So many martyrs at Christmas

[Changinforaflamin]

And it’s always women... why?

Why do we do it to ourselves? Why do we struggle to just say no and do things the way we want? Or why do we let lazy partners get away with doing nothing?

I’ve been guilty of this myself but my husband never does it and I don’t get why.

Please enlighten me

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe I do it and I hate it...The reason I do it is because 99 times out of 100 my husband is an amazing man who would move mountains and walk to the end of the earth for us.

You do what exactly? All the Christmas stuff?

I think women just put much more emphasis on Christmas. I don’t know any man that gives a shit other than the time off work and trips to the pub with the lads.

What? Absolutely none at all?

Hi Sorry ..all the present buying all the wrapping all the delivering which takes 2 hrs and a long drive!!! To be treated like we didnt exist yet watching them all grab at the gifts whilst we have to sit there and watch the annual farce with not even a chance of a cup of tea!!!!

Sally why does your husband leave all of that up to you to do?

Both men and women can be martyrs.

He tries as much as he can to keep it civil and yet try to maintain a distance from them as I think he is very embarrassed by them. He sees it as a duty that has to be done no more no less, He works permenant night shifts and I feel although he would do it if I pushed that it helps him by me doing it.. on his behalf if you see what I mean. I do it cos I feel obliged to him to help seeing how he is so good to us and my extended family...I feel I must return the favour and do for his but as families go they are poles apart. I have got to the point where I just do it but the feelings of resentment are huge on my part but its my feelings towards them and not towards him...its weird ..not expaining here very well but I do feel a martyr every year where they are concerned. He my dh is always very grateful I do it genuinely so ..not in a cop out wife work way but in a thank you so much for taking the strain kind of way!

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe but if you didn’t go to all the effort, I bet your husband wouldn’t do it. It’s easy to maintain contact with shit people when it’s not you who has to go through all the effort! Working night shifts doesn’t magically make you inept - Amazon exists, and it takes a few minutes to wrap presents.

Surely the easier thing would be for him to cut them out. Doesn't sound like he's fond of them at all, so why bother with any of it?
Or if something must be sent, some amazon vouchers, gift basket or whatever that can be bought and delivered.

Ahh that's what I was trying to unpick, Sally.

So you do the gifts and the delivery but you both do the grocery shopping, decorating, cooking Xmas dinner and cleaning etc together?

yes! Normal service here equals a fully functioning unit of 2 sharing everything else!

@Zzzz19 I think women just put much more emphasis on Christmas. I don’t know any man that gives a shit other than the time off work and trips to the pub with the lads.

You should meet my dad. Late 60s and hosting 25 people. Including out of town family staying with him. He’s so giddy that I don’t think he’s slept all month