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AIBU?

Is it morbid to tell your family which music you'd want at funeral?

109 replies

doadeer · 15/12/2019 11:46

If anything ever happened to me, I have important pieces of music to me I would want at my funeral. I've told DH these on a few occasions just in case - he refuses to listen and says I'm morbid. (Just to note I don't have anything wrong with me)

Does anyone else have these discussions or am I very strange?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 15/12/2019 11:47

Not morbid at all! Get get it written down, stick it with your will.

Seeline · 15/12/2019 11:48

I don't think it's strange. I also think that when the time comes, your relatives will thank you - the stress of trying to work out what you might of wanted is taken away. My DM has given me a written list of everything she wants - music, readings, what people should wear (as in no black - not precise outfits Grin ) I am very grateful.

IHateBlueLights · 15/12/2019 11:49

I had a diagnosis of cancer and before the operation I planned my funeral. Not down to the last detail but a list of music to choose from and possible readings.

Still here, thank goodness.

BiteyShark · 15/12/2019 11:49

We have always been open about funerals and when my DM was diagnosed as terminal we went through everything she wanted.

I do think others won't even talk about dying as it frightens them.

If your DH won't listen how about you put something alongside your will so you know your wishes will be known when you do die.

Butchyrestingface · 15/12/2019 11:51

Not morbid. My very devour mum always said there were particular hymns she wanted playing at her funeral. Unfortunately she never got round to telling me so when she died suddenly the choice was left to me.

I haven’t regularly attended mass since I was a child so the congregation got treated to all the hymns I loved as an 8 year old. Grin

Put it in your will.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 15/12/2019 11:51

No, not at all

I have mine all picked out and when the curtains close Fire , will blare out Grin Grin

tillytrotter1 · 15/12/2019 11:52

Of course not! Everytime we sing a certain hymn in Church I nudge OH and say They're playing my song! He gets annoyed, I'm being morbid apparently but he has his tune sorted out and I say They're practising for you.
We're all going to die, it doesn't have to be humourless, when our mother died we were sorting clothes to take to the undertakers, I picked up a suit and said She loved this, She'd lost a lot of weight during her final illness and my brother looked at it and said It'll bury her. I fell over laughing and said Well, that's OK then! She would have been laughing her socks off.

AdoreTheBeach · 15/12/2019 11:53

Not morbid at all. In fact, recently try when filling out a solicitor’s form to be used to prepare our wills, there is a section about instructions for burial/cremation, type of service, hymns, readings, songs etc. You’re actually meant to think about these things when writing your will.

Gammeldragz · 15/12/2019 11:53

Not at all. My mum died suddenly a few months ago but she'd always told us a certain song she wanted and we played it. It was wildly innapropriate for a funeral and we managed to laugh through the tears. It helped us feel close to her knowing she'd chosen it.

DDIJ · 15/12/2019 11:53

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doadeer · 15/12/2019 11:54

I've had a hard week and these are all making me feel very emotional!

OP posts:
AutumnRose1 · 15/12/2019 11:54

I did it when I made a will and I think it’s fine

Apparently what’s not fine is to have “that’s all, folks” displayed on the screen at the end of the service. Got a right telling off from BFF for that one 😂

DukeChatsworth · 15/12/2019 11:55

I’ve just told DH I don’t want a funeral. Just one of those simplicity things with only a cremation. It’s important for family to know what you want to make it easier for them.

doadeer · 15/12/2019 11:55

@Gammeldragz I'm so sorry for your loss, your mum sounds like a special woman x

OP posts:
Pinkarsedfly · 15/12/2019 11:57

My kids know I want Mr Blue Sky by ELO. Every time it comes on I go ‘it’s my song!’ And they roll their eyes.

Death’s part of life.

Weepingwillows12 · 15/12/2019 11:57

Not morbid no. My dad has told me what he wants. However my grandma tried to tell my mum and mum didnt want to hear. It was around the time grandma had a dementia diagnosis and mum was struggling with all the extra demands on her, getting the right care package in place etc and I think it was all too much. Was too scary thinking of the end. She was upset she hadn't listened properly in the end. Said she just thought it was a sign of grandma giving up.

Maybe your dh just struggles to deal with the thought of losing you? Write it down and leave it with your will. He will be grateful one day.

Oblomov19 · 15/12/2019 11:58

Not all all. Dh has lots of requests - He wants Elvis, Burning Love! Grin

doadeer · 15/12/2019 11:58

@Pinkarsedfly my mum does the same thing with James Taylor You've Got A Friend 😭

OP posts:
BackforGood · 15/12/2019 12:00

Not morbid at all.
In fact, it is very sensible to talk openly about death and your wishes at a point in your lives when it isn't imminent.

One of the most important things to talk about are things like your thoughts about donation of organs and 'dnr' thoughts, etc.

stickerqueen · 15/12/2019 12:00

No I don't think it's morbid but you will get people who think it is morbid.
When my dad passed I wish he had told more people what he wanted to be played at his funeral because only 2 people knew and one of them was my Mum his ex wife so no-one would listen.
He wanted a song that was played at his mums funeral I remember him telling me and my mum after his mums funeral.
My husband knows what music I want when the time comes I don't know what he wants because he said I will never need to know because he will out live us all.
If you wanted your wishes known I think it's best to write them down and give them to someone to keep safe until there needed.

TooMinty · 15/12/2019 12:02

My husband's grandma planned her whole funeral - she had had to do her husband's and knew how stressful it was so she took all the hard work out of it for her kids. I thought it was great. The dress code was "not black" and she chose an inappropriate song to end with that made us laugh.

SerenDippitty · 15/12/2019 12:03

No not morbid.

I want Disco Inferno.

theweebleshavelanded · 15/12/2019 12:07

very sensible. we ve chatted about it. I dont want poeple to wear black, dress up unless they want to ( normal jeans etc is fine). cremation and my ashes in a certain place in the country...... a place that Ive told dh he can walk/ visit get to when he`s older and mobilty maybe limited lol! I dont need a religious ceremony. I like the idea of what we did for the cat, send my body to be cremated, get the ashes. have a "do"/ meal if they want. isnt that simplicity cremation?

theweebleshavelanded · 15/12/2019 12:08

so ashes scattered, nice pub lunch or an afternoon tea somewhere. just normal clothes.... not a sad formal do.

CallmeAngelina · 15/12/2019 12:10

Why are some people so scared about talking about/planning for death? It needn't be morbid or unpleasant.
Both my parents planned their own funerals, with music, hymns and readings as well as who they wanted to carry their coffins. This made it so much easier when the time came, and we found it a comfort to listen to the exquisite pieces knowing that they'd chosen them.

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