die off for a couple of years until the next batch of patents come along?

OK, from experience, how to get people to help:

Firstly, make it friendly and easy to do. If it's a mysterious thing that happens before they show up and after they leave, it feels difficult and complicated. Make it visible. Ten minutes before the end, put the boxes out, ask each person to put away the toys that are near them. Our playgroup used to do a singing time at the same time to keep the toddlers busy, then parents who didn't need to be occupied with toddlers could help pack away.

Making it easy to do - is it obvious to people where they could park their babies while they help? Could you have an extra baby-watching volunteer? Three volunteers so one can watch kids and two can sort stuff?

Allocate things to people. Could this half of the room give us a hand packing up the drinks, and that half of the room give us a hand with the toys, if you can get away from your babies for a moment. They won't all be able to but some will.

Ask for specific finite help with the committee - we need someone to liaise with the room booking, it takes 30 minutes twice a year, could you do that? We need someone to count the money every week, you can do it in your own time at home, could you do that?

Ask for a fixed term. Ask someone to do something for 3 months or something. It's easy to think "I can't take on responsibility as I'm back to work in 6 months".

Bring the committee meeting to them. Make it part of a regular meeting not a need to get out in the evening.

Once people see in person how something works behind the scenes it feels much more approachable to volunteer.

Ask people in person. Get to know people. Pick on faces who are there regularly, say "I can see you've got your act together, how would you feel about ..." With any group there are inevitably people who feel at home, turn up every week, and stick around longer - often the ones who aren't going back to work. It's easy to think they don't mean me when there's a general call to arms. If someone asks you personally, not a hard sell, just asks - it can make people think again.

Just some ideas.

Spudina I agree although I didn't have PND it was just more situational that I was on my knees with exhaustion during the mother/toddler days. I know PPs have said everybody's tired and busy but there are different levels to it. I am still tired and busy now dcs are a bit older but I'm able to put myself forward for things I would never have been able to do back then and I try and volunteer my time a bit more now. During the worst times - dh working long hours, getting 2 hours sleep a night, stuck in the house all day with a screaming colicky baby - the only way I was able to drag us all out of the house to a mother/toddler group was the light at the end of the tunnel of getting a bit of a break once I got there. Having to actually run the group would've completely defeated the object for me and quite frankly I didn't have a single morsel of energy left.

Some people are takers. And they secretly look down on the volunteers even though they are happy to enjoy their unpaid labour. Plenty of them on this thread.

OP, you need to restructure your playgroup into a co-op type thing. At sign up explain that there is a rota for helping out - once every 6 weeks or 12 weeks or whatever. It is a commitment that is part of being in the group.

We are members of a boat/sail club where the fees are considerably more than 2.50 a pop. We do hire staff but as well as the fee, each family is expected to put in some volunteer hours - helping with kids' events or regattas, redecorating, checking tickets etc. It cuts down costs and also helps people get to know others/understand what it takes to run a club. If you can't do the hours, you can pay instead. Maybe something like that?

I've certainly done my fair share of volunteering in groups involving my children. Play groups, scouts, PTAs, sports coaching. Everything I was involved in always had people complaining that nobody volunteered. Threats of groups having to stop because of not enough volunteers etc. What I found when I was no longer in a position to offer my time was others did step in and volunteered. Or people didn't and groups disbanded. But even if a group disbanded, it wasn't the end of the world. Nobody died, nothing fell apart! If the group was important enough it kept running with new volunteers if it wasn't important enough it ended and people moved on!

I help at a sports club tuck shop. There is a group of about 5 of us who spend at least 2 hours there every week.(voluntarily) Very occasionally a parent will offer to help but usually for about half an hour with plenty of instruction from a regular helper. Kids are really polite but some parents are particularly entitled and think we are running an a la carte menu rather than just volunteers cooking hot dogs and chips for 100 kids every week.

