AIBU to be annoyed with DH re finances/his mum

[butteriesplease]

so, just checking the bank account this morning, and see a large (over £1.5K) payment out, which I don't recognise from DH's account. (we each have own, plus a joint account and savings, which is always bloody empty).

So, I text and say what's this? Bank have categorised as 'eating out' - ?! As it transpires, basically, it is a transfer to his mum so she can get her dental implants fixed. What's that I say???

Apparently he's been 'looking after' this money since 2015 for her. But it was transferred from his UK current account,and the 'looking after' was in a bank account in european country where he is from.

I say 'what'? you never told me about this. So, there was approx £1.5K sitting in another bank account, which was his mum's incase she split from husband. For gods sake.

I am really cross and frustrated as:
(a) she can pay for her bloody teeth
(b) she could set up a bank account in HER OWN ACTUAL NAME
(c) DH did not tell me any of this. and
(d) DH Did not EVER tell me any of this.
(e) we are generally right in to our overdraft each month, and this is bad news for us right now financially.

gaaagh. I just want to cry. He just doesn't talk to me about money. he just spends it. WE have none, and he wants to go on a holiday which we can't afford, repaying his mum, not thinking that it puts us in a right mess, and I really want to take away all his cards and try and get him to understand.

so, AIBU to be be frustrated???

It's weird you are on top of the family finances but didn't know where the money to pay for flights came from.

And "minding" money for someone is a favour and although morally it's hers legally if it's in someone else's account it isn't your anymore!

It has been used at his mums request
I very much doubt this is the case. She might have asked for them to come, she might have said he could 'borrow' some of that money as long as it's replace, but I would bet there was never any agreement for him to use that money, especially when the reason he gave for her to ask him to look after that money was so that her husband couldn't have it in case of divorce.

Also, no mention of the reason for his choice of wording for the transfer.... doesn't make any sense.

I also suspect what happened is he was allowed to use the money on condition he paid it back. If it was a gift, then they would not owe her th 1500.

This all sounds dodgy as fuck to me.

Why on earth would a grown woman, presumably well into her middle years, want her son to look after money for her unless there's something iffy going on?

Why would a man use "looked after" money to pay for his children's flights to see their GPs unless it was a gift, not a loan? And why would he not mention this to his wife?

If he "borrowed" from his mother's money, he was bang out of order not to discuss it with you first, OP. It would make me wonder if he was getting into other financial commitments that impact on the family money. I'd be wanting to see his pension statements, so that I can be sure that he isn't funnelling money into something risky. (And so that I had the details in case I ever wanted to leave the secretive bastard!)

He's got no right to leave you short of cash at the most expensive time of the year, OP. He's also got no right to "lend" family money to anyone else, or to borrow to pay for flights without telling you, especially when you're the one that manages the family money.

Apart from anything else, getting money in euros, then repaying it with sterling converted to euros, and repaying the sterling account with the balance of the euros converted to sterling will mean the amount will have shrunk a fair bit just because of transaction costs, never mind what you might have lost if the pound has fallen against the euro over the period he's had mother's money.

Why on earth would a grown woman, presumably well into her middle years, want her son to look after money for her unless there's something iffy going on?

I think the OP alluded to MIL having marital problems and needing some independent funds. However things must be fine now on the home front as she has decided instead to get her teeth fixed.

Also, the OP said that the transferred amount was "over £1.5k" which suggests that all of MIL's money in the European account has been spent. I very much doubt this was all on budget flights unless the OP has loads of kids. So I maintain the DH has either spent the money, or he is paying more towards MIL's dental treatment than he is letting on.

It sounds as though your DH is hiding finances too. Akward when the MILs reason is in case her marriage doesn't last. It looks as though the DH is of this mindset too.