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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

555 replies

asdapryce · 17/12/2019 12:24

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

OP posts:
Pfefferkuchen · 17/12/2019 16:14

RedLipstickHighHeels
you know the answer.I have no desire to be in PTA no shit Grin
It’s snippy folk like you making asinine comments that reinforce it too
My observation is pta like the drama,like the grandstanding,it makes them feel superior

the only one making drama is you I am afraid. no one else is bitchy about you, why do you feel the need to be?

It's always people complaining about drama that ARE the drama, others just get on with their lives. You should try but maybe you'll get bored?

managedmis · 17/12/2019 16:14

At the end of the day people aways value THEIR time over yours, hence lack of volunteers but loads of toddler attendees.

Pfefferkuchen · 17/12/2019 16:16

and some people do have a life and interests outside of their children

Grin Grin Grin

at least some people are honest that they are too good to waste their precious time doing something that will benefit their own children!

RedLipstickHighHeels · 17/12/2019 16:16

No on likes a pious martyr my dear.........and some people do have a life and interests outside of their children
⬆️⬆️ This has it nailed.@FoamingAtTheUterus

For me All the conspicuous & performance parenting who’ll think of the children. It’s really irksome.

JacquesHammer · 17/12/2019 16:18

All these people with a life and interests outside their children but want to attend a children’s group...

Riveting Wink

NewBlueGoo · 17/12/2019 16:20

I think if there were a way of volunteering with school things, playgroups, etc, that allowed you not to be eaten alive by the politics of it, more people would do it.

It's a pretty unappealing prospect to volunteer with people who will have considered you useless, parasitic scum right up until moment you sign over your Saturday mornings, or whatever. And from what I've seen, even when you do volunteer you're never doing enough, or doing it well enough, etc. There is a permanent attitude of disappointment and indignation and rageful frustrated perfectionism in some parent groups that is incredibly draining.

Mummyshark2018 · 17/12/2019 16:21

Well I am shocked that some take so much and give so little, especially when they're there anyway. Doesn't take much to offer a biscuit or make a cup of tea regardless of what's going on in their lives, it's unlikely to be the straw that breaks the camels back. It's laziness and can't be arsed tbh in most cases. I have stopped that role now but now see some of the mums at school gate with younger babies complaining that there's nowhere to go in wet winter days 🤷‍♀️.

If everyone had similar parents attitude the world would be an even more miserable place to raise a family.

frenchknitting · 17/12/2019 16:21

I was part of a committee that closed a toddler group a few years ago due to lack of interest, and I think there are a few factors:

  1. people are used to slick commercial activity providers. They want to pay £6 and have someone bring them tea.
  2. the committee tend to want people to volunteer on strict terms, e.g. sign up for evening committee meetings, commit to being there to open up one week in four, etc. That might not be possible for everyone, but they might still be able to help in other ways, e.g. provide snack, tidy up, run activities.
  3. people tend to attend these groups for very short periods in their lives. It's easy to think, "what's the point, I'm back at work in 3 months anyway".
RedLipstickHighHeels · 17/12/2019 16:23

do pipe down @Pfefferkuchen Dont get so het up.And yes you were and are being snippy
My life is drama free by choice,I don’t volunteer,I don’t do pta
I also don’t guess the motives or character of people who decline to volunteer
Unlike you et al with the handwringing & accusation of others being
Lazy
Cheeky fuckers
Entitled

Dieu · 17/12/2019 16:23

The OP doesn't have an anger problem. How ridiculous. It's easy to feel put upon and resentful, when you're the only one doing anything!
OP, I would scale back on certain things, if short of volunteers. Tea and coffee are fine, but people can make their own. And parents/carers can bring snacks for their own children.
Do whatever you can to make it more manageable.

saraclara · 17/12/2019 16:24

Makes me wonder how the playgroup my kids went to managed to operate at all. Has the world changed somehow? How come everyone whose child attended (kids were 3-4 years old so parents didn't normally stay - activities were run by two paid leaders) managed to do their rota'd morning as support volunteer (making snacks, washing paint pots etc) without moaning or making excuses. It was part of the deal and we all understood that theplace wouldn't exist if we didn't do it, that it was cheap as chips, and we needed it for our kids' sake and for ours.

