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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it takes 2 minutes to text back

123 replies

Holeinmysock · 15/12/2019 21:25

Anyone else think it’s bloody rude to ignore a text message for a few days when you are offering to pop around with a Christmas gift for their baby?

This is a work colleague currently on mat leave, I know they are usually glued to their phone. We got on quite well and when the baby was born our team sent a lovely gift but we had no end of problems finding out when she’d be able to receive it, she ignored messages for weeks despite having a straightforward delivery, being well and out and about soon after the birth. Since she’s been off I send a friendly text every now and again and she does reply eventually. I have bought a little gift for the baby and text a few days ago to ask when it would be convenient to drop it in. Again, no reply.

I find this terribly rude, DH thinks that perhaps she doesn’t want contact with work people outside of work but we used to be friendly and socialise together. Maybe it’s time to accept that she’s not interested but apparently she is returning to work so why be so rude to people?

And yes, I have 3 kids of my own so I know how difficult the early days with a newborn is. It takes 2 minutes to text back though, and if it’s not convenient then that’s fine too!

OP posts:
Newbie1999 · 15/12/2019 21:30

I’m a bit like this - I read a message when it comes through but if I’m busy at the time I think ‘I’ll reply later’, but sometimes totally forget. It’s nothing against the person who sent it.

FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou · 15/12/2019 21:31

She's making it clear you are a work friend not a friend. She's trying to do so gently and politely. I do not think she is being rude. It is rude to expect an instant response, also rude to invite yourself round to a colleague's house.

Witchend · 15/12/2019 21:34

If she's got a newborn she might not be as glued to her phone as when she's in the office.

Original poster
Holeinmysock · 15/12/2019 21:35

Rude to pop around with a gift for her baby? Uninvited maybe I can understand that.

We are more friends than colleagues although I will say that I don’t see as much of her since I moved teams a few years ago.

Okay, it’s no problem, I’ll give it until the end of the week and if I’ve not heard anything I’ll donate the gift to charity and mark it up to experience.

OP posts:
Puta · 15/12/2019 21:37

She doesn't like you.

Which is fine, because you don't like her. Win-win.

AfterSchoolWorry · 15/12/2019 21:37

Agree with FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou

I hate people threatening to 'pop around'. When I'm off work I like to be left alone.

AfterSchoolWorry · 15/12/2019 21:38

Why not just post the gift. Seems sulky to donate it just because she hasn't jumped to your demands!

oabiti · 15/12/2019 21:39

Why not post it?

1Morewineplease · 15/12/2019 21:39

Some people don’t live by their phone or need to check texts, SM etc... all the time.
Some people lead active busy lives and feel that , if it’s really urgent, then the person will phone.

Petrichor11 · 15/12/2019 21:41

YANBU

I used to have a friend who was awful for not texting back. Then whenever I was with her she’d be glued to her phone. Took me longer than I’m proud of to get the message!

CharityConundrum · 15/12/2019 21:41

I do this - my husband and I both have really flexible schedules, so I usually need to check what he's up to when making arrangements, but then I forget, or it turns out he's waiting to hear about a job so I'm still none the wiser and then by the time I've worked out what's going on, it's been a couple of days. So it isn't necessarily a sign that she doesn't like you or want to be your friend!

puds11 · 15/12/2019 21:41

She may be overwhelmed. People can appear fine but be feeling shitty. She may not able to cope with a visit.

I always forget to respond to messages. Plus with a baby I can be texting one minute then dealing with a torrent of vom the next.

Original poster
Holeinmysock · 15/12/2019 21:41

I certainly wouldn’t be buying a gift for a person I don’t like, what a weird thing to assume.

OP posts:
LunchBoxPolice · 15/12/2019 21:41

Maybe she isn’t feeling great.

NoSauce · 15/12/2019 21:42

I agree it’s a bit rude OP. But for whatever reason she doesn’t seem to want you to go round. I would leave it now.

Mickhasnotorso · 15/12/2019 21:43

Maybe she doesn't want you to come round

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 15/12/2019 21:43

She doesnt want you to pop around. Maybe her house is a bit of a mess because shes got a new born? Maybe shes not coping that well? Maybe she just doesnt want visitors?

Either way, stop judging her by your standards. Just post it and give her some space.

NannyPear · 15/12/2019 21:43

I get anxiety at the thought of people coming to my house. Doesn't matter if they are just "popping over" or whatever, I would need to make sure the house is spotless, which isn't always easy with a baby. It sounds like she's not up for visitors. Perhaps invite her out for coffee? She might appreciate getting out the house and being able to leave when she wants. She also may be struggling after the birth and it's not fair to assume just because the birth appeared straightforward she has no reason to be.

JulietTango · 15/12/2019 21:43

I think a week is a reasonable time to wait before deciding this person doesn't really want my gift. The op is waiting this long.

Charliebigpotatoes · 15/12/2019 21:44

I struggled badly when my son was young and all of my mental energy went into being his mum, I found it difficult to remember to reply to messages and deal with anything that wasn't my son. Luckily I had understanding friends who didn't get shirty and got that it was a difficult time for me.

oabiti · 15/12/2019 21:44

Don't write her off yet. She could be struggling. I know I did (for a while) after having my children.

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2019 21:44

And yes, I have 3 kids of my own so I know how difficult the early days with a newborn is.

No. You know how difficult it was for you. You have no idea how hard it is for her.

IncrediblySadToo · 15/12/2019 21:45

Maybe she’s just juggling lots of stuff and will reply when she knows when she’ll be free..

No point in getting all humpy and giving the child’s gift to charity if she doesn’t reply by the end of the week. That’s just being childish.

Original poster
Holeinmysock · 15/12/2019 21:45

Her baby is now 5 months so not quite a newborn. No problem, I’ll post it then back off completely. See how long it takes for her to get in touch.

OP posts:
ifeellikeanidiot · 15/12/2019 21:46

I'm like this, even with my closest friends. In my case I might be feeling overwhelmed or anxious about having someone round, maybe nothing in particular but I get stressed and worried about committing to a date, or nervous about having to tidy or sort tea and biscuits. Luckily my friends all know and understand my radio silences.