I don’t think it always helps to minimise the work involved “it’s just a bit of XYZ” etc. At the same time people are expected to see the true value of the group. It’s like housework being minimised as easy when in reality yes it may not be complex but it takes time, organisation etc, some people find it harder than others and sneering at that doesn’t help. Emphasising that when done collectively with enough people it is relatively easy, fine, but don’t in the same breath say it’s easy as trying to encourage people to value the activity and the volunteers involved. I do plan to volunteer (for entirely selfish reasons tbh)

ChristaMSieland oh stop it. The OP does NOT sound like they have anger issues. You on the other hand clearly have issues that include enjoying putting others down. Asking why people who use a service are not willing to give 20mins once every 8 weeks is not having 'anger issues'.

Try asking on your local FB group for 'older' volunteers. I bet lots of people would love to play Gran for a session a week and these are often those with more time on their hands.

Can’t say I wanted to attend baby group,it was habit.

no one forced you RedLipstickHighHeels if you are too good for them,
There's endless paying classes that would have been delighted to take your money in exchange for their services and you wouldn't have been expected to raise a finger. What stopped someone as high and mighty as you?

It's too much commitment for me, sometimes things come up at the last minute and sometimes I just can't be bothered to go. I'd be happy to pay to attend though, for the same person to be paid to set up etc every week.

All these people with a life and interests outside their children but want to attend a children’s group...

once again, nailed it

In my case, with the first, it was because I didn't have the faintest idea of what I was doing with my own kid, never mind anybody else's.

By the 2nd kid it was because I'd rather gouge my own eyes out than deal with somebody like you, especially when already trying to manage an abusive partner who would have gone absolutely batshit mental at the 'excuses' I'd be making to get out of the house if there were some form of committee meetings, leaving the house early, coming back later than the precise length of time it took to get home from the finish time or, had it been around in the 00s, spending time on Social Media.

I think it becomes a bit of a cycle, because people are scared that if they volunteer to help, they'll end up getting left with everything, because nobody volunteers...so they don't volunteer!

By the 2nd kid it was because I'd rather gouge my own eyes out than deal with somebody like you

so you didn't attend any of these volunteer groups and didn't have to deal with any of them? Problem solved I assume? Your eyes are fine and safe? (I am not commenting on your abusive partner)

babdoc I know what you mean.

I'm not keen on other bossy people. I was on the church coffee rota for a while but got shushed and bossed about by one team member and had to bite my tongue.

. I don't mind helping on an ad hoc basis but hate being tied down. I used to help at dcs school fayre sometimes

I do think the title is horrible, sorry. I do understand the frustration but if you’ve reached the point where that is your feeling towards other people then maybe it’s time to step down

@asdapryce I'm sorry to hear that your play group might be closing. We used to attend a Friday morning playgroup with our twins, and just as you describe there was a committee that provided a lot of support to parents of twins+ in the local area.

I loved that playgroup, it was my weekly highlight. But like many organisations dependent on volunteers (PTA, Scouts, Guides etc.) you will find it's always the most generous people who make time to give back to the community.

Yes, people have busy lives, but I doubt the OP is sitting around twiddling her thumbs aside from helping run this twins club.

Unfornately people in general will take advantage and will come up with reason upon reason upon reason for why they can't spare 20 mins... this thread is just highlights how many people centre themselves and do not make the effort to give back to their communities. Not "halo polishing" but acknowledging that people in general are inherently self-centered.

I also agree about changing the setup to an extent. I’m not sure about enforced volunteering (there will be people who genuinely can’t and they may be the people who need the session the most) but certain expectations on arrival or sign-up make sense. The one I have been to only twice (because normally I work) expects attendees to help with setting out, clearing up etc and I’ve only ever seen breastfeeding mothers not helping out

DDIJ is there a reason you couldn’t do any of those things? Did your children never have play dates or go to activities?

I do think the title is horrible, sorry.
Honestly, read some of the comments, you see where the OP is coming from. Most people could, it's the way they can't lower themselves to bother that is rude.

Maybe they are reacting to the title

I used to attend a friend's playgroup and she attended mine. We'd stand in for each other when necessary.

One morning, I was running late and arrived at her playgroup to find her with her head in her arms sobbing her heart out.
I knew the women who attended were selfish and thoughtless, but that morning they'd taken the biscuit quite literally. They'd swanned in from the school run, sat down and had a cup of coffee, then swanned back out again. They hadn't even paid because they said they weren't staying for the whole session, leaving her to meet the cost of hiring the hall.

It was the final straw after months of piss-taking. My friend closed her group.