RedLipstickHighHeels · 17/12/2019 16:25

Can’t say I wanted to attend baby group,it was habit. Eased boredom got us out house
Filled time til I went back to work

Danascully2 · 17/12/2019 16:27

I am naturally a volunteer and help person and would love to help with brownies but have cannot take my boys and husband is never home before about 7pm. No local family and there is no way I could justify paying a babysitter every single week. Same applies to school and preschool pta - I would love to have helped out but both had their meetings at 6pm (child free). Maybe people see that as making excuses but I honestly don't see how I could make it work. Also some people have toddlers you can take your eyes off while you help with snacks, others have toddlers who are prone to hitting/biting/toilet accidents and need watching like hawks.

MsTSwift · 17/12/2019 16:29

We solved this by a group of us who were friends set up our own. Hired the hall each week one of us brought toddler tea then the kids played and we had company as we were sahm or in May leave. As we were all friends no politics we all pitched in. Not inclusive but worked beautifully. Our kids teens now and everyone working but we are still friends.

Jboure · 17/12/2019 16:37

I have school going children and that would be my ideal volunteer job. Way better than dealing with elderly or sorting through second hand clothes. Especially if someone allowed me to hold and play with their babies. I could give back to the community and have baby cuddles. Brill.

DDIJ · 17/12/2019 16:37

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

MsTSwift · 17/12/2019 16:37

I don’t get the raging against volunteers either. Our primary budget so slashed they reliant on the fundraising now. If a child does a sport to a decent level it’s volunteers running those. I get the guilt as not helping at all at dds sports club she gets a lot out of it.

Danascully2 · 17/12/2019 16:38

I did try helping at a pta event recently with toddler in tow because I knew another parent did it with her toddler. Her toddler sat beautifully in the pushchair for 3 hours cuddling a doll. My toddler sat for half an hour, then played on the tablet I'd carefully brought for half an hour, then was bored and protesting, to the point where one of the teachers had to fetch me because he was crying. Then I made the mistake of getting him out of the pushchair so he could 'help' so then I spent the remaining time chasing him around the place and not actually helping with the event at all. There is no way I'm doing that again as I was no use to anybody!

breastfeeding · 17/12/2019 16:40

I can’t because my toddler has some quite severe behaviour issues and needs me with him I can’t just help set up or tidy while he plays independently etc

needmoresleep1 · 17/12/2019 16:40

They probably just don't to! I couldn't think of anything worse!
I'm happy to take my toddler to a playgroup but absolutely no intention of getting involved sorry

Random18 · 17/12/2019 16:47

I don't get why it's all so complicated too.

I turned up, helped set up, took the money, helped clear up snack and clear up at end.

And repeat next week.

No committees, no meetings, just 2 hours of my week when I would have been going anyway with ny children.

Yeah I did manage to do it with 2 children Shock

managedmis · 17/12/2019 16:55

You surely deserve a medal, random, how do you do it?!?

Wrangling a toddler and handing a biscuit to.. SHOCK!! Another TODDLER!! Shock

GASP.

AnybodyWantAChip · 17/12/2019 16:59

Op - I you think you have your answer loud and clear. Everyone else is too busy/ill/stressed/important to help out. But not too busy/ill/stressed/important to attend. Or they just don't want to associate with the type of busy body who would give up her time to run a toddler group.

Some people are just takers. If they can get other mugs to run things whilst they just swan up, enjoy the group and leave, then they will. And give you a list of shitty excuses as to why the hour at the group is possible for them , but the 20 minutes needed before and after to set/tidy up isn't.

I'd just close the group and spend my time doing something more interesting.

Random18 · 17/12/2019 17:00

manage I really don't know how I managed it GrinGrinGrin

I do get that not everyone can volunteer but have a giggle at some of the excuses I have seen on here.

Nowt wrong with not volunteering but its ultimately a choice.

I didn't do it to get poeples thanks - I did it because it got me out the house the days I wasn't working and I made friends.

I would have went stir crazy if I didn't get the kids out for at least part of the day

Whattodoabout · 17/12/2019 17:02

It takes a lot more than you think for some people to attend groups like this, running it would be a step too far for many.