If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

RedLipstick most parents hate the idea of paying a voluntary contribution straight to a school. They appear to much rather have an event to pay money to.

DH is always of the opinion we should cut out the middle man and pay straight to the school, especially when I spend money baking cakes for a school fete only for DS to buy them at school and bring them home again!

Occasions I haven’t attended I’ve sent in a donation to PTA
Frankly it’s less faff
PTA should just cost items, breakdown required monies and request direct donations . It’s more transparent

RedLipstickHighHeels
so why aren't you part of the PTA if you have better ideas on how to efficiently run things?

Problem is when you start paying people, you have to ensure wages are made correctly. Can't be cash in hand. Also you would need to ensure parents pay regularly to ensure wages are paid

I never helped at my DC’s playgroup as I worked full time. I was widowed when they were babies, and my job as a hospital doctor meant I never had fixed hours and was often late home. The nanny took them to playgroup, but there was nothing in her contract that compelled her to volunteer on their rota. I paid an extra sum each week to the playgroup as compensation, if I recall correctly.
I did ask the nanny if she would be willing to volunteer, but she said the playgroup leaders were little Hitlers who enjoyed bossing the mothers about, and there was no way she would entertain that!

You have no idea what other commitments people have including volunteer or unpaid roles as well as jobs and families.

This makes me so cross! I hear this from so many people and yet, and yet!, they are all the first to criticize those of us who DO volunteer.

Give people a simple choice - either they help, or it folds.

DDIJ one way of not being socially isolated is to go to play groups when you have young kids.

The facility is there and its up to the individual if they want to go or not.but the kids get a lot out of it.

I made a point of going to play groups so I wasn't socially isolated. I did not have any friends or family nearby.

Perhaps your group does this, but my experience is the requests for volunteers are often not very explicit. I’ve got anxiety and some physical limitations, but I still try to help out. I’ve found I have to be very cautious about what I volunteer for though because they often don’t specify the requirements in detail. I personally can manage hours sorting papers, prepping a craft, or cutting up snacks if I can have a chair, but can’t lift or drag anything heavy even for a few minutes without incapacitating myself for the rest of the day. So I end up only volunteering for tasks that I know I can do, even though there are probably other ways I could help. I just can’t risk getting there and suddenly being expected to set up tables or move boxes and it’s surprising how often the organizers don’t mention those physical bits.

Sigh,@pfefferkuchen you know the answer.I have no desire to be in PTA
It’s snippy folk like you making asinine comments that reinforce it too
My observation is pta like the drama,like the grandstanding,it makes them feel superior
PTA meeting are held in daytime,they declined evening or weekend meetings

Sadly as someone else said this will continue in many guises for many years. Sports groups and activities where parents are asked to help out but it's the same ones who help out every week despite others being there to watch anyway.

PTA meeting are held in daytime,they declined evening or weekend meetings

We had this when I was on the PTA. Our meetings were weekday evenings, in school. That wasn't convenient to everyone, and people moaned. So we tried holding them in Waitrose's meeting room, or at the pub, earlier in the day, later in the day, at weekends. We even offered people the chance to dial in using fecking teleconferencing.

Nothing got more people along. "I can't make meetings" is right up there with "I'm too busy".

Because IME volunteering for such a committee becomes a massive drain on your time.

There ARE always 1 or 2 on the Committee who think they're running the United Nations and take it way too seriously with regular lengthy committee meetings, fund raising idea meetings, meetings to discuss meetings, etc, etc, etc and it's all a massive pain in the arse.

If it was guaranteed to me it would be putting out toys and tidying up only I'd do it.

It’s never a magnanimous selfless act,the volunteers get something out of it
And if it gets too onerous don’t volunteer.youre not completed to volunteer

The church I used to go to had a policy that if you put your child in the church creche, you were required to be on the rota once a month. That was a condition of using it. They had other helpers that had older children/grown up children but they helped less often

Pineapple I’m not saying I’d have joined PTA ,I wouldn’t have
but other working parents could not participate in meetings, others asked for change in PTA times.this was declined

I see this all the time op. I took over running a parent- baby group when the previous person went back to work full time. Everyone knew it was a parent run group but most parents never offered to help. We all had kids but some expected to be lifted and laid- making them tea, offering out biscuits. When my working day changed and I asked for volunteers to take over you'd have thought I killed their granny! They were giving off but nobody stepped up. It closed and they had nowhere else to go. Of course there may have been some with PND/ anxiety/ disability but there was a group who would happily walk off afterwards to go to the local cafe for lunch leaving me to do all the tidying up. It was a thankless role.

Same with PTA. Just got a email from person running school disco saying it may not go ahead this year as not enough parents have volunteered. It's the same 10-12 parents (mostly women) who give up their time. Each one of those parents work full time as I'm one of them and know the other parents. It's the most popular event in school and about 90% of kids go. There's around 600 parents and only 12 will volunteer. Shocking really.

It’s not shocking,it’s simply that people do not want to or cannot participate
In which case don’t run the event and explain insufficient adults volunteered
People make choices,eg not to volunteer. that choice has a consequence eg no disco.

You have no idea what is going on in others’ lives

No on likes a pious martyr my dear.........and some people do have a life and interests outside of their children. 💁🏻‍♀️

If it was guaranteed to me it would be putting out toys and tidying up only I'd do it

We asked for two volunteers a week. One to unlock and get toys out. One to put toys away and lock up so nobody had to do everything each week.

We never ran organised activities, never required them to lead singing.

You’d think we’d asked for someone to build Nonesuch.

sometimes it's the other 'helpers' that put off people volunteering. Look within. Perhaps you are making it difficult for others to step forward? You might come across as expecting too much.

I personally hated offering to help and toddler and pre school things as there was normally some dominating 'know it all, been there done its' who could do the job better and knew the hall rules about where toys / bins went etc etc - so i would just let them get on with it.......

Maybe your group needs a whole new committee. It might freshen it up....

You’d think we’d asked for someone to build Nonesuch.

and some people do have a life and interests outside of their children

Oh what bollocks. If you’ve got time to arrive at 10am to attend the group, you’ve got time to arrive at 10am and unlock the door and open a cupboard.

It’s hardly asking for hours of commitment